Sexual Needs And How To Meet Them 

What are sexual needs?

The term sexual needs encompasses a combination of physical, emotional, and psychological requirements(=needs) related to sex life. Sexual needs are highly individual and can shift and change as time goes on or the circumstances of someone’s life change. 

Examples of sexual needs in a relationship

• Release of sexual tension through an orgasm
• Physical touch and intimacy
• Emotional intimacy, feeling close to the partner 
• Validation for a confidence boost
• Self-expression through sex 
• Exploration of aspects of sexuality and trying new things

Are sexual needs important?

Sexual needs are absolutely important in a romance. Having discrepancies between what you and your perfect match view as a satisfactory sexual relationship can result in tension, fights, and even breakups. 

Sex in a relationship serves as a powerful way to strengthen your emotional bond and allows for quite unique ways to explore each other and have some alone time. If this intimate time is unsettling to one or both of you, it is only a matter of time until it takes a toll on the relationship. Having both of your sexual needs met, in turn, brings you closer, makes small issues less dramatic and worthy of fighting over, and strengthens your union.  

When your partner ignores your sexual needs

If you’re in a situation where your partner doesn’t really care whether your sexual needs are met or not, this can cause frustration and other negative emotions towards them. 

The very first thing you should do is have an honest conversation with them. Even healthy relationships struggle with sexual compatibility, so don’t think that your struggles mean that you’re not made for each other. If you’re too shy to approach them in person (which we recommend), try texting them in a dating chat and see how they react. If you feel like the other person is not getting what you’re trying to say, move the conversation offline. 

When you start talking about sex and your needs, make sure to refrain from the accusatory tone. Nobody likes to feel attacked, especially when such a sensitive topic is being discussed. So, no matter how frustrated you are, be patient and take your time before responding with something snappy. 

The main goals of your deep talk about sex are:

1. Communicate clearly what is it that’s missing for you
2. Find out how to have your needs met while not forcing the partner

It’s possible that you two have just gotten used to your relationship so much that the focus has shifted from sex to something else. A little reminder will do the trick and get you back on track. It’s also possible that one or both of you aren’t feeling that loved and cared for, so changing that will positively affect your sex life too. Think about your preferred love languages, for example. What is the best way to care for them and be cared for yourself? Make a conscious effort to get closer to each other and restore emotional intimacy. 

You’ll have much better chances of having your sexual needs met with a strong emotional bond than without it, trust the Once team on that one. 

If you’re not up for a conversation but still want things to change, then come up with a set of actions to change the mood of your partner:

1. Show your love and affection in new ways, such as acts of service 
2. Work on traits in yourself that irritate them 
3. Get them a cool and meaningful gift that will feel special 
4. Book a romantic getaway and focus solely on your romance

Sidenote: As you do all those things, don’t treat them like a maths problem. The partner won’t owe you anything just because you’ve done something for them. Expecting this would be a manipulation. 

Can your sexual needs be met in a long-term relationship? 

It’s pretty much universally accepted that the longer you are together with someone, the worse your sexual relationship is going to be. Unfortunately, it is true in many cases, but most of the time it’s in our power to turn things around. 

Whenever you feel like your sexual needs are not being met, you need to work on the situation. Ask your partner to try new things, such as new positions or sex toys, or book a romantic trip for the two of you. A little change of scenery comes a long day, especially if you’ve been more or less conservative with your sex life up until now. 

Also, and it might sound like the cheesiest cliche you’ve ever heard in your entire life, but you need to remember why you started dating and why you’ve fallen in love, to begin with. When we think about sex, often we imagine the very act and maybe 5-10 minutes that lead up to it, when in fact sexual desire and intimacy start from the moment you wake up every day. How you greet your partner, how you talk to them throughout the day, do you ignore them when they ask you to do chores or not, all those little details form the way someone feels about you sexually. 

So yes, there’s no way around it, you need to be in love with the partner and actively appreciate them to be sexually satisfied. And we’re not talking about deceiving them. If you honestly adore them, and they adore you, there’s no way your sexual life will be bad, at least not in the long run. 

Lastly, it’s worth remembering that our lives go through phases. If you’ve only been dissatisfied for a few weeks, it definitely isn’t great, but this very well may be a result of stress at work, poor physical health, or other external factors that make your lover not want to bring their A-game to the bedroom. If that’s the case, be a supportive partner, help them cope, and you’ll get out of the sexual rut in no time. 

Is once a week enough?

There’s been countless research that concluded that couples having sex once a week is an optimal frequency. If you’re both adults with busy lives, having more sex every week can be problematic. If you get tired or have a thousand things to worry about at the end of the day, this is not setting the mood you might want. That’s why once a week seems like a perfect timeline for mindful dating and romance. You keep up with intimacy, and enjoy each other’s company, but also don’t feel like you’re ticking the boxes on the to-do list. Speaking of which, instead of thinking about how often is often enough, dedicate all your attention to the experience itself when it’s happening. The quality of your sex life is not about numbers, but the pleasure that you get whilst doing it. 

Also, don’t compare yourself to the national average. If you and your partner are highly sexual, you can have sex multiple times a week. Yet, if you’re both okay with having it every other week and even less and especially if you’re slow dating right now, – that’s fine too! There’s an entire demographic that’s dating online, and for them, having traditional sex is completely out of the question, but it doesn’t make their relationship any less real. 

The key is to check in with each other sometimes to make sure you’re both still enjoying the dynamic.