Zombieing in Dating: Who Let the Zombies Out?

This is not a drill! There is yet another crazy dating trend that we must share with you – zombieing. Don’t freak out, but users across all social media platforms are reporting new cases of zombieing popping up across the country. 

What is zombieing in dating? 

You’d think that the meaning of zombieing is following the person anywhere they go mindlessly or hyper-focusing on their brains and smarts. That’s not quite the case. 

Zombieing in dating is when your hot date ghosts you, disappears from the face of Earth, and then has the audacity to come back from the dead and start hitting you up again. How rude! Most of the time, those zombies don’t offer an apology or any explanation as to why they treated you like that in the first place. It’s business as usual for them, and they’re picking it up right where they left it. 

Note: Zombieing is primarily about the digital sphere. If you happen to bump into someone you’ve ghosted on the streets, that’s just an unfortunate accident, and not zombieing. Also, liking your posts online can be considered zombieing too. 

Zombieing vs ghosting 

Ghosting is when your communication with a love interest ends abruptly, and they don’t respond to your texts or calls. They disappear from your relationship completely and with no explanation, become ghosts. Zombieing is the next step after ghosting. After they’ve cut you off out of nowhere, they come back into your life just as randomly. Both behaviors are disrespectful and upsetting, but they can be honest mistakes too. 

Zombieing vs submarining 

Zombieing and submarining are similar behaviors but are different concepts. Zombieing can happen without bad intentions, but submarining is usually a nasty tactic to manipulate and gaslight you, or to feel control over your life. Both behaviors often come with a lack of accountability, but it’s the submarining ones you should 100% stay clear of. 

Why are people zombieing others?

Well that’s a million-dollar question, isn’t it? You’d think that they would have the courtesy to stay gone after they’ve ghosted you. Yet somehow they think it’s cool to slide in your DMs again. 

So what’s someone’s motivation to reach out again? That varies.

• They had a change of heart about ghosting you. It’s possible that someone treated you like that because they weren’t sure you were their perfect match. And only after they’ve gone radio silent did they realize their mistake. Then it took them a while to build up the courage to talk to you, so there you go – that’s why it took them so long to pop up, and now it became zombieing. 
• You’re their second choice and the first fell off. Someone might keep you in mind as an extra option in case their primary choice doesn’t work out. They try dating the other person, and when it fails, they run back to you. 
• They’re bored and have nothing better to do. Sounds harsh, but some people will come back to your life just to spend the time. They’re sitting home, trying to figure out a way to entertain themselves, and there you go, – they start texting random dates and see who gets back to them. 
• They feel lonely. Similarly to being bored, some people can’t handle being on their own, so they want company. And even if they didn’t actively choose you as their preferred partner or lover, you can seem like the right person to help them get rid of anxiety and feel better for a while. Not everyone is malicious about it though, many people don’t even realize the reasons behind their actions.
• They’re horny. Perhaps you’ve had sex on your first date or some time down the line before they ghosted you. So now they’re hoping they’ll be able to get lucky again.
• They don’t think they’ve ghosted you. Maybe the person has their own twisted version of slow dating, and they’re taking the time to catch up with you, thinking it’s actually okay. If that’s the case, sharing how you feel about it can help them readjust and be more active. 

What to do if you were zombied 

Imagine you’ve had your fair share of dating online, gone on dates with a few cute people, hit dead ends in a few dating chats, and been ghosted a couple of times. A normal experience of someone who’s active on dating apps and online dating sites. Now, one day you wake up and see a familiar nickname texting you, only this is the person you haven’t spoken with in weeks and months. What do you do? 

Think about how you feel towards this person. Do you like them enough to give them a second chance? If the answer is no, feel free to ignore or block them, so they won’t disturb your peace again. And don’t think it’s rude. They were rude first when they ghosted you, so they don’t really deserve a response from you. 

If you’re feeling generous and forgiving, respond, but make sure they understand that ghosting you is not the right move, and that you won’t tolerate it again. Honestly, disappearing from your life just like that is kind of a red flag, or perhaps a pink flag. They’ve shown disrespect towards you, and if they’re not even comprehending that their behavior was wrong, then it’s another bad sign.

Have an honest conversation with them and establish boundaries for future communication if you choose to keep in touch with them. We’re all for mindful dating at Once, and encourage everyone to know their worth and not settle for people who don’t treat them right. 

Then again, if you’re only after a bit of fun, and are confident that you won’t fall for this person, then you can skip the serious talk and jump into flirting, sexting, and other exciting activities. 

Whatever you choose to do, follow your instincts. There is no one right or wrong way to deal with a zombie. Just make sure you protect your feelings and your peace.