Sex On First Date: Thoughts, Tips, Pros and Cons
Why is sex on a first date so scandalous?
First-date sex is kind of controversial. If you listen to people with conservative upbringings, you’d think it’s a grave sin. But even the liberal-minded part of the population is on the fence about whether sex on a first date is appropriate or not.
Why is that?
For starters, the US is a very religious country, and all major religions have thoughts on premarital sex and promiscuity in general. The idea of having sexual interaction prior to becoming husband and wife does not shock most people these days, however, first-date sex still does, which is a direct result of the culture and societal norms that we’ve developed.
Sex has been put on this pedestal as this ultimate gift that the couple can give each other. It was branded as something special, something that only the worthy long-term partner can and should get from you.
And for centuries, sex was used to shame and control women. If you’ve had sex as a single girl, you’d be called all sorts of names. Sex on the first date, ever since dating became allowed for women, continued to be a source of manipulation.
If you slept with a guy on the first day, he was surely using you, and you’re not a girlfriend or wifey material. Sounds familiar? If you’re female, that’s something you’ve probably heard many times growing up, and it’s been widely supported by society and pop culture.
As times are changing, and all sexes and genders can live more freely and express their preferences openly, sex on the first date is slowly becoming less of a scandal. Still, we still have a long way to go before we can destigmatize first-date sex as a society.
Pros of sex on first date
First, let’s look at some of the good sides of having sex on the first date.
- You get to confirm sexual compatibility early on. Sex has different importance for different people. While emotional intimacy and sharing values are the keys to healthy relationships, if someone loves sex and it’s a big part of their life, they need to be sure their date is a perfect match on that front too. Ideally, you’d want to find out before you start to fall in love and become miserable as a result.
- Sex can bring you closer faster. If you’re not a big believer in slow dating, then first-date sex can accelerate emotional (and physical, obvi) intimacy between you two.
- There’s less pressure on the relationship. When adults start dating online and offline, there is always that element of the game where you tiptoe around the subject of sex. If you just have it right away, there’s no need to pretend or act a certain way. You can relax and express yourself more freely.
- Sex is fine and pleasant. Lastly, having sex on the first date is called many things, but we rarely consider just how exciting and beautiful it can be to meet a new person, explore their body, have pleasure, and, hopefully, orgasms from this new experience.
Cons of sex on first date
Sex on the first date is not all fun and games, there are cons that we should be aware of.
- Emotional attachment to the wrong person. Whether we like it or not, having sex with someone brings us closer to them. There is a risk that you can develop feelings for your one-night stand, and fall into the situationship trap or be ghosted by them.
- Misunderstanding of the future course of the relationship. While we disagree that having sex on the first date means you’re not serious about the person, many still think so. And unless you’ve discussed it with your date, there may be serious miscommunication about whether you’re now dating, if you’re exclusive or not, etc.
- Risk of judgment and stigmatization. Another aspect that we disagree with but needs to be acknowledged is the risk of stigma and gossip that can result from first-date sex. This will depend greatly on your social circle, of course.
- Health risks. Sex can be risky with anyone, but it’s a greater concern if you’re sleeping with someone you know nothing about. Unprotected sex or any sex, for that matter, can lead to STIs and other nasty issues.
- Safety. Last but not least, the stranger-danger problem. Going to a stranger’s home or bringing them to your place for sex can be risky. The person might be a maniac for all we know. That’s why, ideally, you’d need to learn something about them and spend some time together over dinner or at least talk in the online dating chat to have a feel for their vibe.
How to prepare for sex on first date
First of all, if you feel like you’re not prepared for sex on the first date, maybe hold it off for now.
Before you engage in any sexual activities with your dates, take the time to think about whether it’s really for you. Some people are more prone to developing attachment after sex and they’re better off with a slower mindful dating approach. Others treat it more casually and enjoy occasional hookups. If you feel like sleeping with a stranger is uncomfortable and scary, definitely don’t force yourself to do it.
Next, think about protection. Condoms, birth control, dental dams, – those are all options you can explore and bring with you for the date. Don’t rely on the other person to have everything on hand, come prepared!
Finally, tell someone that you’re going on a date. Share your location with a friend, and text the date’s personal details to them too. Better safe than sorry!
What to remember before having sex on first date
If you’re going on a first date soon, and you think it might result in sex – great! We wish you luck, and hope you’ll have lots of fun! Here are the final words of wisdom from us.
- Remember that you can ALWAYS change your mind. Yes, even if you’re already in their apartment and undressed. If something feels off, just stop and go.
- Voice your boundaries. It’s absolutely normal to say what’s okay and what’s not for you. If you’re not into anal sex, there’s no reason why you should conform to doing it.
- Dive into first-date sex open-minded. Maybe sex will be passionate and amazing, maybe it will be awkward and bad. Also, the person you’re with might be doing things differently than you’re used to. It’s not necessarily a red flag, could just be what they know. Lead your partner and tell them what you like or want them to do, do it kindly, and you’ll have much more fun in the process.
