Spotting the Slow Fade: Signs, Causes, and How to Deal with It?
What is the slow fade in dating?
What is the slow fade meaning, you may ask. This is a tactic or a strategy where one of the partners starts to slowly fade away from your romance. They’re not literally fading in front of you like in horror movies, but rather launch an operation of very careful and quiet disappearance from your life.
Unlike slow dating, where the couple is taking their time with every relationship stage and leaving enough space for them to be individuals with their own lives, slow fading isn’t healthy, and it’s ultimately leading to a breakup.
First, they call you every other day and you meet once or twice a week. Then their calls become texts, and not very frequent ones either. Eventually, you see them once a month at best, and then even that becomes a fading memory.
How is slow fading different from ghosting?
At first, it’s hard to distinguish slow fade in relationships from good old ghosting, but there is an important difference.
Ghosting partners don’t waste their time trying to be subtle. Instead, they disappear once and for all. Very dramatic, very efficient. The victim is always left shocked and surprised, as the ghoster rarely leaves any hints that they can do such a thing.
Slow fading lovers resort to a completely different methodology. They take a really long time to remove themselves from their victim’s life.
Slow fading involves gradual disengagement, whereas ghosting is instant – one minute they’re here, and then, Puff! They’re gone forever.
Common signs of the slow fade
You can spot slow fade dating tricks if you pay attention. Here are the common signs that you’re being slow faded:
- It’s taking them longer to reply to your texts.
- Your calls are often left unanswered.
- You see each other less often than you used to.
- Plans get canceled more often and also at the last minute.
- They’re not engaged in conversations like they used to be.
- Their body language changes, for example, they avoid direct eye contact or become less touchy than they used to be.
- Your conversations are now more shallow.
- They don’t seem excited or happy to see you when you meet, lukewarm at best.
- Initiative and planning are exclusively your job, they’re not doing anything.
- They’re not ready to commit to any plans that are a few weeks or months away.
Overall, changes in their patterns and behaviors can be an indicator of slow fading.
It’s not guaranteed though that if you see those signs your partner is slow fading you. They may have other reasons to act this way. They can be burnt out at work, struggling with mental health, dealing with some traumatic event you’re not aware of, not feeling well physically, or also blatantly cheating on you without the intention of breaking up.
If you suspect something, trust your intuition but also don’t get into your head too much. Your best bet is to gently address the situation and take it from there.
Emotional impact of the slow fade
It’s generally not nice when someone is slow fading you. Here are the common emotional consequences of this dating tactic.
- Confusion and uncertainty
- Feeling unimportant or ignored
- Relationship-related anxiety
- Self-doubt and lower self-esteem
- Constant sadness
- Resentment and bitterness
- Disappointment and loss of trust in love
How to handle the slow fade
If you’re facing this situation and wondering how to respond to a slow fade, here is what we can recommend.
Step 1: Identifying the signs early
Don’t be in denial about the weird dynamics that you see. If something feels new and odd, spot it and make a mental note. Keeping a record of what they’re doing differently or not doing anymore will help you make an informed decision about your relationship later on.
Step 2: Evaluate how slow fading makes you feel
Sometimes slow fading hurts because we love the person and want to be with them. And sometimes it’s our ego that’s suffering, but we don’t really care as much. Depending on what causes your distress, the conversation in Step 3 will go one way or the other.
Step 3: Have an open and honest conversation
Whatever you decide, think, and feel, having a deep talk about the situation is essential to moving on. Try not to confront them aggressively about the new behavior, but rather get to the root cause of why they’re doing it.
- Do they want to break up but don’t have the guts to do it?
- Are they not as attracted to you as they used to be?
- Maybe they’re seeing someone else or have fallen in love with a new person?
Your fading partner might say that you’re making this up and everything’s normal. Try not to cave and insist on sorting this out, especially if you want to keep this relationship going.
Tip: ****** We don’t recommend staying if they don’t really want you. One-sided relationships are painful and detrimental to your self-esteem. It can hurt in the moment, but you’ll be much better off free from them than trying to fix something that is broken once and for all.
