Stuck in a One-Sided Relationship? Here’s What You Can Do About It

For example, you’re the one who always suggests going out, comes up with creative plans, and texts first. The other person happily agrees to everything you offer, but they’re not exactly proactive on their own. If this dynamic sounds familiar, you might have experienced a one-sided relationship. 

What is a one-sided relationship? 

One-sided relationships are the ones where one person cares disproportionately more about it than the other. This can happen among lovers, friends, and family members, in committed relationships, or in a slow-dating casual arrangement. A common example would be when one partner is very expressive with their emotions, and the other one appears indifferent most of the time. Or it can also look like a couple where one partner, for example, a woman, is doing all the housework, takes care of the kids, and is responsible for the mental load of planning and organizing. All while her boyfriend just exists conveniently and does not do much until he’s been asked to do something repeatedly. 

What are the signs of a one-sided relationship?

1. It feels like it’s always on you to initiate contact, and if you don’t do it – you simply don’t meet. 
2. You’re the one carrying the conversation. It’s okay if your partner is not in a chatty mood occasionally, but if they’re always like that, and not really interested in conversing, then we smell trouble. 
3. They’re not really interested in your life unless it concerns them directly. 
4. You’re anxious about calling you guys a couple or saying that you’re in a relationship. 
5. There’s something that they constantly use as a way to keep you at a distance. This can be their never-ending work projects, tiredness from work or sports, or something else. Basically, if you hear them using one particular excuse over and over again this is probably their chosen trick to cancel on your plans or bail at the last minute. 
6. All relationship-related initiative comes from you. Taking the next step? Your idea! Working on problems? Again, something you suggest. Being the bigger person and apologizing first? You guessed it! If it’s just you who wants to work on things or move to the next relationship stage, it’s likely that your partner isn’t involved at all and doesn’t treat whatever is going on between you as important.
7. They don’t bring up your future together. Like, never. Not everyone needs to get married and have kids, but all healthy relationships involve some form of planning for the future together. 

Examples of a one-sided relationship 

There are a million and one examples of one-sided relationships, and not all of them will be applicable to your situation. Still, you might recognize your partnership in one of them. Although the Once team sincerely hopes you won’t!

1. One person is always sacrificing their wishes and plans to accommodate their partner. 
2. One of the partners is always calling, texting, and offering to hang out, and the other partner is simply there, accepting it all passively. 
3. Your attempts to express feelings and emotions are constantly downplayed and dismissed.
4. One person is constantly enjoying the support and validation from their partner but fails to mirror this behavior. 
5. The needs of one person in the relationship are continuously unmet and ignored. 
6. The partner withholds love and affection if the other person doesn’t behave a certain way. 

One-sided relationship vs situationship 

It seems logical to assume one-sided relationships and situationships are the same thing. 

It’s not exactly right though. Both types of relationship dynamics are problematic because they lack fundamentals, such as mutual respect and commitment, as well as emotional availability. Their nature is still different though. A one-sided relationship, however messed up it can be, is still a relationship. Both people agreed to be a couple at some point, and here they are. 

With situationships, there’s much more ambiguity, and it’s not exactly right to say that there is a relationship in a traditional sense. In a situationship, one person likes the nature of causal uncertainty and thrives in it, while the other person would want more. Here, people do all the things that couples do (hang out, have sex, show emotional support even), but these periods are then followed by them not seeing each other, having missed calls, and a lot of fear with regard to asking where this is all going. 

One-sided relationships feel unfair and manipulative at times, but it’s really the situationships that are cruel by their nature. The person who’s guilty of being an unsupportive partner in a one-sided relationship might not realize what they’re doing. Someone who’s leading the situationship most definitely knows what’s up and is using the circumstances to their advantage. 

What are the causes of one-sided relationships? 

There are several reasons why one might find themselves in a one-sided relationship. 

