Dating with a Disability: Advice and Tips for Building Connections

Dating with a Disability: Advice and Tips for Building Connections

There are nuances to dating with a disability though. We’ve put together a quick guide for anyone looking to build a meaningful connection while having some form of disability. 

We’ll be sharing tips on how to prepare the potential partner for the situations that your disability creates in your love life, share advice on breaking stereotypes, and ways to protect yourself from unwanted commentary. Finally, we’ll discuss why online dating is a great format for someone with a disability. 

Understanding the Unique Aspects of Dating with a Disability 

Dating with a disability comes with its unique aspects, and it makes no sense to deny it. What we can do is embrace the circumstances we’re in and make the most of them. 

Breaking stereotypes and overcoming biases 

It’s not the job of someone with a disability to educate people around them. However, it’s possible that you are the first person they chat with or date who has your particular type of disability, or any disability at all. 

That’s why it’s great if you can share your perspective and explain some factors about your condition to your potential dates. This will help them avoid accidentally hurting you. 

Here are a couple of tips for breaking stereotypes about dating with disabilities, or disabilities overall. 

1. Share your own story. This is by far one of the most effective ways of challenging stereotypes and humanizing the reality of living with a disability.
2. Call out inaccurate media portrayals. Don’t get us started on what the media gets wrong! One of those things is disability. Share your positive perspectives and talk about disability-related issues that never end up on the news. 
3. Practice what you preach. If you want your romantic partners to be respectful and compassionate, you also need to refrain from using exclusive language or making jokes about disabilities. 
4. Highlight accomplishments, victories, success stories, and projects created and executed by people with disabilities. If you know something cool – share it, and help change the perspective on disability, one person at a time.

Embracing your identity and building self-confidence 

Being a disabled person can be hard. The world isn’t adapted to your needs most of the time, and not all people are gentle and educated, so conversing with them can hurt. 

As a result, too many start seeing their condition as something shameful, something that should be hidden under the rug whenever possible. 

We at Once don’t want it to become the norm. Disability doesn’t make you less interesting, smart, or creative. 

Here are the tips for building self-confidence and being proud of who you are, regardless of your disability.

1. Focus on qualities that you’re proud of, such as resilience, compassion, hard work skills, knowledge about certain topics, and the ability to handle difficult conversations, etc. People are not one-dimensional, and they’re definitely more than just their disability. 
2. Set goals and celebrate progress. Whatever your plans, dreams, and aspirations are – they’re worth executing, and you’re worth being celebrated for it. If there’s something you want to do (get an education, start a YouTube channel, break into a new career, improve your financial situation, etc) you can achieve it and be proud of yourself. Break the goal into smaller tasks, celebrate every step (no matter how minor), and work on praising yourself for the little wins. 
3. Break off the negative self-talk. We’re all guilty of criticizing ourselves every once in a while. Yet, sometimes this goes out of control. Any time you notice that you’re doing it, stop immediately and think or say something good about yourself instead. Do this every time, and you’ll be able to break the bad habit. 
4. Get busy. The more engaged you are in different hobbies, charity projects, or even standard employment, the less time you have to overthink your situation. Do the things you’re genuinely interested in or curious about, and don’t be afraid to experiment. The worst thing that can happen is you’ll realize that you’re not enjoying it and you’ll stop. 
5. Contribution, not comparison. Try to move away from comparing yourself with others and focus on what you’re adding or, as podcast bros like to say it, what you bring to the table. 

Online Dating for People with Disabilities 

The world of online dating is perfect for someone with a disability. Here’s why. 

• You can meet people without leaving your home. Not all disabilities are visible, but all of them add some sort of discomfort and can prevent you from moving around freely and agreeing to dates left and right. 
• Your dating pool is the entire world. Meeting your perfect match is tricky, even if you’re fully body-abled, young, and conventionally attractive. Finding love with a disability is even harder. By going on dating apps and meeting lots of people virtually, you are boosting your chances of finding the right person. 
• Break the disability news remotely, saving yourself the trouble of going out and meeting a person who’s not ready or willing to date you because of your disability. Honestly, it’s their loss! And if you can save yourself from the discomfort of watching them try to come up with an excuse on a real-life date – even better. 