Step 4: Moving on and setting boundaries
If you’re also not very interested in pursuing this romance, or if the slow fader doesn’t leave this as an option, all that is left to do is say Goodbye and leave.
If someone’s been slow fading you, there are probably some feelings left on your end. In that case, going no-contact, at least temporarily, is your best bet. If you choose to stay in touch, make sure to talk through essential relationship boundaries to keep everyone’s feelings from being hurt.
Why People Resort to the Slow Fade
Slow fade relationships are hurtful to the person who’s being left behind. But is the slow fader always malicious? Not necessarily! Let’s look at the main reasons why someone might slow-fade you from their life.
Fear of Confrontation
Very few people actually enjoy fighting and arguing with their partners. And if you’ve already decided that you don’t want to be with someone, having to deal with their emotions can feel like a horrible burden. So instead of acting like an adult and not wasting anyone’s time, they resort to slow fading. They see it as the lesser evil, as this gradual disappearance shouldn’t hurt their soon-to-be-ex partner so much. Or so they think.
They’re trying to spare your feelings
The slow fading initiator might do it thinking they’re sparing their partner’s feelings by slowly moving away from them. In reality, of course, they’re doing the opposite. Yet, they don’t know any better and genuinely think they’re doing something good.
Lack of emotional maturity
Being emotionally immature is a common reason why people do many nasty things, including ghosting and slow fade dating. They don’t want to feel uncomfortable by having to break up with someone, so they do slow fading instead, possibly also hoping that the other partner will see that something isn’t right and break up with them first.
You’re their second choice
It’s possible that they’re slowly fading away from you as you’re not their primary dating choice. First, they hang out with you and go on dates as they’re not very hopeful about the other person. At some point, when their primary date becomes available and interested in them, they start slowly dropping you, step by step. This allows them to spend more time and energy on their first choice while still keeping you close in case the other option falls off.
They’re testing your feelings and interest
It’s weird and twisted but some people really choose slow fade as their method of testing out their partner’s feelings. Maybe they’re not sure that you like them as much as they do you. And before they take the next step and plan the future together, they want to get some sort of confirmation from you, and slow fading is how they’re trying to achieve it.
Tip: If you catch your partner doing that, don’t be fooled – this is a major red flag. Manipulation is not a good basis for a healthy relationship, and you’ll need to address and work out this issue. If they’re willing to gaslight you like this to get proof of your feelings, what else are they capable of?
How to avoid the slow fade in your relationships
If you’re trying to date more mindfully, you need to avoid slow fade scenarios. They’re not cute, not mindful, and not at all demure.
Here is what you can do to stay clear from slow fading:
- Recognize your worth and the worth of your partner.
- Practice regular self-care rituals and encourage your partner to do the same.
- Keep the communication and your intentions clear.
- Be respectful and transparent, even if the other person is really testing your patience.
- Have relationship boundaries in place and aim to have them respected by both parties.
- Watch out for early signs of slow fading and point them out.
Do guys come back after the slow fade?
Sometimes slow faders make it back to your life for all sorts of reasons. Maybe they’re bored, lonely, craving attention, or maybe they’ve realized that they’ve made a huge mistake. The latter reason is something many of us would like to believe but it’s the least common one, realistically speaking.
The real question is not whether boys and girls come back after they’ve slow faded into thin air, but rather – should you accept them back?
With such a wide range of potential perfect matches out there and the new era of online dating, there is no reason why you should be forgiving and letting someone back into your life after they’ve disrespected you like that.
Of course, only you know what’s best for your love life, and there are situations where people make up and build lasting and loving relationships. It’s not always black and white.
Still, we’re highly encouraging you to think twice before welcoming someone back with open arms. If that’s possible, go to couples therapy or talk to someone else you can trust who can guide you in the right direction.
Final thoughts
Slow fade is hurtful, whether it’s intentional or not. Only you know how to deal with the slow fade in dating in your specific situation, but we encourage you to address the elephant in the room as soon as you notice it. Staying with someone who treats you like that is a disservice to yourself.
