How to Get a Boyfriend: Strategies to Find and Keep a Decent Boyfriend

Finding a good boyfriend is not a mission impossible, but it’s quite close to it! 

If you go to online dating sites and apps, there is plenty of choice. Once you lock in a cutie, how do you make him want to be your boyfriend until the end of time? 

If that’s something you’re wondering about, then you’re in luck! Today we’ll talk about the best ways how to find a boyfriend and all the tricks to keep a great boyfriend who will make you happy. 

Define What You Want in a Boyfriend

The ultimate first step is understanding what you want from a guy. It’s hard to find a decent boyfriend if your definition of decent is blurry, right? 

Your relationship goals 

Defining your relationship goals is a fun exercise. It’s a powerful way to understand yourself better and break off any negative dating patterns that you might have had at any point in your life.

Here are the key factors you should consider:

1. Priorities. Are you looking for a life-long partner? Do you want a fling to get you through the cuffing or summer season? Is your priority right now sex because you’re busy working on your PhD? The right person that we meet at the wrong time can become a mess. If you know what you want, you’ll be able to filter out bad matches easier. 
2. Core values. What are non-negotiables for you, regardless of the dating format? Maybe it’s his stance on cheating or kids, or something like political views, or the simple things, such as personal hygiene? 
3. Visualize your perfect partner. Being able to imagine your ideal boyfriend is very powerful. It will help you finalize the criteria, your show stoppers, and must-haves. 
4. Think of boundaries. What are the core relationship boundaries you’re not ready for him to cross? Most common ones have to do with emotional and financial infidelity, abuse, gaslighting, and extreme weaponized incompetence. Your personal boundaries can be the same or completely different, but you need to have at least a rough idea of them. 

Tip: Reflect on your past relationships. Previous romances are an endless source of inspiration and learning. Look back at your dating dynamics and try to evaluate them objectively. It’s not always easy, especially if you’re still dealing with emotions or know, deep down, that you’ve been wrong at times. However, it’s a powerful tool to become a better girlfriend and a person and find a genuine, loving boyfriend. 

Be honest with yourself about what you want 

Whether it’s societal pressure, the habit, or something else that’s pushing you towards a relationship that doesn’t really work for you – it needs to stop. Your emotional and physical expectations and requirements, as well as your lifestyle, deserve to be prioritized and paid attention to when choosing a boyfriend.  

The more honest you are with yourself, the better you’ll feel in the relationship. Also, you’ll attract just the right kind of boyfriend that you need.  

Traits of a good and decent boyfriend 

The definition of a good and decent boyfriend varies of course, yet we can all agree on a set of key traits:

• Empathy
• Respectfulness 
• Supportive attitude
• Loyalty
• Trustworthiness 
• Sense of humor 
• Self-awareness 

With the set of personality traits above, the man is already qualifying to be considered top-5% of the dating market. If, on top of that, he is patient, ambitious, and has strong communication skills, then grab him and run! 

Do looks matter just like traits?

Yes and no. Surely, what he has inside his head and heart should matter more to you. However, it makes little sense to pretend that the way someone looks doesn’t play a role either. 

We have types and preferences, and nobody should be apologizing for them. 

At the same time, don’t let the Jacob Elordi-lookalike turn you away from any potential red flags and incompatibilities. When you just meet someone, their looks can overshadow who they are. It’s a bit dangerous as you can end up with the wrong guy if you don’t pay attention to his actions and ignore worrying signs. 

Build Confidence and Improve Yourself 

The next key step in dating is to build confidence. One of the best ways is to work on yourself, slowly improving and enhancing anything that’s causing your self-doubt.

Important: he self-improvement journey can get toxic quickly if you’re not careful. Not everything about you needs fixing, and we want you to remember that. Sometimes the people in our lives (including ex-boyfriends) will give us insecurities about our features and character traits, but they’re not always right. If you feel like you might be under someone’s influence in terms of how you perceive yourself, talk to a therapist who will help you to get to the bottom of this.  

How to get a boyfriend by developing self-confidence to attract a partner 

Here are the tried-and-tested tips to help you build confidence which will help you find a good boyfriend. 

1. Lean into your strengths. Why focus on all the aspects of yourself you don’t like when you can pay all this attention and dedicate the energy towards your key strengths? Anyone has great qualities that are worth celebrating. Focus on them and improve them further. For example, if you’re great at resolving conflicts or comforting someone, why not delve into it?
2. Create self-care rituals. Physical and mental self-care will make your life so much better, and they will boost your confidence too. Just make sure you’re not confusing self-care with self-indulgence. Sometimes we need a little bit of tough love to better ourselves. For example, self-care may be saying No to the extravagant dress you want, so you can be financially responsible and take care of the future you. It’s also not getting the little sweet treat so you can maintain your sugar levels just like you wanted to. Social media glamorizes self-care and capitalism is having a field trip with it too. Yet, in most cases, the best self-care is to clean your apartment, do an evening body stretch, and go to bed early. 
3. Set goals for yourself. Personal, career, educational, friendship, and romance too, of course. Brainrot was chosen as the word of the year in 2024 because so many of us do it. One of the reasons it happens is because we have nothing to work towards or look up to. If you have clear goals, you waste less time overall, and particularly you don’t spend hours on end worrying about whether or not you’re worthy or good enough for people around you. Instead of asking yourself “Why can't I find a boyfriend”, prioritize yourself and get better at anything that interests you. 
4. Adapt a more positive mindset. Fake positivity can be toxic, so don’t overdo it. Yet, try to shift your perspective on little things. For example, instead of lashing out at someone who bumped into you on the street, take a pause, say something calmly to them, and move forward. Don’t feed into negative emotions whenever possible. Those will only destroy your inner peace and bump up your stress levels. 
5. Meet new people. Adults often have a tough time making new friends and bonding with people outside of their immediate circles. Getting to know someone new is very helpful and healing though. Every person is like a different universe. Seeing their perspectives, and listening to their thoughts and ideas will open up a whole new world for you, and help you see yourself from a new perspective too. 