How to create an authentic and engaging profile 

Having a good profile on an online dating site is half of the success. There are a few key principles that you can follow to make your profile stand out.

• Add several photos where people can clearly see you. Make sure they’re well-lit, you’re in focus, and the quality is good too.
• In the bio, outline your key interests and personality traits. People want to get an idea of what it’s like to date you, so give them that. 
• Consider mentioning your disability, in the photo or in the description, but try not to make it the centerpiece of your story. 
• Highlight what you’re looking for. People want all sorts of things when they sign up for dating websites. Help yourself and help them understand if you’re on the same page about your relationship goals. 

Tips for Successful Dating with a Disability 

Dating isn’t easy sometimes, but here is how you can maximize your chances of success with disability dating.

• Think about the timing for talking about your disability. Some prefer to point out their condition immediately, others wait a bit. There are also people who go out of their way to keep it a secret. Everyone has their own reasons, and it’s up to you to decide when to share your disability. However, make sure that you’re not misleading the other person. Even if you’re hiding it simply out of fear of rejection and not for some malicious reason, your date might see it as a betrayal. They can then break up with you not because of the disability per se, but rather how you handled it. 
• Talk about your needs and boundaries openly. Unless your dates have a similar disability themselves or in the family, they’ll most likely be clueless about your needs and the boundaries that they’re breaking. Walk them through those things. If they’re a loving, caring partner, they’ll adapt. If this turns into an issue, this might be a red flag that you should address. This is especially important for dating disabilities, such as if your sex life or procreation options are limited.
• Choose accessible venues and plan thoughtful dates. Depending on where you live, finding an accessible area for a date can be easy or problematic. Research a few places before you go out on a date or ask someone out. Make sure you can move around there freely and have a good time with your partner. If you’re being invited on a date, double-check that you can get there and enjoy yourself. Don’t be afraid to voice your concerns and offer an alternative location. 
• Handle misconceptions and educate your partner calmly. The thing is, there will be misconceptions about your or all disabilities, unless the other person is dating with disabilities too. It will be annoying at times, but unless the person is being intentionally malicious, you should do your best to handle those situations with grace. 
• Focus on compatibility. Just because someone is okay with you being disabled doesn’t mean you’re a good match. Pay attention to shared values, interests, and lifestyles. You need a solid foundation to build a healthy relationship on, and them accepting your condition is only one element of that. 

Dating Someone with a Disability: Advice for Partners 

Dating a disabled can be tricky. You don’t always know what to say and how to act. The last thing you want is to accidentally hurt someone near and dear to your heart.

But don’t worry, as long as you have good intentions, you’ll be able to navigate the special needs dating well. Here are a few tips to help you.

• Learn about their disability. Read articles online, watch bloggers with similar cases, ask your partner to share more with you.
• Be honest and open if you have a question or don’t understand something. 
• Try not to make assumptions or lean into stereotypes. 
• Offer support and ask about the best way to do it. 
• Be prepared to advocate for them. Sadly, many disabled people experience discrimination, especially in public. Be ready to step in. 
• Avoid feeling pity for them. Don’t tell them that, and try not to get stuck in this mindset internally either. 

Avoid the extremes when dating special needs people. DON’T:

1. Overpraise 
2. Call everything inspirational 
3. Focus just on disability

Resources for Special Needs and Disability Dating 

Before we sign off, here are a couple of resources for someone with special needs dating online. 

• Once is a mindful online dating site for both disabled and able bodied people. The website focuses on quality rather than quantity, and ensures you won’t just get many matches with all sorts of people, but are connected with someone who actually matches your vibe and is compatible with you. 
• If you’d like to go to themed portals, there are many special needs dating websites, such as Whispers4U, Glimmer, LoveAbility, or Dating4Disabled. 
• There are also websites that help you find both friends and lovers. Being disabled can be lonely, especially if you don’t have friends with similar cases. You can find like-minded people to build a platonic relationship with on Special Bridge or Hiki.

Tip: You’ll find plenty of disability singles dating websites, but don’t use them exclusively. There are tons of people who use regular dating websites who will be completely fine with dating you. They probably have no idea about those specific websites or feel like it’s not right for them to register there. Don’t leave them out of your dating portfolio.