Textationship 101: All You Need to Know About the Latest Dating Trend

First, we had a relationship, then came a situationship, and now a textationship! Here is everything we know about the new and weird dating trend.  

What is a textationship? 

Textationship is a form of bond, connection, or relationship, if you will, where two people are primarily conversing and hanging out via texts. Imagine, you chat, share most inner thoughts, engage in flirting, sexting, and fights – all through the dating chat of the dating app you guys matched on. 

The term is fresh out of the oven, so its meaning is shifting depending on who you talk to. Some say a textationship is solely about dating online, and if you meet in person, that’s no longer a textationship, but something else. Others disagree and see a textationship as something that’s primarily happening online, but can also venture out in the real world every once in a while. 

Signs you are in a textationship 

There are several signs that can indicate you are in a textationship:

1. You chat for weeks and months, but something’s always preventing you from meeting in person. 
2. They disappear as soon as you start making plans for real life, only to reappear “when it’s safe again” in a few days. 
3. You develop an emotional connection to the person, despite not seeing them much or ever. 
4. The relationship feels very real, and it’s just as meaningful to you as traditional dating.
5. You’re getting mixed messages on the status of your relationship.
6. Sometimes it feels like they chat with you simply to not feel lonely or bored. 

Why do people engage in textationships?

It’s hard to tell exactly why textationship is so hot right now. One theory is that with our new digital era, and the era of hustling and living busy lives, a textationship is a low-effort way of building a connection and not feeling lonely. You get to have this special someone who you can tell anything and everything about your life, but there is no need to worry about how you look and what impression you leave in real life.

Another theory is that we can hide behind our avatars and be anyone we want, building a persona that has little to do with who we are in reality. The other person doesn’t know that we’re bluffing, so we can live vicariously through this fantasy of being someone else. Kind of like when you played Sims as a child and invested a lot of time and effort to make characters, who look just like you, smart, successful, and impossible to say No to. 

For some, a textationship is a rebirth of no-strings-attached dating. You’re there for a good time, but once something stops to please you – you can ghost them, a.k.a disappear into the void once and for all.  

Is a textationship bad? 

Honestly, it’s hard to tell if a textationship is good or bad. It all depends on the perspective you’re evaluating it from. If one person wants to find their perfect match and thinks that they’re in some kind of slow dating phase which will accelerate once the two people get to know each other better, then it’s a problem. 

Most of the time, one party is happy with things staying virtual, and they’re not looking at taking the next step. If that doesn’t match with expectations of the other person, then textationship can feel disappointing and manipulative. 

Textationships can also be addictive. Kind of like there is a certain appeal in secret dating, there is also something exciting about having this one mysterious person who you’re texting with. It’s like you can imagine them to be a certain way and create this perfect fantasy without knowing much about them, besides what they choose to share with you over texts. There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of a fantasy, but many people who’ve been in textationships before share that these relationships took over their lives. If that starts happening to you, then it’s definitely a sign you need to reconsider your arrangements. 

However, if both sides are okay with having this little virtual romance, and they’re not looking for anything beyond a fun and intimate text exchange, then a textationship can be perfectly fine. At the end of the day, any dating format has a right to exist, and as long as it’s not hurting anybody – we at Once team have nothing against it.  

How to end a textationship 

Now, if a textationship wasn’t on your mindful dating bingo card, here are a few strategies to end it, whether by moving it to the next phase or by calling it quits:

• Schedule a call. In case you want your textationship to evolve into something bigger, and not vanish, you can broaden your options with calls. First regular calls, then FaceTime or conference calls, and who knows, the next thing you know you’re booking tickets for a weekend getaway together. 
• Think about your expectations and needs from dating, and communicate them to your partner. If textationships are not enough for you, they need to know. Once you’ve said what you had to say, the ball will be in their court. Their next move will decide the fate of the textationship. 
• Give them a deadline. Nobody likes an ultimatum, but difficult times call for tough measures. You’ll be risking a lot with setting a deadline, but you’ll ultimately be gaining the freedom from knowing if they’re ready to take the next step or not. 
• Block them. This is the most drastic measure on your list, but it’s the most effective one if you struggle with letting go. Some textationships can go on forever and never lead to anything. If you’re sick and tired of how things are, and the other person doesn’t seem to want to change your arrangement, then block them and move on with your life. You deserve better.