The New Online Dating Etiquette: Tips for Success on Dating Apps

The New Online Dating Etiquette: Tips for Success on Dating Apps

It’s also much easier to meet and connect with different people, whether you’re after love, sex, friendship, or networking. Online dating can seem easy-going and chill, which it often is, but you shouldn’t completely disregard the rules of dating and its etiquette. 

Today we’ll unravel the topic of dating app etiquette, explain why it matters, how to avoid the biggest faux pas, and share tips on staying safe, handling rejection, and moving on from online to real-life dating.  

Why Online Dating Etiquette Matters 

Online dating app etiquette is more important than many people think. 

First of all, you want to make a good impression, right? Regardless of your Why for using the online dating site, you’re there to achieve a goal. It’s going to be much harder to find a perfect match for your needs if the first impressions you make are terrible, right?

Also, let’s not forget that dating apps and websites are their own unique worlds. The terminology that’s used there and the spoken and unspoken rules are strong indicators of whether you belong or not. It’s not like high school where you’ll be ridiculed if you don’t know what orbiting or love bombing means, but it will make your experience there more confusing. 

Lastly, it’s also a matter of security. Not everyone is on the app for good reasons, and you’ll probably encounter toxic matches or worse yet – scammers. Knowing your way around and being able to spot these dangerous users will save you from lots of trouble. 

Setting Up Your Profile with Etiquette in Mind 

Your profile is the first thing other users will see, and it needs to present you in a good light, but also be respectful to everyone else on the platform. Here are a couple of tips to elevate your dating app profile.

• Choose high-quality photos with good light where people can clearly see you. Refrain from group photos, nobody wants to play the guessing game. Also, potential dates may see you as insecure, as if you think that just you in the photo won’t be able to catch their attention.
• Keep your bio real, positive, and about you. None of the ‘3 rules for my future partner’ nonsense. Also, no complaining or negativity. You’re here to find a relationship, not be the drama. 
• If you know what you’re looking for on the app – say it. Express your preferences and expectations to help others understand if they should match with you or not. 
• Use respectful language and avoid sensitive topics. You’re allowed to have strong opinions on touchy subjects and swearing isn’t a crime either, but both are not a good look in your bio. 
• Careful with humor. Keep it light and don’t overdo it. One joke is enough. 
• Leave out any personal information, including things people can spot on your photos. Online safety is super important, don’t put yourself at risk. 

Messaging Etiquette on Dating Apps 

You match with someone, you’re excited, but then you’re growing anxious. What do you say? How do you start the conversation? Here are the tips for messaging etiquette to make sure your first message doesn’t get you blocked. 

1. Reach out! So many people match with someone but never end up even saying Hello to each other. Don’t make that mistake. If you like them, text them!
2. Greet them first and express interest or comment on their profile. Saying Hi is the first step, but it’s easy to exchange those greetings and then go radio silent on both ends. To avoid that, try to add something to your message to get the ball rolling. But never skip a greeting. It’s just weird and also impolite. 
3. Don’t overshare. You might give out the personal information you’ll later regret, plus they may be a con artist and use it against you. Also, oversharing can freak out some users who’ll see it as trauma dumping. 
4. Don’t lie. Dating apps are a breeding ground for liars who want to seem cooler, prettier, more interesting. The truth is always found out in the end, and it can ruin your otherwise perfectly going conversation. 
5. Keep it decent. Nobody wants the pics of your intimate parts, seriously. Especially not when they don’t even know you. Also, try and keep your conversations clean from obscenities for the first while. Different people have different levels of tolerance for those things, so don’t scare them off by swearing or engaging in sex talk right off the bat. 
6. Use emojis and GIFs. Even if you don’t like them, emojis help convey what we’re trying to say through text and make sure there’s no misunderstanding. You never know how people will read your texts, and your tone may be lost in translation. 
7. Follow up once but don’t spam them. Sometimes you’ll text the person and get no response. It’s possible that they’ve opened your chat and then got distracted, so they’ve never responded. It’s also possible that they saw your text and chose not to respond. That’s why we’d recommend following up once and then leaving them alone. Also, depending on the last message in the chat, you might wait for a few hours to a full day. Still no reply after your second try? Well, it’s their loss then. 
8. Don’t ghost. Ghosting is not fun when you are on the receiving end of it. Remember all those recruiters who’ve never gotten back to you when you were trying to get a job? Well, being ghosted on dating apps is much more painful, so don’t do it. Have the strength to tell the person you’re not interested in pursuing this conversation (politely) and wish them well. 
9. Take rejections with grace. It’s statistically impossible to be liked by everyone, and it’s okay if some people will not like you back. This doesn’t mean you should lash out at them and call them names. This will only confirm to them that they were right in rejecting you. Plus, you’ll look pathetic and insecure, and you probably don’t want that, right?
10. Be thoughtful of other people’s time. Aim to respond to everyone within a reasonable time and in a respectful manner as well. Match people’s energy with texts too. If someone took the time to craft a personalized and insightful message, don’t respond with ‘Cool’ or ‘Nice’ or something similar.

