Yellow Flags in Dating
But trust us, those are not just hyped-up Gen Z terms. There’s actual substance behind all of them, and we’re here to tell you exactly what yellow flags in dating and relationships stand for.
What are the yellow flags in a relationship?
For starters, what do yellow flags mean? Basically, a yellow flag is anything worrisome around the behavior, character traits, or beliefs of your partner. They are like warnings that we should be aware of and monitor. Yellow flags don’t warrant an immediate breakup, but they’re something you definitely need to bring up with your partner to make sure it doesn’t grow into a major issue.
Examples of yellow flags in dating
Now, yellow flags will be different for every couple. In the Once team, for example, some of us would say that a partner wanting to be around you 24/7 is a cause for concern, while others think it’s cute and romantic, and means you are soulmates.
Here’s what can be considered a yellow flag in a relationship:
Your perfect match has no interests
If they’re perfectly content with sitting in front of the TV all day, and nothing seems to spike their curiosity, that’s definitely something you need to look into. They may struggle mentally, be burnt out, or have genuine disinterest in anything besides their job and love life. All those reasons sound kind of bad and worth looking into.
They don’t have any friends
We all like to joke about how we have no friends every once in a while. It’s all fun and games, but if your significant other really has zero friends, this is a yellow flag for sure. We all grow up in different circumstances, and some of us struggle with making and maintaining friendships, especially if we moved a lot growing up or experienced trauma. Not every person without friends is a yellow flag, but it can be an indication that they can’t nurture long-term healthy relationships. As their lover, you have all the right to be concerned about that.
They don’t have boundaries and/or don’t respect yours
Relationship boundaries are important. They help us stay on good terms with people in our lives without compromising our own happiness and well-being. Boundaries are essential for mindful dating, and if your partner doesn’t have any or can’t be bothered to respect your boundaries, it’s a yellow flag, or even a full-on red flag, depending on the severity of your situation. Their disrespect for boundaries means that they don’t empathize with you or don’t value you enough to care. The person doesn’t need to understand or share your boundaries to be mindful of them if they really like you.
Says all their exes are crazy
Some people are simply unlucky with their love lives. They’re dating online, dating in real life, but they only seem to meet weird and unfitting lovers. It’s also very possible that they’re the common denominator in all those romances, and they are, in fact, the crazy ex. The tricky thing is that you can never know for sure unless you try dating them. People are good at hiding their bad traits, so if you face this yellow flag, try slow dating to make sure you don’t fall for them before you’re certain they are a good fit.
They don’t share much with you
It’s normal for someone to be reserved about their life and experiences if you’re just talking in the dating chat for now. However, if you’re going out and all that, and the person is still giving you nothing – it’s a yellow flag 100%. Them hiding information can mean that they’re either doing something they know will upset you, such as cheating, or they simply struggle with opening up. Building emotional intimacy is paramount for a successful partnership, so if you feel that something is off, don’t be afraid to bring this up. Even the way your partner reacts to you talking about it will tell you a lot.
They don’t introduce you to other people in their life
Normally, when you start going out more or less regularly, you end up meeting your partner’s friends, family members, co-workers, etc. If that doesn’t happen in your case, and you both lived in the city for a while, then you can be rightfully worried. Maybe they’re simply not ready to introduce you (which can be a yellow flag on its own), or they’re ashamed of you or them. Either way, it’s concerning, so pay attention to this.
They’re close with their ex
If your partner and their ex have kids or a business together, then fine. In all other cases – there really is no good reason why someone would stay close to their former lover. Being on good terms with an ex is probably a green flag, but being too cordial with them is just weird. They’ve broken up, so there is no reason why their relationship needs to keep going.
They don’t plan with you in mind
Imagine dating someone for a while and finding out that they’ve planned a vacation without telling you. We know we would be upset! When you’re dating and you enjoy your relationship, you naturally plan with the other person in mind. Even if you don’t include your partner in all activities, at least you consult them or tell them about your plans before setting them in stone.
Yellow flags vs red flags
Red flags are yellow flags that weren’t paid attention to for long enough. Red flags are deal breakers, something that you can’t tolerate and should leave the relationship because of. Gaslighting, verbal and physical abuse, and anger issues are examples of red flags. A yellow flag, for example, can be them gaslighting you a couple of times but about minor things, or maybe it’s the big things, and they tried gaslighting but then backed down for some reason.
Yellow flags vs green flags
Green flags are the good things that demonstrate to us that the partner we chose is a real catch. Green flags can be them being empathetic to what you’re going through and supporting you. If you want a family, a green flag for you can be that they’re open to having kids either through birth or adoption. Yellow flags, in turn, are these little details that indicate that you might not match with this person 100%.
Yellow flags vs pink flags
Yellow and pink flags are similar, but there is a difference. A pink flag is usually very subtle, and it’s only an indicator that you need to pay attention to something. A yellow flag is the next stage. It’s when the issue is still minor or not confirmed, but it can escalate if left unattended. This can be, for instance, your partner dismissing your feelings more often over time.
How to know if something is a yellow flag or not
How do you know if something you deal with is really a yellow flag and not something you’re making up? In all honesty, this is very subjective, so only you can tell what’s a yellow flag and what’s not.
Still, there are ways to identify yellow flags. Here’s how you can do it:
- Start with yourself. Think about what’s important for you in life and in dating. After all, things can only be yellow flags if you care about them. So, if your partner doesn’t want to make money, for example, and they’re not eager to work in general, this can be a yellow flag or not depending on how you view financial relationships’ dynamics and what your own situation is.
- Remember the previous experiences – if you didn’t like something in your previous romance, you’re most likely not going to enjoy it in your current one.
- Think about the way your partner makes you feel. Sometimes we struggle with identifying that something is a yellow (or any other) flag, but our subconscious is screaming to us and manifests in our feelings of anxiety, anger, fear, or something else. If your body has a negative physical reaction to your partner, it’s worth diving into why that is happening.
What to do with yellow flags in your relationship
Yellow flags are, in a way, a God’s send. Many couples don’t get yellow flags or ignore them, and end up straight in the red flag situation, where changing the dynamic is very hard or even impossible.
If you spot something that looks like a yellow flag, don’t wait for it to turn into something bigger. Act now.
Talk to your partner about it, be gentle, and avoid blaming them. Reach out to a therapist to help you deal with it, and go to couples therapy if your partner doesn’t mind. You can also do nothing for some time and simply watch what happens. It may very well be that the yellow flag is not a big deal after all and it goes away. But just like with a health threat – if something persists, face it and deal with it early on to save yourselves the nerves and the troubles.
