Rebound Sex: Yes, No, Maybe?
What is rebound sex?
Rebound sex is sex with someone new shortly after you broke up your relationship. What differentiates rebound sex from regular intercourse is the fact that you’re still somewhat mourning your past romance. There are still feelings for your ex, whether it’s love, anger, or frustration. The rebound sex partner is then “used” to get over the heartbreak and to fill the void you now have as a newly single.
Why do people have rebound sex?
The main reason why someone engages in rebound sex is to get over someone who they believed was their perfect match. But there’s more than that to rebound sex.
Boosting your self-esteem
Breaking up sucks. Regardless of how things ended, you are bound to feel somewhat worse about yourself. Hooking up with someone new helps get back on track, see that you are still wanted, and empower yourself to move on.
Emotion management
Ending a relationship is a lot. You go from having that special person in your life to being single and on your own. Having rebound sex is a way to manage everything that’s brewing inside of you and get that temporary fix of connection and intimacy that you’re missing.
Lighthearted fun
When you date someone for a long time, you get used to this committed, monogamous lifestyle. Once you’re out of the relationship, so many casual bedroom funsies become available all of a sudden! As a newly single person, you can enjoy all the benefits of the no-strings-attracted dating approach and have lots of fun.
Sexual exploration
Sex with someone you know very well and sex with a stranger are very different experiences. And if you’re not a casual sex person, you might be missing out on lots of insightful experiences. In sex, just like anywhere else in life, we tend to get stuck in our old ways. Jumping into the rebound sex world can open up the doors you never knew existed. You can try new positions, new locations, and a whole new attitude towards sex. It’s very liberating! Just don’t forget the safe sex basics, and you’re good to go.
Is rebound sex a good idea? All the positives
Everyone has an opinion on rebound sex, and not all of it is flattering. Still, there are benefits of rebound sex that nobody can deny.
- Sleeping with someone new shifts your energy away from your ex. Unless you’re doing it maliciously to hurt your previous partner, having sex with a new person will give you a bouquet of new emotions and feelings. Can this new adventure potentially hurt you too? Absolutely, just like it can make you feel marvelous. It’s a Russian roulette really.
- You have your sex needs met. Yep, that’s an important point because sex releases good hormones and improves the overall mood. Plus it’s simply fun! Often we don’t realize how much tension and stress we’re in, and how much the lack of sex is responsible for it.
The downsides of rebound sex
Rebound sex is not perfect, and here’s what you can expect on a negative front.
- You might get hurt. Not everyone thinks that rebound sex partners deserve mindful dating treatment. This means you can be ghosted, slut-shamed, or your relationship boundaries might be ignored. So if you ever get involved with someone who acts disrespectfully, end it immediately before they put you in a blue mood.
- STI alert. If you think that everyone is just as diligent about their intimate health as you are, think again. One of the big reasons why slow dating is such a thing is because it gives you enough time to find out whether your potential partner is taking care of themselves or not. With rebound sex, don’t be afraid to ask the uncomfortable question. Trust us, it’s much better to have that kind of discomfort than a literal itching fire between your legs.
Rebound sex tips to have the best experience
In sex, nothing is guaranteed, but when it comes to rebound sexy time, there are certain rules and tips that can help you maximize the pleasure in this experience.
- Understand your own needs before going ahead. Sit down and fantasize about your perfect rebound sex experience. How often is it? Who do you see having such sex with? What’s a no-no for you? Answer all those questions before reaching out to potential sex leads. This will save you time and headaches when sorting through potential candidates.
- Approach someone who’s not looking for a serious relationship. Otherwise, you might be dragged into something you’re not ready for, or end up breaking another person’s heart.
- Establish clear rules from the start. Don’t assume that you see things the same way, especially when you’re having sex with a person you barely know. What’s self-explanatory and obvious to you, will be a complete surprise to them. This becomes extremely critical if you’re planning to sleep with someone you know, such as a friend or a neighbor.
Rebound sex vs rebound relationship
Sex is sex, a relationship is something more complex. With rebound relationships, many of us are filling the void, and/or trying to make our ex jealous. We’re also subconsciously trying to get back to “normal” which means spending time with another human being, sharing your daily life with them, and feeling like you’re not alone.
The issue with rebound romances is that we often rush to find just anyone to take up the boyfriend or girlfriend role, and we end up with people whose red flags are pushed under the rug in an attempt to match reality with a pretty picture in our heads.
It’s not always so bad though, and some people manage to find real diamonds like that and build long-term and healthy partnerships. The opposite is often the case though, especially if you are still in the process of falling out of love and are an emotional mess.
Sometimes people only intend to have rebound sex but end up in a rebound relationship, and sometimes it’s vice versa. The beauty of rebound sex, in comparison with a rebound relationship, is that you have a bit of a distraction, but then you go on with your healing journey and become a stronger and better individual. While the same can be said about a rebound romance too, it often produces extra drama and trauma that you definitely don’t need fresh from a breakup.
Rebound sex vs revenge sex
Rebound sex is about healing your body and soul and transitioning sustainably from your previous relationship into your new life.
Revenge sex has a whole different vibe and motive. It’s usually associated with negative emotions and trying to hurt someone, such as your ex-partner. With revenge sex, you can sleep with their friend or ex-lover to get back at them. Revenge sex creates destructive energy, and it is not good for your soul, even if you get some gratification from knowing that you’ve brought sadness or irritation to your ex.
The sad part about revenge sex is that it ultimately makes everyone upset. You might make your ex jealous and feel like you’re winning, but in reality, you’ll only be tearing your soul apart even further. If you ask the Once team, we’d say it’s not worth it. No matter how hurt you are by your ex, moving on and building a happier and healthier life for yourself is the best revenge, especially if you actually move on and stop looking back at your past.
Where to find rebound sex?
It’s common for people to hook up with someone in their circle, once they’ve broken up with an ex-partner. This can be a colleague, an old fling, or a friend. While this can work, those candidates can backfire majorly too. Obviously, sleeping with someone at work can get very messy, and rekindling old flings or recruiting a friend for some sexy time is a questionable choice as well.
Don’t get us wrong, these scenarios work out for many people indeed, but we’d say it’s better to trust dating online in those matters. Dating chat is perfect for hitting up strangers, getting to know them a little, and making sure they’re onboard for a little fun in the bedroom.
Bottom line
As you’re healing from a relationship, make sure you are not hurting anyone along the way. We all have our sexual needs, and there are plenty of people who’d be up for spontaneous sex that doesn’t have to lead anywhere. As long as you’re being honest about your plans and expectations, rebound sex is a fair play.
If you like to be extra careful, make this mental exercise where you ask yourself “Is that a good idea in the long run?” before sleeping with someone. Instant gratification is all fun and games, but we don’t want you to self-sabotage and cause distress.
Stay safe, and have fun!
