Online Dating Red Flags: Key Warning Signs to Watch For
We sincerely hope that everyone’s experience on the Once dating app and other dating platforms will be strictly positive and fun.
However, when dating online you get to meet all sorts of people, and it’s highly likely that not all of your interactions there will be pleasant. Thankfully, those weird guys with odd vibes usually send the signals that we can catch early on and end the communication.
Those signals are known as red flags – signs of (potentially) bad and toxic behaviors.
Today we’re going to talk about the importance of timely red flag spotting, uncover common dating site red flags, and the ways to deal with red flags you face.
Why Spotting Red Flags is Crucial
How much time do you have? Because we can talk about red flags and why it’s crucial to spot them, ideally early on, all day.
Red flags are like bright colors on poisonous animals in nature. You can choose to ignore them and eat the red bug, but you’ll 100% regret it later.
The number one reason why you need to watch out for online dating warning signs is because it can lead to you being stuck with someone who’s not really compatible with you for months and years. Many people find it hard to break up past a certain point, and if you stick to the walking red flag for too long, you might miss your chance of meeting your perfect match and soulmate.
Another big reason why red flags are to be taken seriously is that they often indicate dangerous tendencies in someone's personality. The seemingly innocent anger incidents that you tell yourself happened because of all the stress he/she is dealing with a lot of stress right now can turn into full-on violence and abuse.
Remember that people are putting on masks when they date, whether subconsciously or not. We all want to present our best sides to our dates, so naturally, we try to keep our less appealing character traits hidden. Now, if the person is doing something bad at this stage when they’re supposed to act all nice and innocent, what are they going to transform into once they feel more comfortable and casual around you?
If you’re dating, for example, a gaslighter and a manipulator, they can do a lot of damage to your confidence, the way you perceive yourself, and your inner peace. Many people end up spending years trying to deal with the consequences of one nasty romance. And there is no guarantee that you’ll ever get back to your fabulous and confident self. There is no such thing as an innocent red flag.
Overall, we can highlight several reasons to pay attention to red flags from day one of dating:
- Protect your mental (and physical) health and safety
- Save time that can be invested in someone more compatible with you
- Avoid toxic relationships that ruin your self-esteem
- Leave space for healthy and sustainable relationships
- Become more self-aware and knowledgeable about toxic traits
The Number One Red Flag for Online Dating
If we had to nominate the number one red flag for online dating, we’d say it’s inconsistency.
Although there are many internet dating red flags worthy of this title, being inconsistent is really your cue to see that something fishy is going on.
For example, they may be cheating on their partner, and only be able to text you here and there, hence delayed responses and random things they say that don’t add up to a proper conversation.
The other reason for inconsistency may be that they’re lying and aren’t trying to keep their made-up story straight. Some online dating users are con artists and try to get to people’s wallets or catfish them for fun. They can also be simply bored and not caring enough about the feelings of those they’re chatting with.
Common Red Flags on Dating Sites and Apps
Genuine, good-hearted people online will not be:
- Avoiding specifics of their lives, such as their occupation, where they live, their hobbies, previous romances, etc. Granted, nobody owes you the details of their personal life right away, but if you’re chatting actively and it seems like you’re hitting it off, the person won’t be hiding everything from you. They might not tell you the exact company they work for or the street and house number they live on, but they’ll give you at least something.
- Sending you sporadic responses. One day the person replies to you quickly and with proper full answers, and then they ignore you for five days or only respond with Yes or No or Maybe. Inconsistent and weird communication is a major red flag.
- Enhancing or full-on changing the way they look. Many of us are somewhat insecure and wish we looked a certain way. It’s not a crime in itself, but it’s very shady if you’re face-tuning yourself beyond recognition.
- Lying about age, financial status, where they live, if they’re single or not, and other things. No elaboration necessary – lying is bad and it’s a red flag.
- Having overly polished profiles that remind you of an American psycho.
- Moving too fast. Anyone who’s proposing to you after knowing you for two weeks is shady. We said what we said. Same with every other milestone. Love at first sight or not, but, you don’t rush through relationship stages unless you’re trying to conceal something and have the person locked in with you before they realize who you truly are. Alternatively, someone who’s moving too fast may not be malicious with it, but simply not think it through too well. They may fall in love with the image of you that they’ve polished and photoshopped in their heads. As a result, they’ll be disillusioned with you and either try to break up or secretly resent you and sabotage your relationship.
- Avoiding meeting in person. It’s okay not to want to meet with every single person you’re sort of hitting it off on the dating app. However, if you two have had deep talks, shared personal things about each other, and seem to be fond of one another, it’s only natural for you to want to meet online or at least make plans to do it.
