Public Display of Affection: Cute or Not?
We at Once know a thing or two about PDA – let’s explore it!
What is a public display of affection?
The meaning of PDA is simple – it is showing any form of touchy intimacy in public. Or, to put it simply, it’s making out in public spaces. PDA differs in intensity, and its acceptance varies depending on the culture.
Examples of public display of affection
PDA comes in many forms, some of them more innocent, some borderline appalling. Here are the main types of PDA-ing:
- Kissing
- Hugging and cuddling
- Holding hands
- Groping each other
- Dry-humping
- Playing with partner’s hair
- Massaging one another
- Feeding them food with sexual context
- Sitting on the partner’s lap
Benefits of public display of affection
What good does public display of affection offer besides scaring off overly conservative folks? Well, there are a few things you might have not considered.
- It brings the couple closer. The two people engaging in PDA are sharing an intimate moment and demonstrating their affection for one another. This helps them establish a stronger connection and progresses their relationship.
- PDA helps you find your perfect match. With mindful dating, it’s important to see how well you two are compatible in values, lifestyle, bedroom, and many other things. Just like any other compatibility, PDA compatibility will indicate how good you are for each other. This doesn’t necessarily mean that if your partner loathes PDA and you love it, you guys won’t survive as a couple. No. But if you match there – it’s a bonus.
- It’s good for your mental health. Kissing, hugging, and just being close to your favorite person is good for your mental health, which, in turn, helps your physical health too through reduced stress and anxiety.
Downsides of public display of affection
PDA is not all fun and games, it has its downsides too.
Can be a source of fights
If one of you is super open to PDA, and the other person is all about slow dating and keeping things private, you’re bound to have a fight about PDA-ing. Depending on how passionate one of you is, such differences in values can even be the cause of a breakup.
Can damage your reputation
You probably won’t want to have top management of your company see how your boobs and butt are being groped by your partner in the cafe next to your office during lunch. They’ll probably think differently of you after this, even if they don’t fully acknowledge it themselves. Expressing public displays of affection can really be dangerous and limit your future opportunities. As much as it sucks, it’s the truth.
Discomfort for others
Depending on how attentive you are to the feelings of others and if you are willing to conform to societal norms, the importance of this particular downside will be higher or lower for you.
Many consider PDA weird, gross, and childlike, so if you’re really into it but your surroundings are not, there might be a problem. Remember how Kourtney and Travis were making their friends and family uncomfortable for an entire season of the Kardashians reality TV show? Yep, we all rooted for the poor spectators who had to witness non-stop kissing and groping.
Is public display of affection acceptable?
Is PDA good or bad? Depends on who you ask! The Flure team doesn’t mind really, unless it turns into full-on sexual activity. We draw the line at dry-humping and petting. Some wouldn’t mind even if the couple would have sex next to them, if it’s done in the “appropriate” setting, such as a wild rave in an abandoned factory outside of town.
For the majority of the population though, as it seems, excessive PDA and even any form of PDA is unacceptable and unethical. While it’s not illegal in the USA to do mild PDA-ing (check your state’s laws to know for sure), you’ll probably get a few disapproving stares if you start making out in the park or a supermarket.
With displays of public affection, you can usually get away with some action if you read the room right. For example, if you’re on the kids’ playground, then it would be absolutely inappropriate to engage in extreme PDA, best express your feelings without touching one another, or resort to soft kisses and holding each other’s hands. Then if you’re in a nightclub, showing some affection would probably be seen as completely fine.
PDA means that the couple is starting to feel more comfortable in front of one another and they’re growing closer together and more comfortable in their relationship because they’re not afraid to be seen together. One of the main love languages is physical touch, so PDA can be a way for you to express your feelings. However, this doesn’t automatically make it acceptable. Every culture, society, and even public areas have their own rules, and it’s important to comply with them.
Tip: If you’re really into PDA, to the point where it becomes a kink, and you’re dating online, you can highlight it in your profile on dating apps and dating sites, to let people know about your preferences. There are many individuals out there who enjoy showing their affection to the world. Finding someone to do PDA with can mean lots of fun (and potentially many grossed-out members of the public). If you’re dating casually, you can even ask about PDA in your dating chats to help you choose who to go out with on a given day.
While some form of PDA is okay, we’d urge passionate couples to remain respectful and not make people around uncomfortable. We get it, it’s hot to grope your partner and kiss aggressively like you’re teenagers again. But it’s also very annoying and kinda gross to be a spectator of such performances.
So next time you’re about to get down to business, pause for a second and go through a quick checklist to see if your PDA sesh is okay or not:
- What does your culture say about PDA?
- Are you in relaxed and inclusive spaces that tolerate this kind of action?
- Do you see any minors around who could be traumatized by your PDA?
- What would your family say? (optional, feel free to leave it out)
- Are you personally comfortable with PDA-ing right here, right now? You don’t have to do it if you’re not feeling it.
Misconceptions about public display of affection
Before we end the discussion on PDA, let’s go through some of the misconceptions around public display of affection.
- It’s a sign of insecurity. Not everyone who’s making out in public is insecure, yet it’s an established belief in our society that only people who are trying to prove something are doing it.
- PDA is typical for new relationships. While it’s true that many couples devour each other in public in the early days of their romance, it’s not true that only those who’ve met recently are guilty of that.
- PDA equals sexual. When you hear about PDA, you mostly assume it’s something intimate and close to the act of sex. It’s not entirely true because kissing and hugging are considered PDA too. In conservative countries, it’s illegal to even hold hands in public. A in PDA stands for affection. And you can be affectionate without a sexual undertone.
