Sexting Is Not For the Weak: Mastering The Art of Erotic Messaging 

If you’ve never tried sexting, the Once team urges you to give it a go! It’s fun and exciting and brings some spice to our busy and often mundane days. But before you start to sext away, make sure to check our guide on modern sexting. You’ll find out the dos, don’ts, and helpful tips with examples, and will be able to make the most of this hot activity.  

What is sexting?

The definition of sexting is simply sexual texting. It’s all about explicit and erotic messages that are intended to flirt and arouse the partners. Sexting can come (no pun intended) in the form of explicit language, photos, videos, and audio recordings. It can be soft and gentle or hardcore, depending on your mood and who you’re sexting with. 

People engage in sexting just for fun or as an addition to masturbating. Sexting is rather widespread, and many adults do it at least occasionally.  

Is sexting good?

Just like any sexual activity, sexting can be considered good or bad, depending on other factors. For example, sexting with a minor is absolutely bad and illegal. Also, pushing someone to sext with you against their will makes sexting bad. 

However, if both adults give their full consent to sexting, and engage in it privately, securely, and respectfully, then this spicey dating chat can be beautiful and pleasant. It’s also a good middle ground between flirting and actual sex. If you’re both not ready to get physical yet, but are horny for each other, sexting will fill the gap and keep your needs met for a while.

Can sexting cause addiction?

Sexting is not known for causing as much addiction as porn, but it can definitely turn into an unhealthy obsession if the person develops a dependence on racy texts to turn them on. If you’re worried about turning into a sexting addict, stop doing it for a month or two. Alternatively, try to reduce sexting and increase real-life intimacy gradually. If you still struggle, talk to a therapist. 

Sexting in relationship

Sexting is something that anyone can do. You can sext in anonymous chats with strangers, and you can (and, arguably, should) sext with your partner or spouse. 

Part of mindful dating and long-term relationships is keeping the spark alive. Sexting is a great way to do that. Sending spicy texts to each other during work hours, or when you’re away on a trip is a powerful instrument to maintain and strengthen emotional intimacy. 

It’s a safe space to explore your fantasies and new scenarios which can later be implemented in the bedroom. 

Is sexting cheating?

If you’re sexting someone who’s not your partner, and you did not agree to have non-monogamous relationships, then sexting is definitely cheating. 

Yes, you’re not actually doing it with other people, but you’re fantasizing about them, getting horny, and imagining doing it. You’re cheating emotionally, and, in a way, physically too, especially if you’re masturbating off the sexts you get. 

Sexting is often a stop on the way to the final destination – physical infidelity. So you can try to convince yourself that sexting is nothing, but we bet you won’t be happy if you catch your partner doing it, right? 

If you want to be super clear about sexting, talk to your lover. Understand each other’s general boundaries in relationships, and discuss sexting in particular. Make sure you phrase this conversation carefully, so as to not upset your partner from the start.  

Sexting rules

Rules may seem like a buzzkill at first, but they’re actually very useful and ensure everyone involved in sexting has only good emotions from this endeavor. 

Here are the basic rules for the sexting element of dating online: 

1. Ensure active consent by all participants.
2. Only sext with legal adults. 
3. Stay respectful, even when you’re throwing spicy insults and stuff. 
4. Protect the privacy of your partners. Don’t screenshot and share your messages. 

Basically, make sure everyone involved in sexting are adults and they’re enthusiastic about sexting and are comfortable with doing it with you. 

Sexting tips

Sexting is erotic and fun, but if the idea of starting a horny chat scares you, use our tips on how to start texting and have the best experience of your life. 

• Start slow. Just like with slow dating, you wouldn’t want to jump right into the business and talk about genitals when the conversation is only starting. 
• Treat sexting as a foreplay. If it leads to something more – great, if not you’ll have a good time anyway. Anticipation and excitement about future physical intimacy is a major turn-on. 
• Sexting to bring you closer when in long-distance relationships. If you experience physical separation from your partner, exchanging a few hot lines of text back and forth can help you power through being away. 
• Protect yourself from potential revenge porn. Unfortunately, some people lack integrity and they will share their ex-wife’s, husband’s, or partner’s dirty texts, videos, and images. Revenge porn is one of the major dangers of sexting, and you can’t really be protected from it 100%. The best thing you can do is to avoid showing your face and other identifiable body parts. Also, consider using messengers that block screenshots, forwards, and downloads. There are still ways around it, but you’ll be safer than without the precautions. 

Sexting ideas and examples

Getting frisky over texts is fun, but if you struggle with ideas on how to launch into this erotic journey, here are a couple of examples and ideas for you. 

For starters, make sure the person is alone and down to sext. You can straight up ask them “Are you down to sext?” or “How do you feel about sexting right now?”. This way, you’ll kill two birds with one stone. You’ll get their consent and you’ll ensure they’re ready to do it now, so it won’t be awkward when you start sending nudes, and then it turns out they’re on family dinner with their grandparents. 

Once you’ve started the process, here are more things to say and share:

• Describe how thinking of them makes you feel (hot, wet, turned on).
• Come up with scenarios (fantasies) of what you both are doing and send them a short text.
• Take teaser photos and send them. Picture your naked body but with the dimmed light, so you can’t really see it. Or take a close-up of your body with juicy parts peeking out. 
• Tell them what you imagine they’ll do to you and where it’s going to happen. 

Here are some more sexting examples for different scenarios:

• I can’t stop thinking about you and what I want to do with you. 
• All I need right now is for you to touch me. 
• Wish you were here, I’m so horny for you. 
• I’ve been thinking about doing XYZ with you, here is how I’d start.. 
• Lately, I’ve been dreaming about you doing this and that to me. 
• What are your dirty fantasies? Tell me! 
• I’m in bed now, all alone and naked. What should I do? 
• I can’t stop thinking about your beautiful body, I wish I could kiss it right now. 
• Can’t wait to show you my new outfit (and optionally attach an explicit photo).
• Focusing on work is impossible, all I can think about is you and the things I’d do to you. 
• I miss feeling your hands on me. 
• How about we play a dirty truth or dare right now? 

If you’re not into sexting

Sometimes we’re just not down to sexting. Or maybe it’s not our thing at all. 

That’s okay and totally valid. If your partner is asking you to sext or starts sending you spicy messages, just be honest with them and say that it’s not for you. It can seem harsh, especially when you don’t see each other, so you can sweeten the pill by saying that you’ll make it up to them tenfold once you two are alone together. Explain that you can’t wait to do unspeakable things to your lover, but you’re not a huge fan of digital sex. They’ll probably still be upset about it, but they’ll understand.  

Ps – don’t worry if your perfect match is not on the same sexting page with you. There are plenty of other dirty things you can do to each other. Plus, they might change their mind about sexting later. Just plant this idea in their heads, and let them think about this concept.