Should You Try Slow Dating?

What is slow dating?

The term slow dating is rather self-explanatory. It means literally taking things slow and getting to know each other on a deeper level before taking the next steps, such as having sex, going exclusive, meeting parents, moving in, etc. In the modern world slow dating also implies dating online for a while before meeting in real life. 

What goes into slow dating?

There are many signs and signature traits of slow dating. Here are the most common ones:

• You’re not rushing to find “the one”.
• You feel absolutely fine if you’re not seeing anyone or going on dates.
• You only meet people after you’ve had extensive conversations with them in the dating chat or over the phone. 
• You wait for weeks and months before moving to the next stages of the relationship. 
• Dates are less frequent, allowing both of you to maintain your own lives and hobbies, and also to have the chance to process your feelings towards each other. 
• Your emotions are not the sole driver of romantic decision-making, but rather you’re using your analytical skills and thinking about the way the person makes you feel, treats you, if your values align, and how your lifestyles match. 
• Intimacy is slow progress, and you’re ensuring there is strong emotional intimacy in place before moving on to physical intimacy, such as foreplay and sex, but also kissing and hugging. 
• There is a focus on communication. Both people are open and honest about their goals, plans, and feelings. 
• Relationship boundaries are introduced into the mix and are respected by both lovers. 
• There’s no rush to label your relationship. And not in a toxic situationship kind of way, but to allow you to make up your mind and evolve into the partnership without the pressure of external expectations. 
• You’re both present in the moment. The future is important, just like the past, but you’re both focusing on the current moment and how you feel right now.  

Why do so many people go for slow dating these days? Main benefits

Slow dating falls under the mindful dating umbrella where people aren’t using dating apps to find random hookups, but rather look for a perfect match. They’re after a genuine emotional bond and a healthy relationship that would make both people’s lives better and more fulfilled.

As a lot of us are growing tired of meaningless dating, the Once team included, the concept of slow dating becomes more attractive. And it pays off too! Anyone taking on slow dating can expect the following benefits. 

#1 You’re more likely to make the right decision and end up with the love of your life 

Rushing generally doesn’t help us get to the desired result. In dating specifically, we often get excited about the new person and start fantasizing about our future life together, projecting our perception of them rather than seeing them for who they are. If you’re giving your relationship more time and moving at a slower pace, you not only get to spot pink flags and mismatches in values, but you also get to observe the other person in different situations and test your feelings about them. You’d be surprised how often people are confusing genuine love with a fling or being horny and attracted to someone’s physicality. 

#2 You filter out the weirdos, the creeps, and the narcissists

It’s not a 100% cure, but a big chunk of wrongdoers will be put off by your slow dating game. Some will want to use and abuse you sooner, and seeing that it’s unattainable will make them disappear. The patient ones will likely show their true colors because it’s hard to play pretend for a long period of time. 

#3 You reduce the stress associated with dating

You’re far less likely to have anxiety and be stressed about your dating life if you’re not in a rush. There’s a lot of pressure these days to go-go-go. You meet for drinks tonight, click, set up the next date, meet again, have sex, become a couple, etc. All these steps can happen within weeks, and it’s been normalized in our society that we’re not waiting for anyone or anything. And the pressure to find “the one” and be successful across all boards, including the love life, is immense too. With slow dating, you’re taking back control over your romances and operating on your own timeline.  

Slow dating vs slow burn

Slow dating and slow burn are similar in the sense that they describe a slow-paced relationship development, but they have different starting points. With slow dating, the romantic intention is clear from the beginning. With slow burn, people often start as acquaintances and friends, and their romantic feelings develop almost unexpectedly. 

Slow dating vs slow fade

Slow dating and slow fading are opposite concepts. With slow dating, the couple slowly grows on each other and their partnership becomes stronger and stronger. Slow fading, in turn, describes a decline in the romance that happens without any particular reason or issues, such as cheating or abuse. People simply start talking to and seeing each other less and less, resulting in the eventual breakup. 

How to take things slow when dating

If you feel like you’re ready to start with slow dating, but are not sure how to ace it, our tips are just for you! 

First of all, don’t rush to “match” with someone. Take the time to study their dating profile bio, and see what they write about themselves and how they phrase it. Check out all their photos too. Don’t scrutinize them to the point of obsession, but have a closer look to see if something feels off. We shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but we can say a lot about the person by the photos they chose to display on the dating website or app. 

As you start making the first steps, communicate your boundaries with the other person. Not everyone will be ready and willing to take the slow dating pace, so it’s important to clear the air and establish rules from the start.

Next, think about the things you do. Allow the time to have silly moments and be goofy, but make sure you guys spend quality time together so that you can learn about each other’s personalities and grow closer. Go on long walks, explore new hobbies, visit places where you can talk and share experiences. 

Another aspect of slow dating is maintaining one’s independence. With traditional relationships, people can get immersed into one another, and sort of lose themselves in the other person. Slow dating helps avoid that to an extent, but there’s still a risk of focusing too much on your partner’s life and interests. 

Last but not least, don’t get too hung up on slow dating. Yes, the concept is great and allows you to be more mindful about of romantic partners. However, if you meet someone extremely special, and you’re sure it’s not just hormones in you speaking, then we’d say go with the flow and don’t intentionally slow things down. Again, it’s hard to tell if you make the right decision in a rush, but more often than not our gut feeling will signal when it’s the person who’s made for us. 

In general too, don’t let any dating strategy, format, or trend dictate how you live your life and how you date. They’re all here to help you date better, but only you know your situation after all.