Online Dating for Unattractive People

If you’re not considered conventionally attractive, using an online dating app to meet someone can seem daunting.

Many refrain from online dating as they fear that nobody’s going to match with them anyway, so why put yourself through that humiliation? 

We’re here to say that those of us considered unattractive can be some of the most successful online dating users out there, especially if we’re talking about men. The years 2023 and 2024 were prime time for dating an ugly guy. Rodent men and similar trends were popping up here and there, embracing and borderline fetishizing unattractive boys. Then there was the golden retriever boyfriend trend which focused mostly on the way the guy acts, and putting his looks to the bottom of the priority list. This all gave a chance to many guys with unfortunate looks to find themselves baddies and build strong long-term relationships. 

When it comes to unattractive women, the situation is a bit more complicated. Men are notorious for wanting women to look like supermodels, regardless of what those said men look like themselves. Naturally, this means that the dating pool for not-so-gorgeous women is a little smaller, but it’s rather big nonetheless. 

What we’re trying to say is that everyone deserves to find love and everyone has someone who finds them attractive. Whatever they look like. 

What Defines 'Unattractive' in Dating? Not Just the Looks

Before we continue the discussion on online dating for ugly people, let’s define what being unattractive means in dating. 

When you hear the word unattractive, the first thing that usually comes to mind is physical appearance. But there’s so much more to being attractive than your face bone structure or your body. 

The most beautiful people can be considered not dating material because of who they are inside.

1. Narcissism. Anyone who’s overly focused on themselves and ignores the interests and needs of other people is unattractive. Self-centered behavior is tiring and it turns toxic pretty easily.
2. Emotional abuse. Manipulation, gaslighting, being rude for no reason, – all those things do not make you a desired partner, but rather have the opposite effect. 
3. Arrogance. We all feel somewhat entitled and bratty sometimes. It’s not a crime if it happens rarely. Those who exhibit this kind of behavior continuously, on the other hand, are putting themselves low on the potential dating candidates list. 
4. Clinginess. Most people want to have an independent and self-sufficient partner who has their own thing going on and is perfectly capable of functioning without the constant presence of their lover. Out-of-control over-dependence is definitely unattractive. It puts the other partner under a lot of pressure as they have to cater to their clingy partner’s needs and put their own priorities, needs, and plans on the back burner. 
5. Continuous pessimism. Life is already hard, and getting by is not always easy. Having a Negative Nancy by your side 24/7 can suck the life out of the most positive and enthusiastic people. Someone who’s already been stuck with a cynical pessimist once will stay clear of them forever. Those pessimistic folks suck the energy and life out of you, and it’s simply not worth it, even if they look like Hollywood actors. 
6. Neglected appearance. Not directly linked to the looks as such, but rather something that has to do with poor hygiene, lack of effort in personal presentation, and being a mess overall. If you look like you slept on the floor and showered 4 days ago, it’s not going to be attractive to anyone. 

Why Personality Matters More Than Appearance 

Attraction and beauty standards are subjective, but being a genuine, kind, confident, and respectful person is universally understood and valued. 

In dating, looks can matter more than personality, but only if you’re looking for quick hookups and short-term flings. Anything that involves a more or less serious relationship requires people to be compatible in many aspects, such as their beliefs and values, their view of the world and lifestyle, their goals, and soft skills, for example, listening, seeing other people’s perspective, or sustainable conflict resolution. 

You’re not going to date a pretty picture but a real person. Whether you and your lover feel comfortable next to each other depends on your character traits and not the looks. Also, appearances won’t matter in times of highest highs and lowest lows. It’s what kind of person is next to you that will make the difference in how you go through these events. 

Best Dating Sites for Unattractive People 

If you’re specifically looking for a dating site for unattractive people, we want to reassure you that there’s no need for that. Surely, it can be fun and ironic to sign up there and see what kind of matches you can get. 

However, it’s much better to choose dating apps and websites not based on the looks filter, but the intention for dating and interests. For example, Once is a dating website for people looking to build mindful relationships. This can be a perfect spot for unattractive people too, as those looking to find love and a family are not as obsessed with looks. Personality and compatibility matter much more to them. 

Also, you can try dating apps or websites for people who have a specific hobby or a job, such as a police officer or a firefighter. You might have a profession that is highly sought-after without even realizing it. 

Overall, don’t try and put yourself in a category. What’s unattractive to one, is extremely appealing to the other. You never know! 

