Long Distance Relationship: Tricky but Definitely Possible
Imagine being in a long distance relationship two centuries ago. No WhatsApp, no planes, and letters take weeks to get to you. These days, with all the comfort of technology, long distance romances should be bliss. Yet, many couples struggle to maintain their love in such an arrangement, and a lot of them end up splitting. Does this mean long distance relationships are doomed? Of course not!
What qualifies as a long distance relationship?
Long distance relationships mean different things for different people, but we draw the line at living in different cities. Even if there’s a fancy fast train that gets you to one another in a couple of hours, it’s still a long distance if you don't live in the same town and can’t realistically see each other daily.
Long distance relationship vs textationship
The first time the Once team heard the work textationship, we’re not gonna lie, we thought that it was a new Gen Z term for a long distance relationship. But oh boy were we wrong about that!
Long distance relationships can be very different, but they involve much more than a textationship. First of all, it’s possible that the couple was dating and seeing each other in real life before they were forced to go long distance. And once they’re doing it, they can visit each other and, eventually, start living in the same city again.
With textationships, the two people are pretty much exclusively talking to each other in the dating chat or on social media. They can still have a genuine connection, engage in sexting, and even fall in love, but they don’t see each other in person and they never will. There’s no detailed data on how long textationships last, but they’re usually surviving for a few months before one of the partners (or both) loses interest and finds someone else to date.
Textrationships are a phenomenon of the new digital world where dating online is more common than meeting someone at a bar. Long distance relationships have existed for centuries, and it looks like they’re not going anywhere.
Typical issues in long distance relationships
Any relationship can face its issues, but there are some very common struggles of long distance relationships that you should be aware of:
Financial concerns
If your long distance romance is blessed with a sweet and short commute, like a couple hour car ride between the cities, then the financial aspect might not be such an issue for you. But imagine you’re in LA and they’re in NYC. Or you’re in Boston, and your partner is all the way across the ocean in Spain? Constant flying back and forth in this economy is going to drain your budget in a matter of weeks.
Poor communication
Technology is priceless, but it’s not perfect. When talking to your partner over texts, on the phone, or via Facetime, there’s a big room for misunderstanding. Texts are especially notorious for causing heartaches, but you’re not 100% safe even when the person sees you. Our gestures, tone of voice, the words we say – it’s all up for interpretation, and when the couple hasn’t been together for a while, and both are a bit frustrated by it, fights can appear out of nowhere.
Unrealistic expectations
Pop culture doesn’t help with keeping our expectations intact. We see all those grand gestures on TV and social media, and we want the same. And when our partner does not magically appear at our door after we text them we miss them, and we get upset. And there is a lot of pressure on face-to-face meetings too. You don’t really need sparkles and crazy experiences when you meet. Your relationship can thrive without it. But we can rile ourselves up and expect it which, inevitably, leads to disappointment and a spoiled day.
Jealousy
Long distance relationships can ignite jealousy even from those who are not typically jealous. We hear all those random names our lover mentions, and we wonder – is there something to it? Also, we think they’re the best, so we are naturally afraid of other people realizing that too and trying to steal them away from us. If jealousy is not managed and controlled, it can turn into a tripping point for the couple.
Tips for surviving a long distance relationship
Here is our advice on how to make a long distance relationship work:
- Understand each other’s love languages. When you’re away, you need to be more direct and caring with one another because there’s a higher chance of a misunderstanding. Each of us has our own love languages, so if you learn about your partners’ preferences and give them your love in the format they prefer, you’ll be able to make them much happier.
- Communicate your boundaries. Relationship boundaries often get a bad rep. They’re considered controlling and restricting, but they don’t have to be like that. First of all, they help us make sure we don’t hurt our lover’s feelings. Secondly, they tell them what is important to us, so they don’t hurt us by accident. And if they hurt us intentionally, they’ll know that there will be consequences.
