Pink Flags In Dating: Not As Bad As You May Think
Yes, you’ve heard it right! There is a new threat to mindful dating in town. Pink flags are a hot topic, and they’ve taken over the part of TikTok about dating online and offline. So what do pink flags actually mean? This can’t be the same as red flags, right? Let’s explore this new fascinating dating term together.
What are pink flags in a relationship?
Pink flags in dating are little signs, very subtle and easy to miss, that indicate that there might be a potential problem in your relationship. They’re not dramatic or in-your-face like some red flags, but they still are worrisome and threaten one of the aspects of your romance.
Examples of pink flags
Pink flags are still a relatively new phenomenon, and their meaning along with what is considered a pink flag will likely evolve over time. Still, there are many examples that experts, friends, and the Once team themselves have experienced in our previous dating endeavors.
Here they all are. We’re hoping you won’t have first-hand experience with any of them, but it’s good to be aware of what they look like. Should your perfect match start to exhibit pink flags, you’ll be prepared to recognize and deal with them.
#1 It’s hard for your partner to communicate
They struggle to communicate with you honestly about their feelings, plans, desires, and needs. Also, if the partner is plain avoiding these feelings. Bear in mind though that some people are very introverted and have a hard time talking about themselves due to how they were raised or the environments they were exposed to later in life. This issue can be turned around and resolved, but only if you both want it.
#2 They’re not there for you when you need them
Some people lack emotional intelligence, and others are purely malicious. In any case, if you need support from your lover, say, if you’re having a stressful situation at work, fight with parents, or simply feel down for whatever reason, and they’re never ready to provide it, it’s not good. This pink flag may not bother you at the early stages of dating (when we’re so excited and willing to forgive), but it will haunt you later. And it’ll probably snowball into a bigger issue.
#3 Constructive conflict resolution doesn’t exist in your relationship
Dating is funny because often the main problem is not even the reason why we’re fighting, but the way we’re doing it.
Yes, there is a right and wrong way to fight. We’re not perfect, but a good fight would be the one where partners aren’t throwing insults just to hurt each other, and they’re not being manipulative, gaslighting, or remembering the old grudge that you’ve both agreed was resolved. A healthy conflict would be one where you get to show your frustration, but your main goal is not to win an argument or destroy your opponent, but to come to a joint solution to the problem and move on.
#4 Disregard for your boundaries
A partner ignoring or disrespecting your boundaries is a bright pink flag. Why would they want to challenge your comfort level? Why would they do something they know is hurtful for you, unless they want to hurt you? Granted, not all boundaries that we set for others may seem adequate to them, so communication is key. But if you’ve had multiple conversations about boundaries, and the partner is still being cheeky, like having ongoing dating chats with others, even though you’ve agreed to be exclusive, then they’re definitely pushing your limits on purpose.
#5 Unequal power distribution
Weird power dynamics are most definitely a pink flag. Relationships are, first of all, partnerships, where both people are equally important and should be treated with mutual respect. If one of the partners exercises their power aggressively and tries to make all decisions and guide the other person to how they should be doing something, it’s a potentially concerning situation that needs to be discussed.
#6 Trust issues
Sometimes we get traumatized by previous relationships, so trusting the new person is tricky. It’s hard to blame someone in this situation, but it’s a pink flag anyway. Hurt people who haven’t processed their past experiences can turn a healthy romance into a nightmare with their suspicion, blaming game, and other things they say or do because they’re insecure.
#7 Big differences in lifestyle
This last pink flag is not something many like to talk about. The big Hollywood idea of love is that it can power through anything, and if the couple is in love, they’ll stay together no matter how different they are. The reality is a bit different. If people have very different values, priorities, and preferences for how they want to live their lives, those differences will haunt them for the entirety of their relationship. Sometimes such couples manage to stay happy together, but it’s often achieved through one person sacrificing their views and adapting to the preferences of their partner. Not ideal, if you ask us.
Are pink flags a show-stopper?
In a perfect healthy relationship, you won’t have any red or pink flags, only the beautiful color green. Unfortunately, even the best of us have our own faults. We’re only human, after all!
Depending on the nature of the pink flag, and how tolerable you are to it, there are several routes that you can take:
- Ignore the pink flag and hope it goes away or proves to be a misunderstanding.
- Talk with your partner about the thing that bothers you. Perhaps, you’ll successfully clear the air and move on. Definitely worth trying!
- Break up with the person if you can’t imagine being with someone who demonstrates certain pink flags. It seems a bit dramatic, but if you had a previous negative experience, or the pink flag triggers you for any other reason, it might be totally justified to call it quits.
Some people are really good at hiding their pink and red flags, and it takes them some time to show their true selves. If you notice pink flags and are not sure what to do about them yet, switching to slow dating can be a good solution. Take things slowly, don’t rush to see them every second, move in together, introduce parents, etc. As tempted as you may be, fight the urge to jump to the next steps until you’re sure the person is the one. It’s going to be much easier to say Goodbye if the pink flags become akin to proper red flags when you’re not in love.
Pink flags vs red flags
Both pink flags and red flags terms are used to describe questionable behaviors in relationships (or life, in general). However, they’re different in severity and the actions that you should take. While pink flags are not great, but potentially manageable, red flags are an absolute no-no. Not every pink flag becomes a red flag, but the potential is definitely there.
Pink flags are softer, less obvious, and ambiguous in terms of whether they are a real threat to your relationship. They might not alarm you right away, and they’re also dependent on one’s personal preferences and values. Whereas red flags are universally recognized and they’re more objective. For example, physical aggression is a 100% red flag that we can all agree on. You shouldn’t ignore or tolerate red flags, but you can definitely do something about pink flags. Or at least try to address them through conversations, with the help of a therapist, or by attempting to look at the situation from a different angle.