Tips for Success in Online Dating for Unattractive People

Here are the best recommendations for online dating for unattractive folks who want to date successfully. 

How to Craft an Authentic Dating Profile 

Your dating profile and bio play a big role in how successful you become on the dating app. 

Here are a few golden rules to follow.

Use only your photos

No anime or other images. No group photos, no celebrity impersonations, no heavily photoshopped versions of you. The first thing you want to establish with someone on the dating app is trust. Only then can you get to know each other comfortably, and find out if you guys are meant to be together. Use somebody else’s photo, and you’ll be forever remembered as a creep and a weirdo. 

Also, make sure the photos are well-lit and good quality. 

Pay attention to the bio

Yes, your name, age, and location are kind of enough. Yet, if you want to stand out and worry that your looks are not going to help the situation, then you should work on a brief and sweet description of who you are, what you like, and what you’re looking for. You can write 1-2 sentences, and use humor if you’re feeling adventurous. 

Challenges and How to Overcome Them 

Let’s talk a little bit about the common challenges of using an ugly person dating site and ways to overcome them. 

1. Getting fewer matches and responses from users. To handle that, dating apps should focus on serious relationships and not one-night stands, where looks play a more important role. 
2. Your looks cause you to be less confident. Work on your insecurities with a therapist, develop skills, and gain knowledge about different topics to feel more confident as a person. Don’t overthink texting someone and just go for it. The more people you match and speak with, the less nervous you’ll be doing it. 
3. Dealing with rejections a lot. Work on your mindset so as not to take it too personally. We’re all looking for someone who’ll be a good match for us, right? Naturally, we don’t want to say Yes to and go out with someone who’s not a good fit. In that sense, it’s a blessing that they’ve rejected you early on, so you won’t waste each other’s time. 

Real-Life Success Stories from Dating Website Users 

At Once, we see many love stories of all sorts. Some of the couples that match on our website include self-proclaimed unattractive people. While we can’t share their specific stories out of privacy concerns, we can share the lessons they’ve learned during dating that they're eager to pass on to the next generations of singles.

• It’s a cliche, but confidence is key. You need to be self-assured, and nobody will care about your so-called unattractive looks. The catch here is that this confidence needs to be coming from the inside, and not that shallow show-offy cockiness you see sometimes. 
• To get confident, you need to work on yourself non-stop. True confidence comes from being satisfied with your life and yourself. This means working on things that bother you, such as your financial situation, how lean and muscled you are, the type of life you’re living, how much knowledge you have, etc. We all have more time in the day than we think, and it’s important to spend at least part of it on things that help us be the better version of ourselves, so we can be more confident. 
• You need to grow a thick skin. If you don’t look like a model, people might treat you worse than they would someone prettier. This is unfair and very unfortunate, but it is the truth. The sooner you learn not to worry about someone’s rudeness, the better your life will be. As you date online, you’ll be dealing with all sorts of people and you need to be prepared.
• Set boundaries and be ruthless. It’s funny how some matches will treat you a certain way assuming you’ll tolerate anything because you don’t have any other options. Needless to say, you should never let anyone mistreat you. When you start chatting and Facetiming, tell them about your boundaries, and walk away if they disrespect them.

It’s all in your head

Something that many of the users shared is that your insecurities and worries are often only present in your own head. Other people might never even spot something that you spend days and weeks crying about. Everyone is busy fighting their own demons, they don’t have time or motivation to overanalyze and scrutinize your appearance. If you worry about certain things too much, you’ll only draw attention to them, attention that it possibly never would have gotten otherwise. 

Final Thoughts on Online Dating for Unattractive People

Lana del Rey is often attributed to the following quote: “I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere”. 

Just like you can guarantee that there are people celebrating their special day right now in many cities, states, and countries, similarly, there are people out there who will find you the most amazing and breathtaking person ever. 

Everyone can find their love and a companion, it’s only that some of us manage to do it sooner than the other. Something that you can do more to improve your relationship-seeking chances is put yourself out there more. Go out with friends, sign up for those activities you always wanted to try and travel on your own instead of waiting for somebody to join you.

Don’t put your life on pause while you’re waiting for the perfect partner to materialize. Keep yourself busy with things that bring you joy. The more fulfilled your days are, the more likely you’ll be to attract the right person who’ll make you happy. And hey, if that takes a while, at least you’ll be having a good time in the meantime!

So don’t overthink it, sign up for the class, register with Once, and start crossing things out off your bucket list while also meeting new people online.