Do People Actually Find True Love?
And if you do decide to find true love, where do you start? And how do you differentiate it from temporary infatuation or a crush? It’s not an easy task, but we’re hoping our little guide will help you find the perfect match and the true love that you deserve.
What is true love in a relationship?
Creating a definition of true love is not easy. Everyone has their own meaning for it, but in general, it is a relationship that’s characterized by commitment to each other. It is a blend of emotional intimacy, respect for one another, and mutual support. It usually involves sharing important views, ethics, and values, and being able to communicate clearly and manage to stick together even when things get tough.
Signs of true love
How do you spot true love out there? Here are the main characteristics and signs to look out for.
- You support each other, even when you don’t necessarily agree on the topic. This could be you staying by your girlfriend’s side as she’s trying a new career path that you couldn’t be more skeptical of. This also means standing by your partner and not letting others hurt or disrespect them. Such as when you’re at a family gathering and this one uncle keeps talking weirdly about your boyfriend, and you cut them off and tell them to stop, instead of silently listening to what he has to say. Also, if your partner is doing something you don’t agree with in terms of ethics and values, you don’t automatically drop them, but seek a way to get through to them and help them not repeat the mistake moving forward.
- You’re friends and not just lovers. We did a little exercise where we looked closely at the couples we knew that matched the definition of true love. One of the things that united all those couples is that you could tell they’re not just sexually attracted to each other, but they’re actual friends who enjoy spending time and doing things together. With true love, you are happy to be around the person 24/7, and you feel comfortable and happy by their side. Think of all the boomer couples where the wife can’t wait for the husband to leave for work in the morning, and the husband is terrified of the idea of not being in the office five days a week. This can still be love, but it’s not true love.
- You don’t get butterflies, at least not often. The myth of feeling butterflies in your stomach being pretty much a verification of true love has been debunked many times, yet we still keep falling for it. It’s now believed that those flying insects are actually indicating that our subconscious knows that something isn’t right and tries to warn us about danger. With true love, you feel at peace and calm because you’re confident in your lover and you’re not going through constant fights and dramas with them.
- There’s a lot of emotional vulnerability in your couple. True love means you can open up to your partner about all sorts of things. You not only have physical, but also emotional intimacy that contributes to you feeling safe, heard, and understood in your relationship. Emotional bond is a non-negotiable element of true love.
The opposite of true love
For funsies, let’s also look at some of the signs that are clearly indicating that true love is not in the room with us right now.
- You or your partner can’t be bothered with respecting your relationship boundaries. For example, a boyfriend can run around flirting with other girls even though he knows it’s a big issue for his girlfriend.
- You can’t definitely say that you feel respected in your relationship. This is a huge red flag, by the way, and definitely a sign that it’s not true love.
- You’re struggling to see a future with them, or you can but you’re not happy about the vision you get. This is a major tell-tale when your significant other is not fitting well into your future life.
- You’re always attracted to other people and don’t mind flirting over dating chat or even fooling around with them. Cheating is not really a big part of true love, believe it or not.
Don’t go to Hollywood for true love inspiration
True love is an elusive concept that’s unique to every scenario. Still, it’s fair to say that true love in real life doesn’t (always) look like a story that you see in Disney cartoons or Hollywood movies. It is multifaceted and often involves decisions and actions that you won’t see on the screen.
It’s true that genuine love isn’t supposed to be complicated and involve lots of ups and downs, but it can’t always be simple and easy either. In life, we go through many complex situations and periods, and that’s where true love is tried and tested. It involves being near to your partner when they’re down and no fun for extended periods of time. It’s also about not falling for temptations and always choosing your true love.
You’d think true love means that you won’t have a temptation to begin with but it’s simply unrealistic. If you’re with someone for 5,10,20 years or more, it’s only natural that you’ll be meeting other people who’ll be catching your attention. The key here is what you do with that interest – act on it or preserve what you have with your true love.
How to find true love
First of all, you need to get yourself out there. Download the Once dating app to find someone online, go out with friends, and say Yes more to new experiences and locations. You won’t be able to find true love if you lock yourself up in your house and not talk to anyone.
Also, be open to the idea of dating and finding love. Stop with any negative self-talk that you might be feeding yourself. You’re worthy and you’re deserving, and when an interesting person comes into your life, you explore the possibility and not run away.
Next, be honest with yourself about what you want. Are you ready to jump into the new romance and rush through all relationship stages to reach the final destination, or are you willing to wait and do slow dating before you’re 100% sure they’re the one? Once you know that, it will be easier to navigate dating and look for the person who meets your needs (and whose needs you meet too).
Lastly, continue living your life. Be out there and engage in conversations with new people, go on dates, and so on. But don’t feel like this needs to be a project where you dedicate all your time and focus on finding true love. Often this will reduce your chances of reaching desired results. Do your own thing, go out, learn new skills, attend events, and stay on the lookout in the meantime.
How to maintain true love
Every relationship is different, but here are good tips that will help you keep the spark and maintain a lifelong loving relationship with your partner:
- Communicate openly. You need to be able to have a deep talk with your lover about anything. If something’s bothering you – discuss it. If you’re curious about something – share it. Also, try to assume less. We never know what’s going on in other people’s heads, so your best bet is to ask them. Communication is pretty much magic. It will keep your relationship strong and help it get deeper and deeper as time passes.
- Don’t avoid conflicts and change the way you fight. Fighting is a natural part of any relationship. You can’t agree with someone all the time, it’s statistically impossible. Plus when you’re living under the same roof or simply spend a lot of time together, it’s only natural to get grumpy every once in a while. When you have a conflict, focus on resolving it rather than hurting each other. No matter how pained you are, navigating a conflict with respect and the best intentions will help you get through it.
- Do things together, minus the smartphones. We all fall into the trap of being around each other so much that it feels like we can scroll while being together, and that’s okay. It really is okay sometimes, but do your best to actually be with each other when together. This means talking to each other and observing things together. Trust us, you won’t miss those silly TikToks as much as you’d miss the connection you once had but lost somewhere along the lines.
Does true love even exist?
If you’re dating online for a while, it can feel like we’re all doomed, and true love is an invention of capitalism that’s created to incentivize us to spend more money on goods and experiences. However, true, lifelong love definitely exists. Some people are lucky enough to find their soulmate early on, for others it’s a longer journey that is still worth it.
While you’re in the process of finding one, make sure to build a deep and loving relationship with yourself too. When the right person comes, you want to be a good fit for them and not jeopardize the relationship with self-hatred, insecurity, or other negative tendencies that can not only ruin your own life but be a reason why your romance falls apart.