- Keep your partner at the top of your priority list. When your partner is away, and you don’t see them every day, other things tend to take over. Avoid that by prioritizing talking to them and handling their issues before anything else.
Date ideas for a long distance relationship
Contrary to popular belief, there are many sweet things to do together even if you’re in a long distance relationship. We’ve gathered a few date night ideas, please feel free to try them all!
- Cook dinner together. Agree on the recipe, buy the same groceries, turn on Zoom or Facetime, and start cooking! Experiment with new recipes as well, so you can practice your cooking skills. When you’re done, sit in front of the screens, talk, and eat the food.
- Watch a movie. Count three, two, one, and turn on the show of a film at the same time. Keep the call running for the entirety of the film so you can comment on it and discuss what’s going on.
- Solve crosswords. It’s good for the brain, and it can be fun! Try the legendary Sundays’ New York Times crossword or start with something simpler.
- Plan a trip together. If you’re lucky enough to be in a position where you can go back and forth, make a call to discuss possible destinations, things you can do there, hotels you can stay in, etc. You probably like to do it during working hours as a procrastination method, but it’s even more fun when done together with your partner.
- Workout. You want to stay healthy and toned up for each other, right? If you exercise regularly, you feel better and you live longer, meaning that you have many more years together with your lover. Working out together over Facetime can be a powerful way to stick to activities. Once you build the habit and the system, it will come naturally, and you’ll be able to keep each other accountable.
- Go on walks and facetime. Walk around, show each other your favorite spots, get some movements in, and catch up with your loved partner.
- Read to each other. Reading is hella romantic, and it’s often underestimated as a long distance relationship activity. Alternate between who reads each day, and you can go through many books together in a few months. You’ll be more well-read and have something to discuss. An absolute win-win!
- Play a game where users can interact. Xbox and PlayStation both have games where multiple players can complete quests together. You might not be walking around together in real life, but you can make a great team in the online world!
- Try sexting. Many of us shiver and get secondhand embarrassment even from thinking about sexting, but it’s a wonderful way to stay intimate while away from each other. It’s hard to replace sex in relationships, and it plays a rather important role in helping the partners maintain their emotional bond. Sexting is the closest you can get remotely, so don’t write it off.
How long can a long-distance relationship last without seeing each other?
There’ve been studies that showed that a few months (not more than six) is ideal for a long distance romance. If the couple is separated for longer, the risk of breaking up goes way up, even if both believe they’ve found their perfect match. Now, it’s not rocket science, of course, so take this knowledge with a grain of salt.
If you fear that one of you will lose interest and fall out of love, make sure you see each other more often. Also, make an effort to keep in touch on a meaningful level. It’s very easy to resort to standard chit-chat with your partner and not bother to go into details about your troubles, plans, and days when they’re far away. That’s how people slowly estrange and become acquaintances rather than lovers.
Is a long distance relationship worth it?
Only you can tell if it’s worth it or not!
Are you very fond of your lover who’s far away or about to be? If the answer is Yes, then a long distance relationship should definitely be something you consider. If you jump into it for kicks, and not as a mindful dating strategy where you’re willing to go through the trouble for this person, then your chances of breaking up are much higher. But if you’re intentional and your feelings are strong, there are many reasons why your union will go through the long distance period with grace and come out the other way much stronger.
One of the perks of long distance relationships that isn’t talked a lot about is the chance to take things slow and really get to know the other person. Many people rush things when they meet a new partner. Some of us are just naturally eager to jump to the next relationship stages because we know what we want from the start. Others want to keep up with the rest of the friend group and start families ASAP. Then there’s also an unintentional rush that we don’t even realize.
Long distance relationships allow us the luxury of slow dating. You can take your time with the romance, and grow closer but still have a lot of time to yourself. You don’t need all that if you’re after hookups and one-night stands, but if you’re really looking for the love of your life – this is a priceless opportunity to get to know them step by step and to be sure they’re the one.
