Your Guide to Spontaneous Sex

What is spontaneous sex, exactly?

The meaning of spontaneous sex is simply having intercourse without pre-planning or scheduling it. Instead of agreeing on a date night where you both suppose sex will be the grand finale, you can, for example, jump on each other as soon as you arrive home, unwashed and still in your work clothes. 

Benefits of spontaneous sex

Besides the obvious orgasms, you get the thrill of having sex, something that can decrease in a relationship, especially if you’ve been with your partner for a rather long time. Planning and scheduling aren’t sexy. Plus, if you know that there is a romantic dinner on Friday, that puts an expectation on the night, which is not as fun either. 

Spontaneous sex keeps you on the edge but in a good way. It helps you express your emotions and desires to your partner right when you feel them, which can lead to a more passionate sexual experience.  

Instead of seeing your sexual life as a dull chore or a routine, you’ll have more fun with it, and more pleasure too! You’d not typically consider spontaneous sex drive as an important factor in mindful dating, but in reality, it keeps the spark alive and helps couples stay together and strengthen their emotional bond through good relationship sex. 

Spontaneous vs reactive sex

Let’s look at the differences between spontaneous and reactive, a.k.a. responsive sex.

Spontaneous sex is impulsive and exciting, and it’s largely driven by emotions in the moment. Reactive sex, in turn, is something that happens as a response to external factors. For example, one partner gets spontaneously horny and starts playing with their lover, leaving the latter aroused and ready to have sex. 

Unlike spontaneous sex, reactive sex is conditional as it requires certain triggers to happen, such as the partner approaching them with a dirty mind. 

How to have more spontaneous sex with your partner: key tips 

Okay, now that we know what spontaneous sex is and why it’s good for you, let’s look at the hows of the process. The below tips may or may not have been tested by the Once team, but they’re all great in helping you loosen up a bit and become more spontaneous sexually. 

#1 Enough of the planning!

Don’t treat sex as another thing on your to-do list. Stop planning out your sexy sessions and start living them. It’s okay to sometimes plan for sexytime, especially if you have a romantic cabin booked somewhere in the mountains for the weekend, but this cannot be your reality 24/7. Overthinking and organizing sucks (no pun intended) all the joy out of sex. Instead, watch out for random opportunities to sleep with your lover, like if your taxi is delayed for 20 minutes, or you’ve both woken up earlier than usual and have an extra 30 minutes free before having to rush for work. 

#2 Share your fantasies

Sharing is caring. And if you want something to happen, sometimes you have to make it known to the other person. If you’ve always wanted to have sex in the car, you better talk about it, so next time you’re parked in a remote spot where nobody can see you, your lover will be more inclined to surprise you with some action. 

On a side note, talking about sex in general is a great idea. Emotional intimacy is intertwined with physical one, so having a deep talk or two about sex will make your bond stronger and help you feel less vulnerable when suggesting or trying new things. 

#3 Get yourself out there 

If you want to have spontaneous sex more often, initiate it more often. Yes, you have a risk of running into a No from the partner if they’re really not feeling it, but you can also get what you want, and then you both will be happy. 

#4 Explore new locations

A change in sex pattern requires a change in mindset. Look around and think of all the places that could be the background for your sex activity, but you’ve never tried them before. You don’t have to come up with some crazy locations, even your living room can surprise you. For instance, have you ever done it on the carpet? Or that armchair that’s constantly covered with clothes, towels, and God knows what else. Why not have sex right on top of that pile? Potentially right at the moment when you’re arguing about cleaning it up. 

#5 Go public 

To kind of piggyback on the previous point – just like startups can have IPOs, you too can go public, just in your own, different way. A stop on the way in the middle of nowhere, your backyard, an empty movie theatre late at night on a weekday, – all those can be perfect places to have sex. Just make sure your PDA won’t break any laws, or that you at least won’t get caught. There’s something special about having sex in public, bonus points when you didn’t even discuss the possibility of it. 

#6 Respect the hygiene

Let’s just say it and get it out of the way. Keep up with your shower and general hygiene regime, so that when an opportunity presents itself, you won’t say No because you’re simply unwashed. We know, we know, it’s kind of rude of us to assume that this would even be a stopper for some, but if we’re being completely real – some people do tend to put taking care of their bodies on a backburner, so reviewing that would help them feel more relaxed and inclined to spontaneous hookups. 

#7 Lay the groundwork

Sexing up your life a little will do wonders for your spontaneous sex prospects. Open up the dating chat that you’ve had since you started dating online, and start flirting and sexting away. This is great for any couple, but especially if you’ve been seeing each other for a while and you both live busy lives, so sex is not always at the top of your priority list. Think of it as your own take on the Inception movie. Share a dirty comment here, send a racy photo there, and you’ll instill the idea in your partner’s subconscious. Plus, you’ll have a lot of fun in the meantime!

#8 Two times a charm

A spontaneous sex drive doesn’t have to be solely about having sex out of the blue in random spots. If you’re an adult in your late twenties and older, and if you’ve been in a relationship for over a couple of months, it’s very possible that when you have sex, it’s only one time per night. So why don’t you break the pattern and remember how it all started? We bet you didn’t leave the bedroom for hours at first, so maybe we can bring back a bit of that spirit. Once you’re done with the first round, don’t give up for the night, but rather take a break, share a glass of wine, chat, maybe even nap a bit, and then surprise your partner with a second take. This will make you feel younger and definitely help make that night more memorable. 

#9 Improve your work-life balance

We don’t know your personal situation, but if you’re an average adult working to support your lifestyle, then chances are you’re working too much and stressing about work in your free time too. This can’t be good for your health, relationships, or sex life. It’s hard to have spontaneous sex and thoroughly enjoy it if you’re unable to fully switch off and relax. Start prioritizing your personal life over your career, and you’ll have more energy and desire to be intimate with your partner. 

Bottom line 

Spontaneous sex has many incredible benefits, such as boosting self-esteem, bringing excitement back into your life, helping you feel closer to your partner, and also freer, and it can ultimately bring your sex drive out of hibernation. 

As you try and have more spontaneous sex, you’ll notice how your communication with the partner improves, and how more intimate you are with each other, not only physically, but also emotionally. 

Spontaneous sex can be great, and with just a little bit of effort, you’ll be able to enjoy more of it. However, don’t discount traditional, planned sex as something you can’t have anymore. Both have the time and place and can coexist peacefully.  

As you’re attempting to bring more spontaneity into your life, watch out for your partner’s wishes and respect their boundaries to keep the sex enjoyable for all parties involved. With time, you’ll be able to spot more spontaneous sex opportunities more easily, and it will change the course of your sexual life for the better.