Is Threesome Really Worth It? And How to Have a Good One

What is a threesome? 

Threesome is a sexual intercourse between three people. This can be two women and a man (FFM), two men and one woman (MMF), as well as a group of people of the same gender. While foreplay can technically be called a threesome, the term is usually reserved for oral, vaginal, or anal sex.

What's the allure of a threesome?

It’s hard to explain where the world’s obsession with threesomes is coming from. First of all, it’s something that’s often deemed out of reach, forbidden, sinful, and definitely not what you should be doing, especially if you’re in a committed and healthy relationship. That’s why it naturally becomes more desirable. 

Second, it’s in our faces a lot, whether in adult films or mainstream movies and TV shows. It’s something that attractive people on the screen do, so we internalize and normalize the desire to have it at least once in our lifetime. 

Moreover, if you’re in a long-term committed relationship, you’re not sleeping around with other people. Sometimes that makes your sex life a little stale. And if you don’t want to cheat or break up just because sex isn’t that hot anymore, a threesome offers an incredible opportunity to step outside of your normal bedroom patterns, try something new together with your partner, and create a memory that you’ll 100% remember forever. 

How to have a threesome that doesn't suck

Now, not all threesomes are great threesomes. Some of them will be hot and erotic beyond comprehension, while others can feel kind of lame, awkward, and even uncomfortable. Planning and preparations are not very sexy but will make a world of difference. 

So, without further ado, here is how to have a threesome that all of you will actually enjoy.

#1 Consent, consent, consent 

Threesomes are one of those things where it’s rather common for one partner to really want the threesome and the other person agrees to it out of fear of disappointing their lover. Don’t let that happen to you! Convincing anyone to do something they’re not entirely up to is unacceptable (and borderline criminal), so make sure you get explicit consent from all participants before you engage in a threesome. 

#2 Discuss boundaries

Is anal okay? What kind of protection is everyone comfortable with? What is out of the question, no discussion? Are you ready to try new things and experiment? Knowing each other’s boundaries in sex or a relationship, in general, will help you have a great time without making anyone feel bad. Be ready to voice your ideas and fantasies, and be prepared to hear others out, but avoid insistence from any side. 

#3 Find a spot to accommodate you all 

Whether you’re doing it in a shower, in the bedroom, by the pool, or anywhere else – make sure there is space for all three people to comfortably move around and switch positions with ease. Clumsy sex is okay sometimes but it can kill the mood.

#4 Don’t stress too much – you’re all in it together 

It’s pretty normal to worry about the upcoming threesome, especially if you don’t have them all the time. However, there is absolutely no reason to stress too much over it. Probably all of you have similar feelings, so it’s best to relax, breathe out, and go with the flow. Also, don’t waste your time dreaming up scenarios and planning who will do what and where. You’ll be able to improvise, and it’s honestly the best strategy, trust the Once team. 

#5 The more protection, the merrier

When it comes to protection, more is more. Condoms, wet wipes, dental dams – it’s best to stock up on those items before the act. No matter what kind of setup you have in terms of male and female proportions, – you need to have extra protection to switch up between each other, the toys, and the types of sex you’re having. 

#6 Break the ice before the main act

Mindful dating applies to threesomes too. Watch out for the atmosphere and make it more comfortable for your sex partners. Dim the lights, turn on the music, and offer them drinks and snacks. Do it out of politeness, even if you’re sure nobody will take them.  

#7 Be strategic about who you threesome with 

Don’t accept all threesome offers and also don’t invite just anyone. You don’t have to activate slow dating mode and wait until you find the absolutely perfect match but don’t choose just anyone. If you’re a couple, avoid having sex with a close friend or an acquaintance. Ideally, try to find a stranger who’d be up for it. This way, if the threesome is not a success, you won’t have to see them ever again. Please note that you should still treat them with respect and not do anything you wouldn’t want to be done to you. 

Whether you’re a couple or a single person looking to join someone, check out portals for dating online, and don’t be afraid to voice your preferences in the dating chat, as well as list them in your profile bio.  

After the threesome

Once the main act is over, take some time to process what happened. 

1. Reflect on your feelings. Did you like it? What should be changed for the next time? Are you even up for another threesome time?
2. Follow up with the people you slept with. Ask them if they felt comfortable all the way through and discuss anything that you guys feel needs to be talked about. 
3. Go on with your life. Some threesomes will be transformative and eye-opening, some will be just sex, and some will be weird and awkward. In any case, don’t treat it as something super important. Have fun with it and move on.