Safety and Privacy in Online Dating 

You never really know who you’re talking to online until you meet the person, and even then you might be up for a nasty surprise. 

Here is how you can keep yourself safe while dating online.

• Avoid sharing personal information in your profile or texts. Last name, phone number, email, address, photos where people can see where you live or work, – all that should be kept off the dating app. 
• Watch out for red flags. If the person seems creepy, manipulative, or aggressive, take some time to verify your intuition, and don’t be afraid to block them. 
• Watch out for scammers. Anyone bragging about their wealth or asking you for money (for whatever reason) is likely a scammer. With bragging though, they might just be extremely insecure, but that’s also not good. 
• Report inappropriate behavior without any doubts. There are rules on every app or website, and if someone breaks them and threatens you – report them. Make the dating experience safer for yourself and for everyone else. 
• Stay in the dating app chat for some time, don’t migrate to a third-party messenger. This way you won’t have to share your phone number, plus there will be a record of your conversation which you can then present to the app manager with a complaint. If you have to share the phone number, get yourself a temporary number for the first while. 
• Don’t click and follow the links they send you right away. You can also try and type the website they’re sharing or googling the specific article they’re sending, instead of using their link. 
• Check all privacy settings on the app and limit what others can see and track about you. 

Last but not least, if you agree to meet in real life, always schedule a date in a public place, get there by yourself, and make sure there's a way for you to leave on your own too. Tell your friends about your date and share geolocation with them. It’s also a good idea for them to give you a safety check-in call an hour or two into the date. 

The Future of Dating App Etiquette

The new dating app etiquette is already changing how we date. 

When online dating first started, it was such a drastic change to standard real-life dating that many users began seeing others as mere numbers, and not human beings. It is the same now with trolls and haters online who will write the meanest comments thinking it’s okay because they’re saying it a) anonymously; b) on the internet, and not to the person’s face. 

The new online dating etiquette is calling for a more mindful approach to the whole enterprise. Everyone is a worthy individual, and they deserve respect. With conversations on mindful dating spiking, and more people, especially women, choosing to be single instead of participating in less-than-satisfactory relationships, a major shift is happening. And we’re here for it! 

Another aspect that is changing about online dating is the acceptance and welcoming of people’s differences. It’s no longer a monogamous relationship or one-night stand. There are 50 shades in between. Same with people’s sexualities. The new dating etiquette is to stay open-minded to all the variations of dating. If something isn’t your cup of tea – no worries. Let them know and move on. No hating, harassing, or belittling. 

The bottom line is, go into online dating with a strong sense of your self-worth and boundaries, but also stay open to new formats of communication and relationships, at least learn more about them before saying it’s not for you. 

And, most importantly, lead with kindness. We’re all in the same boat here. Finding love, casual fun, or even sex is not that easy, and we’re all being vulnerable here. Don’t ruin the experience for yourself and for others.