• Bad examples growing up. It’s a cliche to blame the parents for our adult issues, but there is a lot of truth to it. The relationship models we see and experience growing up have a paramount effect on who we become and what relationships we form as adults. Let’s say, you watched your parents ignore each other's relationship boundaries for years and decades. There’s no way it won’t affect your future romances.
• It develops naturally as your relationship progresses. Sometimes people have a seemingly healthy relationship at the start, and then it evolves into something less pleasant, such as a one-sided relationship. Often, such shifts are triggered by a major event, such as the birth of kids, loss or change of job, injury or other medical issue, illness or death of a family member, etc. It starts as a temporary situation, and you’re very understanding because your partner is really going through it. However, months and years pass, and it’s only getting worse. They’re getting more and more withdrawn, and you feel like you’re carrying this relationship alone. 
• Your partner is not self-aware. It’s possible that you’re dating someone who’s not great with empathy, or self-awareness, or might even be low-key narcissistic. If that’s the case, they might not understand how little they bring to the table. Or they might know exactly what they’re doing and be fine with it. We’re honestly not sure what’s worse!
• You’ve already been in a one-sided relationship, so now you’re stuck in a vicious cycle. Sadly, bad habits die hard, and if you’ve already lived through a somewhat dysfunctional relationship, you’re more likely to go back to this dynamic. If you suspect this might be the case for you, please reach out to your therapist and close circle, they should be able to help you break the pattern. 

How to fix a one-sided relationship

If your great romance with a perfect match whom you found while dating online turns out to be less than perfect, and you’d like to turn things around, here is what you can do. 

Shift your perspective

If you’re a people pleaser or generally someone who takes a lot of blame on themselves, stop this right now. If you’re doing all the work and the partner is clearly underdelivering, then it’s THEM who is not doing enough and NOT you. 

Call them out but in a non-judgmental way

The goal here is not to insult the partner or lash out at them with all the negativity and resentment that you have built up but to make them aware of the issue. Maybe they know what they’re doing, maybe they’re too self-absorbed to notice something isn’t right. Whatever it is, they need to be in the know, and you’re the one who needs to tell them. 

Talk to them about the situation

Try to be less blaming and more observative. They might be 100% in the wrong, but nobody likes to be told that. If you want to transform your relationship into something new and beautiful, you’ll need to be a bit strategic about how you approach your concerns and the faulty dynamics. 

Offer a plan and be prepared to listen to theirs

Just like how our managers like it when we come to them with solutions, offer the next steps to your partner too. Don’t make it an ultimatum but rather a peace offering, and the first draft of something you can work on together.  

How and when to end a one-sided relationship 

Not all one-sided relationships are salvageable. Sometimes you just need to cut the cord. But when? And how to do that exactly? No worries, we have you covered! 

When to break off the one-sided relationship: 

• They’re not changing after you had the talk and agreed on the next step. 
• They’re failing to see the issue or start gaslighting you that there is none and you might actually be the source of all troubles. 

How to end the one-sided relationship:

• Remember that your well-being is your number one priority. 
• Have an honest conversation. Explain why you want to break up in a calm manner.
• Be prepared to listen to their response, but don’t let them change your mind and manipulate you into feeling guilty. 
• Set boundaries. For example, you might not want to continue talking to them and agree to only reach out to each other in case of emergency. And if they violate those boundaries, feel free to block their number, delete your dating chat, and unfollow them on social media. 
• Focus on yourself. Breaking up is tough, even when you’re initiating it. Make sure you give yourself time to heal, process what happened, and focus on self-care. 

The impact of a one-sided relationship on your mental health 

One-sided relationships are not the worst, there are definitely more toxic relationship dynamics out there. And still, it’s very bad for your soul to be with someone who’s not really engaged and doesn’t really care about you as a person and as their romantic partner. 

Your self-worth and self-image are probably damaged the most by such romances. It’s very upsetting when someone you care for doesn’t pay enough attention to you, so you naturally start to second-guess your worth and worry that you’re not good enough. Feel like that for long enough, and you’ll need years of therapy to fix the damage. 

Then there is the burnout that you start to feel. Yes, that’s right, you’re not only able to be tired and exhausted from work but also from your romantic relationship. It’s hard to be constantly giving and not getting anything in return.

One-sided relationships are really incompatible with the concept of mindful dating. Your needs are not met in this arrangement, and you’re slowly giving in to more toxicity from your partner. If they’re constantly underdelivering, you’re prone to making excuses for them and turning a blind eye to the pink and red flags that they’re waving proudly. With time, these red flags become bigger and brighter, and you might end up in an unfortunate situation.