Does Your Partner Have Emotional Intelligence?

Clearly, understanding and having emotional intelligence will help you get ahead in life. That’s why today we are going to explore the meaning behind the term EI and see what all the fuss is about. 

What is the definition of emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is a fairly new term that basically stands for being able to communicate with others and relate to them in a constructive and healthy way by managing and staying in control of your emotions. 

People with strong EQ are good at understanding, processing, recognizing, controlling, and using their emotions. They are great communicators and come off as reliable and trustworthy.  

Why is emotional intelligence important?

You’d think that emotional intelligence is helpful when you’re trying to be a decent human being, but not essential for everyday life. It is, however, very far from the truth. 

Think of emotional intelligence versus the classical intellect as being street smart versus book smart. If you know about all academic things, you can pass tests in school and get yourself a job. But it’s the emotional intelligence that prepares you for the real world, where you need to get on with others, be able to read the room, and make the right impression.

And in a romantic relationship, emotional intelligence is what helps you build a strong bond and a real connection with your partner. And what’s more important, this connection will be genuine, and not surface-level as it sometimes happens when one of the partners is emotionally unavailable or immature. With emotional intelligence comes emotional intimacy which only further strengthens physical intimacy, bringing you to a well-rounded and strong relationship. 

Benefits of emotional intelligence

We’ve talked a lot about the importance of emotional intelligence, but let’s put our money where our mouth is, and go through the main benefits that having EI brings you.

1. You’re able to respond more rationally to difficult situations which helps you save face, act more strategically, and avoid escalations. 
2. You understand yourself better and live in peace with yourself, knowing where your emotions are coming from and how to redirect them, so there is less stress and anxiety in your day-to-day life. 
3. You engage better with the people around you. Empathy that comes with emotional intelligence means you can relate to others and their experiences, and build stronger relationships while navigating the existing ones better. 
4. You become a powerful communicator. Emotionally intelligent people can express themselves better. Their thoughts, ideas, and intentions come across more correctly, so interaction with others becomes more efficient. You fight less and collaborate more. 
5. You become a better leader. Whether you’re in management or not, upgrading your EI will inevitably result in you being considered a thought leader and someone who can motivate and guide others in the right direction. 
6. You master problem-solving. In the Once team’s opinion, 90% of all problems are pure emotions. Conquer emotions, and you’ll be the king of resolving conflicts. Also, an emotionally intelligent person tends to be more flexible and adaptive. They can come up with out-of-the-box ideas and make informed decisions which all contribute to faster issue resolution. 
7. Your mental health gets better. You don’t doubt yourself all the time, you’re comfortable in your own skin and you accept the circumstances that you’re in. 

Overall, emotional intelligence helps you know yourself and others better, and it allows you to navigate everyday life with more ease and success. 

Am I emotionally intelligent?

Emotional intelligence is critical, as we’ve established. The million-dollar question is whether we are emotionally intelligent ourselves. Here’s a list of points that you can use as a test of how high your EQ is: 

1. You are curious about people around you and want to understand them. 
2. You feel empathy towards others, both when good and bad things are happening to them.
3. Change can be scary but you’ve learned to accept it and sometimes even endorse it.
4. You can identify and describe what other people are feeling.
5. You are confident in your own skin and accept who you are. 
6. In stressful situations, you are able to keep your emotions under control. 
7. You can process mistakes you’ve made, take responsibility, and move on.
8. You are not afraid to show emotions to others around you. 

Also, there are certain skills that many associate with emotional intelligence. Can you say that you have them?

1. Self-regulation
2. Empathy
3. Social awareness
4. Communication
5. Assertiveness
6. Optimism
7. Resilience

Note that it’s obviously not a scientific way to measure your emotional intelligence, and if you’d like something formal, like a medical assessment test, it’s best to reach out to the psychology specialists near you. However, the points above should give you a good estimation of where you are with EQ. 

Don’t worry if you mostly answer No to the list we’ve shared. Emotional intelligence is something you can definitely train and improve, especially if you set your mind to it. 

Is my romantic partner emotionally intelligent?

If you’re dating online or offline, you’re probably meeting a lot of people who catch your eye and seem to be a perfect match at first glance. Some of them turn out to be great people indeed, while others are not the right fit, partially because they lack the emotional intelligence that’s needed to build a strong long-term relationship. 

If you are practicing mindful dating and want to ensure your lover is the right person for you, then watch out for these signs of emotional intelligence:

• They are self-aware, in the sense that they can acknowledge and process their emotions, thoughts, and feelings. They are able to explain why they’re feeling a certain way right now and know what to do to snap out of it. 
• They bounce back from negativity quickly. Negative emotions are valid, and they should be felt and lived through, but a partner with high EQ will not purposefully dwell in negativity.
• They have long-lasting friendships. We’re not vilifying people who don’t have friends, by no means, but the ability to maintain long-term relationships with friends, especially from different social groups, is an indicator of a strong EI. 
• They can handle conflict as an adult. No relationship is perfect, intense flame or slow dating – you are bound to have disagreements and conflicts. That’s life. What differentiates a mature partner with a high EQ is how they treat these fights. If they’re the opposite of avoidant and silent treatment, you’re in good hands. The key to conflicts is to get to the bottom of it and make it right. 
• They know when you need support and are there for you. The partner will know when you’re feeling low, even if you don’t say anything. And they’ll be there to stand by and put you up. 
• They take responsibility for themselves. Accountability is rare in life, and many people like to blame others, faith, bad luck, you name it, for not being where they want to be in life. An emotionally intelligent person will still be frustrated and feel bad for themselves, but it won’t turn into a toxic self-pity party.

How to build and improve your emotional intelligence in relationships

So how exactly does one upgrade their EI to help improve their love life? Here are a few tips to get you started. 

Express gratitude

To life, your partner, yourself, your family, this beautiful world, whatever it is that you’re feeling on a given day. Do this daily and you’ll see how your mentality changes. You’ll be able to appreciate more events and people, and it will definitely help you understand and appreciate your partner. 

Become an active listener

Pay attention to what your partner is saying, and really process their words. Listening to people is the best way to understand them. Also, watch out for body language that accompanies someone’s words. 

Practice empathy

Let’s say you’re texting your crush in the dating chat, and they respond with something hideous to your absolutely normal messages. Your first thought would probably be that they’re a jerk. But if you sit back and try to understand where they’re coming from, you might be able to empathize with their situation. Or not! Sometimes people are just mean. Basically, whenever you see people’s reactions, good and bad, make this little mental exercise where you try to imagine what it’s like to be them and why they say or do certain things. 

Practice self-reflection

We can’t always do the right thing and say the right words. What we can do though is reflect on the past, analyze it, and try to be better in the future. There’s no need to overanalyze every single step you take, please don’t do it, but staying mindful and being open to self-criticism will come a long way.