Remember – confidence is a journey. It’s not something you can just wake up with one day, but rather something that you’re building step by step every day. 

How to get a boyfriend by enhancing communication and emotional intelligence 

Communication is the absolute basis of any relationship, especially a romantic one. 

Here is what you can focus on to develop your communication skills and emotional intelligence:

1. Train empathy. Seeing the situation from other people’s perspectives is invaluable. If you want to have a solid relationship and fight less, you’ll need empathy. 
2. Practice active listening. Hearing and listening to someone are two different things. Make sure you’re really focusing on the person you’re talking to and make an effort to understand them. Ask follow-up questions as you’re speaking, and later on too. Active listening is not something that anyone masters by default. Sometimes our minds wander off mid-conversation. Happens to everyone, but if you’re prone to such behaviors, then you should definitely work on fixing them. 
3. Do emotions management. This doesn't mean suppressing your emotions, but rather learning to recognize, process, and deal with them in a sustainable fashion. 
4. Seek feedback from people around you. We know, it’s the last thing you (or any sane person) would want to do. However, if you open yourself up to all kinds of feedback, including criticism from your inner circle, you’ll be able to grow faster than you ever have. Input from your friends, family, and colleagues can help us see ourselves from a brand new angle which is priceless.   

Where to Find a Boyfriend

Although we’re strong believers in not chasing men or anyone else, if you want to boost your chances of meeting a cute guy, here are a couple of options for you.

• Social events in your city or immediate neighborhood
• Interest-based activities, such as master classes or concerts 
• Online dating apps that specialize in dating that you’re looking for (sex or mindful dating, for example)
• School or workplace (be vary of those institutions’ policies though) 
• Coffee shops and cafes 
• Gym, fitness classes, sports sections 
• Travel groups
• Friends parties and hangouts

If we had to choose, we’d go with travel groups as our top choice. Traveling is a privilege, and not everyone can do it, but you don’t have to fly to Nepal to see the world. 

Even when you go on a local trip to the next state, you get to experience someone else’s company in pretty unique circumstances and understand what they’re like better. 

Also, don’t shy away from using dating apps. These days you can find a dating app for anything. If you’re worried about the sex focus of many of them, try Once – it’s a dating platform that prioritizes mindful dating. 

How to Meet and Connect with Potential Boyfriends 

Depending on your preferences and values, you can ask the boy you like out or wait for him to make the first move. It doesn’t really matter that much these days, so go with what’s comfortable for you. 

When you end up meeting, try to make a good first impression but don’t censor yourself too much. You need to focus on how to meet a boyfriend who likes you for you, and not for the fictional character that you created. 

When talking, the balance between light-hearted and deep topics. Don’t pressure him into admitting his deepest secrets and desires, but watch out for value and priority signaling that he can drop between the lines. 

Recognizing a Good Match 

If you’re too worried thinking about how to get a boyfriend and don’t pay enough attention to the quality of eligible bachelors around you, you can end up with the wrong guy. 

To avoid that, watch out for the key traits we talked earlier about, such as empathy, compassion, and a caring nature. Also, don’t let the initial infatuation blind you. See right through all the manipulations and red flags that he exhibits. Challenge him if you notice something seems off and watch for his reactions. 

Also, we don’t like it, but if all our friends say this guy is fishy, you need to listen to them, even if you really don’t want to. Nine times out of ten, if something looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it is, indeed, a duck.

How Long Does It Take to Find a Boyfriend Usually? 

When you’re wondering how to get a boyfriend, at first nobody really thinks about the timeline. You want a partner and assume the right one will come along sooner rather than later. 

However, if you know yourself and what you want, it can take months and sometimes years to find the perfect match. 

How many criteria you have, your lifestyle, how much time you can allocate to dating, your own character, – all those factors define how long you’ll be looking for a special someone.

Luck also plays a big role in that. Someone can sign up for a dating app and meet the love of their life the next day. Others date extensively with no luck until they bump into their significant other years later.

It’s a journey that you shouldn’t rush. Real love will find you, and in the meantime, you can spend all your free time on things you enjoy and the things that make you a better human being. The key is to stay positive, even if life throws lots of lemons your way. And remember – you are worthy and great, single or in a relationship. Do what makes you happy, lead a fulfilled life, and your relationship status will change to happily in love soon enough.