Your Guide to Quality Time in a Relationship
What is quality time in a relationship?
Quality time in a romantic relationship is expressing your affection and love through giving your partner undivided attention, catering to their emotional needs, and doing things together that foster intimate connection.
Examples of spending quality time as a couple
Quality time can look different depending on your relationship, but here are some common examples:
- Having a deep talk with your partner
- Talking about your day and other things in bed before you fall asleep
- Cooking or sharing other chores at home
- Trying a hobby and learning new things together
- Making your partner feel loved through caring about them
The importance of quality time in a relationship
There are several reasons why quality time is crucial for a relationship.
- It helps you understand each other on a deep level.
- You can understand whether you are truly compatible.
- It brings you closer spiritually.
- Your physical intimacy gets better thanks to the emotional bond.
- It makes you more confident in your relationship
Quality vs quantity time in a relationship
More does not equal better. This simple rule applies in all areas of our lives, including the love life. You don’t improve the quality of your hangouts by simply increasing the number of hours you spend together. It doesn’t work like that.
It matters what you do and how you treat each other when you meet. Do you have heart-to-heart or stare at your phones all the time? Do you value each other’s opinions and wishes, or ignore and disrespect them? How about the spaces you’re in? Do they help you experience new things together, or do they prevent you from communicating properly?
And don’t get us wrong, you can have quality time in a nightclub too, for example, if you guys are avid dancers, and you end up dancing the night away together. But you can just as easily have a lame night out where you get drunk, try screaming into each other’s ears, and spend most of the time staring at other people in the venue. Context is important.
Here’s an easy trick to check if your time together is contributing to quality or quantity. Answer this question: Did our hangout help me understand and get closer to my partner?
If the answer is yes, then you’re good. If it’s negative – you’re in the quantity department.
By the way, don’t worry if some of the time you spend with your crush is kind of meaningless and shallow. People waste time every day, and you’re bound to waste time with your partner too. That’s absolutely normal, as long as you do have some quality time as well.
What happens when you don't spend quality time together with your lover
The lack of quality time together will slowly but surely deteriorate your relationship.
- You’ll start growing apart
- It will seem like you have no shared interests or values
- There will be more conflicts
- You’ll feel lonely in your relationship
How to spend quality time in a relationship
We couldn’t leave you hanging after talking so much about quality time for couples! Here are some of the ways you can ensure your time together is meaningful and nurturing.
#1 Look at each other more often
Not in a weird or creepy way, but make sure to maintain eye contact as you’re discussing something. It really adds to the feeling of being seen, and it shows your partner that you’re actually listening to what they’re saying or paying attention to what they’re doing, rather than dismissing or phubbing them.
#2 Remember the less is more principle
You can be together 24/7 but just because you’re in the same space doesn’t mean you’re spending quality time. Don’t feel like you’re forced to see your boyfriend or girlfriend every day if you guys are super busy and can’t really enjoy each other’s company when you hang out from all the stress. Instead, you could go with a somewhat slow dating tactic where you see each other a couple of times per week, maybe even less, but when you do – it’s top-tier interaction. No phones in sight, eyes on each other, experiencing life together, talking about meaningful things, all that.
#3 Pay attention to what they’re saying and follow up with words and actions
Ideally, you’d do this authentically, but we all need a little push and effort every once in a while. If you feel like you could be doing more for your romance, try being extra attentive to your loved one. Watch out for their fears, aspirations, and wishes. Check-in with them about milestones and anything else they stress over, help them make their dreams come to life. You can even surprise them by arranging something from their bucket list that they’ve wanted to do for a long time. Mindful dating is all about quality time together, and the way to achieve it is through active listening and taking action on what you hear.
#4 Ask your partner what their ideal way of spending time together is
If you want to have more quality time together, but quality time is not your primary love language, it can help to ask your partner about it. If they’re the ones who prioritize quality time over everything, they probably have lots of ideas on the subject. This will ensure they’re happy, and you’ll be relieved from the burden of having to come up with things to do or discuss. Try to show initiative too, or the relationship will feel one-sided, but also don’t underestimate the power of asking.
#5 Make plans
Planning is not the sexiest activity, but it is a powerful tool for making your relationship stronger and your bond deeper. Make sure to find the time in your calendars and reserve it for you-time without a chance of replacing it with work or something mundane, like a run to the dry cleaners. It’s very easy to get into a rut, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship and also live together. You’re both exhausted from work, so ordering takeout and watching Netflix for 5 hours before going to bed sounds ideal most of the nights. It can be good for your relationship too, but try making an effort and coming up with different activities to do and locations to go.
#6 Come up with a cute routine
It’s the little things that count. Think of something small and doable on a regular basis. For example, you can have coffee on the balcony every morning before going to work. Or this can be a long Sunday walk with your dog in a remote park that you can’t go to on weekdays. If you’re religious, try going to church once a week together. Another great idea is to volunteer somewhere in your community. This routine can be anything, as long as it’s realistic and you both look forward to it.
Quality time in a long-distance relationship
Lastly, if you’re in a long-distance relationship right now, it can feel like you’re really missing out on quality time together. It is true partially, but there are many things you can do to keep the spark and strengthen your emotional bond:
- Sync your streaming services and watch a movie together. Bonus points if you turn on cameras, not just the voice call, so you can chat and see each other while you share commentaries on the show.
- Take walks together and talk. You’ll get your 10K steps in, and you’ll catch up with your partner – it’s a win-win!
- Research couples’ questionnaires and go through the list, taking turns with answers. You might think it’s cheezy or unnecessary if you’ve dated for a long time, but trust the Once team – you will find out something new about your perfect match, even if it feels like you know them like no other.
- Spice it up with the texts. Dating long-distance is pretty much the same as dating online. Your dating chat is the main instrument of communication, but it can also be used to meet your sexual needs. Try flirting and sexting more. Not only is it hot and fun, but it will also boost your emotional intimacy which can take a hit in long-distance relationships.
