How to Increase Sex Drive in Your Relationship
For anyone else who wants to ensure their and their lover’s sexual needs are met in a genuine and hot way, keep on reading.
What is sex drive?
Libido and sex drive are essentially the same. Without going into scientific details, the term sex drive refers to one’s desire and will for sexual arousal and activities. For instance, how often you get horny, how much you masturbate, how you respond to sexual stimuli, and your preference in terms of sex frequency.
There are many factors that go into sex drive:
- Biology. We like to separate ourselves from the rest of the planet’s wildlife, but we are mammals, and our sex drive is at least partially guided by hormones and genetics. Hormones like testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone play a role in both male and female libidos. For women, menstrual cycles, pregnancies, and menopause make a difference in sex drive levels too.
- Physical health. It’s hard to be horny and ready to go when you feel like you’ve been run over by a bus. Some enthusiasts may use sex as a remedy, but mostly it’s not realistic to assume your partner will be sexually aroused and ready for your hot dates when they’re seriously sick.
- Mental health. Stress, anxiety, insecurities, depression, low self-esteem – all those things make us less than likely to want to explore the wonderful world of sex.
- Cultural norms. We are influenced by cultural norms and other social factors more than we’d like to admit. If you’re part of a hard-core religious community where they believe that sex should always result in a baby and lust is ungodly, then you’re not likely to feel comfortable and free to explore your sexual fantasies and any time you get aroused will be associated with guilt. Not hot!
Is sex drive different for women and men?
Sex drive can be different between men and women, just like it can be different for two men or a group of women. It’s a very individual thing, and like we’ve mentioned above, a lot goes into the libido levels that an individual has.
There is a stereotypical cultural understanding that men have a higher sex drive than women, and that’s why they seek sex more. It’s not always true. While yes, many men find themselves ready to go on a daily basis, a lot of women report that a couple of times a week is more than enough for them.
The way our society functions has a role in the sex drives of both sexes. For men, they’re pretty much programmed by the patriarchy to desire sex all the time, anywhere they are. It’s often considered weird if a man is not sexually active or fails to pursue women for sex because it makes them “unmanly”. This toxic pattern is slowly dissolving with Millenials and Gen Z, but we still have a long way to go.
As for women, the constant guilt-tripping and nagging about sex doesn’t exactly help arouse them, yet this is what we see happen time and time again. And in general, we should try harder, as a society, to treat women with respect and create a safe space where they’ll feel comfortable exploring and expressing their sexuality.
High sex drive
High sex drive does not follow a mathematical formula, but here are the signs of a person having high libido:
- You’re thinking about having sex daily.
- Sex is a high priority in your personal life.
- You’re regularly aroused around your partner.
- You’re mostly up for sex if your lover approaches you.
- Masturbation is a regular occurrence.
Low sex drive
Here are the symptoms of low sex drive:
- You rarely want to have sex.
- Sex happens only if your partner approaches you.
- You’re not interested in masturbation.
- Thinking of sex stressing you out.
What if your sex drive doesn't match your partner's?
In a perfect world, we would all be sexually compatible with our lovers. Sometimes it’s simply not the case though. If you and your partner have a different idea of what’s good in the bedroom and how often you should be doing “it”, then you’ll possibly end up fighting and resenting one another.
There are ways to avoid that:
- Remember that sex drive is not set in stone. As we move through life, so does our libido. Naturally, if you’re under immense stress at work because of an important project, your sex drive is likely to go down. And when you’re feeling great, money is not stressing you out, and you’re living a well-balanced and happy life, then it can go back up again. So if you’re struggling right now, don’t be discouraged, this period will pass.
- Get to the root cause. ** You can’t fix what you don’t understand. If you’re the one with low libido, take the time to think why that is and if you even want to do something about it at the moment or postpone this until you’re less stressed or feel better. If the issue lies with your partner, address them carefully, without blame or name-calling. Have a calm conversation about your situation and take it from there.
- Take some of the load off your partner. There are little things you can do to make your perfect match feel better and more excited about having an active sexual life. For example, if they’re burdened with a disproportionate amount of house chores, you can pick up on some of them. Same if you have kids – make sure you’re both taking care of them and not just one person. Sometimes no action is needed at all, but rather your attentive presence. Hear them out, show moral support, but be sincere! Don’t attempt to pretend to care about their problems just to get in bed with them. This never ends well in the long run.
- Try slow dating. We know what you’re thinking – how exactly is slow dating going to increase sex drive? Remember the first days and weeks when you’ve only started dating online? Excitement was through the roof all the time, right? The secret here was not just the new feelings and emotions, but also the fact that you probably didn’t see each other that much. And when you finally did, you couldn’t keep it in your pants. The same can be engineered for relationships across all stages. Leave some room between your dates, and spend more time doing your thing if you live together. Give yourselves a chance to miss each other. Plus, dedicating more time to hobbies, careers, friends, and other interests will only make you both more interesting and hot in the eyes of your partner.
- Make a lifestyle change. Sometimes we don’t need to overthink it, and simply getting up from the sofa more often to go on walks, trying different sports, and changing up your diet does wonders for the sex drive. If you or your partner are avid smokers, drinkers, or, God forbid, substance abusers, do your best to cut them out of your life and see what happens.
Foreplay begins when you wake up
Before we sign off, we want to make an important public announcement: foreplay does really start from the moment you wake up and the first conversation you two have.
Whatever you send them in the dating chat or say in person will influence their sexy mood. You can’t possibly treat a person horribly all day long, and then expect them to welcome you with open arms just because you brought flowers or complimented their look.
Sure, sometimes it does work and you end up having sex. However, we promise you that you miss out on much more passion and chemistry if you act like a terrible person for the most part of your relationship.
In general, the Once team doesn’t support toxic relationships, so be nice to your partner! But do so sincerely. Follow mindful dating principles, like being open and honest with them, treating them with respect, and working to build a healthy relationship. This takes effort, but that’s the best kind of work you can do because you’re the direct beneficiary of its results. If you want a passionate and strong relationship with a steaming hot sex life, you’ll need to do a bit of work to achieve that.