- Asking for money and favors, accompanied by a soppy or insane story that is designed to compel you. There is zero chance that someone who is genuinely in trouble will sign up on a dating site and look for people to help them out. Many scammers are very smart and experienced, and they take their time before trying you. Some people had months-long chats with con artists before the crazy story and the financial request afterward followed.
- Disrespecting you, your dating goals or preferences, lifestyle, or beliefs. Basically, any sign of disrespect is a red flag. Full stop.
Identifying unsafe partners online is not always easy. Something that looks like toxic behavior in dating apps can turn out to be caused by the unique communication style that the person is using, for example, if they’re from a different culture. It’s very easy to misinterpret something online, especially online dating red flags in texting.
We get that you might not want to be this anxious person who sees danger everywhere and is always super alert. It’s tiring, and you’d much rather just trust people around you. However, if you see something that doesn’t look right and this feeling doesn’t go away, there is probably something to it.
Our intuition and gut feelings are far stronger than we think. We can often feel dating app red flags before we can fully understand them. If you’re unsure whether or not you’re dealing with a red flag, ask your friends and family or talk to a therapist.
Getting a fresh perspective on your situation is a good idea, even if you end up disagreeing with the person you opened up to.
Online Dating Red Flags While Texting
Many of the online relationship warning signs come through via texts. Here are the key red flags to watch out for:
- Dodging personal questions
- Sporadic responses
- Love bombing
- Contradictions in his personal story
- Expressing deep emotions too soon
- Generic messages that scream copy-paste
- Avoiding video calls
- Excessively dominant behavior
- Defensiveness to regular chill questions
- Pressuring you to share personal information
- Asking you to help them financially
How to Protect Yourself from Online Dating Scams
There’s no universal way to protect yourself against online scammers, unfortunately. Even the brightest people can be fooled by their tricks. What you can do is be alert, learn more about typical online scams, and set boundaries. If something seems fishy, challenge it by addressing it. If you don’t want to deal with those potential scams, simply block the person. You don’t owe anyone your time and attention. Always lead with your instinct. Trust yourself and don’t feel bad for walking away from a promising match, ever.
What to Do If You Spot Red Flags
There is really no reason why you’d stick with someone who’s exhibiting red flags. They’re red, and not pink, yellow, or beige. It means those things are bad.
If you think you might be wrong about red flags, talk to them directly about it and watch out for their reactions. If something is suspicious during this interaction – block them right away, no warning. Your mental health and safety should always be more important.
If the user is being extra bad and insults or threatens you, or suggests something dangerous, report them to the dating platform, and only then block him. This way, you’ll save other users from having to deal with them too.
Online Dating Red Flags FAQ
What is the red flag for online dating?
There are many red flags in dating online. Inconsistent responses, lying, trying to push you to the next step too fast, having a profile that looks too perfect and polished, not wanting to see you online, displaying anger and manipulation, – all those are online dating danger signs.
When should you come off online dating?
It’s really up to you when to say “Enough” and switch to traditional in-person dating. Everyone’s tolerance for red flags on dating sites is different. You might face the number one red flag for online dating (inconsistency) and think that it’s too much. Or you can continue to deal with warning signs in dating profiles and power through in hopes of finding a genuine loving partner.
Perhaps, if the number of red flags in dating online exceeds the number of green flags that you encounter, then it might be worth taking a pause, thinking about why you deal with so many weirdos, changing something about your profile bio, and trying again. If the signs of online scams and red flags continue to follow you, then maybe you should try a different online dating platform. Once, for instance, is focused on mindful dating and attracts more users willing to build a long-term relationship. Such dating apps generally attract a more decent public than apps and websites with no focus on mindfulness but rather a goal of attracting more people and promoting hookups and one-night stands.
Side note: **** There is absolutely nothing wrong with either hookups or one-night stands, but it’s hard to deny that a portion of people interested in those formats of dating are a little shady.
How can you tell if someone is genuine online dating?
If you think about what are the red flags on dating sites, you’ll instantly think of inconsistency, fake or altered images and profiles, hesitancy about Facetime or meeting in real life, pressuring you to say, think, or do something, and the list goes on.
So the first step to identifying someone genuine is not to see those signs of manipulation online. Next, the person you’re chatting with should not be too eager to please you and equally, they should have some thoughts of their own, and not be blindly agreeing to anything you’re saying.
Listen to your gut. Spotting dishonesty in dating apps can be complicated, but if your gut is screaming that something’s up, it most likely is. Take things slow and allow yourself time to figure out if there is really something shady going on or not.
