What Is a Monogamous Relationship?
In the world of casual hookups and talking stages, you might think that nobody cares about getting serious anymore, but that’s not true. Monogamous relationships continue to dominate the dating world despite the rise of situationships and open relationships.
What Is a Monogamous Relationship?
A monogamous relationship is one where two people are interested in one another romantically and they agree to commit to each other, be exclusive (i.e., not see other people), and build a strong emotional and physical bond together.
What Does Monogamy Mean?
Monogamy in relationships implies trust, loyalty, and emotional connection. It’s when people agree to focus on each other and prioritize their couple’s needs over many other things that could involve instant gratification or just be desirable.
Because the couple agrees to be exclusive, such relationships are usually associated with long-term commitment and potential marriage.
Evolution of Monogamy
A lot of what we know and believe about monogamy today stems from the culture and society we grew up in. Nowadays, monogamy is the default relationship but it wasn’t always the case. The polyamorous format used to be prevalent at some point in human history, but at some point, due to changes in economy, society, and religion, monogamy took over.
At first, it was more about the bloodline and inheritance. Family legacy had to be secured and maintained, and the best way to achieve that was through monogamous marriages.
With time, the idea of marrying for love took over, and while some people still marry strategically today, the majority choose their partners based on their feelings.
Types of Monogamy in Modern Dating
Nowadays, the concept of a committed relationship has evolved and there are different types of monogamy that you can come across.
Humans are slowly but surely being liberated across all areas of life, and that includes romantic relationships. There’s no longer a need to use a one-size-fits-all approach to monogamy, so you can come across various types of monogamy. It’s good to be aware of what’s possible and how different people understand monogamy as it will give you options, plus you’ll be able to better understand the people you’re dating.
Social Monogamy vs. Sexual Monogamy
First off, people can be sexually or socially monogamous.
Sexual monogamy means that the couple only ever sleeps with each other, but can sometimes date others. Social monogamy is when partners share a life, such as living together, having kids, getting married, etc, but they can sleep around with others, as long as it’s not threatening their primary union.
The classic understanding of monogamy is that both social and sexual exclusivity are maintained, but it doesn’t have to be the case if partners don’t mind a little change.
Monogamy in Marriage vs. Dating
Both marriage and dating monogamy imply being exclusive with your lover and committing to them emotionally.
When we talk about marriage, however, monogamy is treated as a much stricter concept. It’s reinforced by society, religion, and culture. People who get married but disrespect monogamy are considered traitors and can suffer penalties and punishments that involve public shaming, divorce, and losing their assets.
In relationships where people aren’t married, monogamy is still treated as a serious matter, but repercussions for breaking trust are usually milder. Also, dating couples can change the rules along the way and shift to a different dating format. Theoretically, it’s also possible with marriage, but it’s usually more difficult and the success rate is lower.
The Benefits of a Monogamous Relationship
Monogamous couples benefit from a number of perks that this type of romantic relationship provides.
- Stability is one of the biggest benefits. They have someone by their side, they know where their life is going, and the routine is set as well. They can plan long-term and feel less stressed.
- Trust is one most important elements of relationships, and being monogamous means that partners promise each other to be exclusive and not mess around. This creates a huge sense of trust and security, and that allows lovers to deepen their emotional intimacy.
- Stronger bond is another benefit that naturally results from the couple investing time and energy into each other and their relationship. As time goes by, and they go through many different situations together, their bond grows stronger and stronger. So if and when something happens, their relationship can withstand difficulties, challenges, and changes.
- Simplicity. Monogamous relationships aren’t always a walk in the park, but they are much simpler than other dating formats where you either go out with new matches all the time, date multiple people at once or move on from hookup to hookup. There’s simply less drama.
- Fulfillment. While relationships aren’t projects or something you should nurture according to productivity standards, there is something about a solid long-term relationship that makes you feel fulfilled. You look at your partner, at everything you went through and achieved together, and you’re proud of how far you’ve come.
Health Benefits of Monogamous Couples
Something that gets overlooked a lot in conversations about monogamous couples is the undeniable health benefit that this form of committed relationship offers.
Not only are couples avoiding STIs when they’re exclusive, but they’re also feeling better emotionally. Relationships are draining sometimes, especially the casual, non-committed ones. You constantly worry about where you’re going or about getting caught with your other lover, and that negatively affects your mental health.
Monogamy marriage or relationship, in turn, offers great emotional security. You’re not anxious or worried all the time about a million things, such as infidelity, mixed signals, next steps, etc. On the other hand, you get superior emotional support and constant encouragement from your partner.
Overall, if you’re in a stable relationship, you’re likely to live a more relaxed and chill life which makes your mental health better and, in turn, your physical health isn’t affected by all the stress.
Challenges of Monogamous Relationships
It would be a disservice to claim that once you join a monogamous relationship, it will all be fun and games. Naturally, any relationship comes with its challenges, and monogamous couples aren’t exempt from their own fair share of challenges.
Here are the main issues you can bump into when dating someone.
- Partners get bored with one another, repetitive routines, and same sex.
- High expectations and perceptions that you have when joining the relationship aren’t met.
- You can still be jealous and worry about infidelity, even in a monogamous relationship.
- Communication issues can happen with time as people grow tired and bored, or resentment builds up for some other reason.
- Codependency can develop and turn into a problem if partners start to rely on each other fully to meet their emotional needs and create happiness.
Monogamy vs. Open Relationships – Which Is Right for You?
If you read through all those challenges and they seem like too much for you, it’s possible that monogamy is simply not right for you at the moment.
If you can’t fathom committing to someone right now, perhaps an open relationship format will work better. In an open relationship, people sleep around, date, and flirt with others.
You can even do it if you already have a partner. The key here is to agree on the rules from the start and ensure that both partners really commit to this format, and it’s not a case of one partner wanting to open their romance to others, and the second agreeing out of fear of losing them.
Either dating preference is fine. Choosing which one works for you better at the moment will depend on your values and goals. Whatever you choose, you can find partners on a conscious dating app who will share your views and agree to join the type of relationship you’re interested in right now.
How to Maintain a Strong Monogamous Relationship
It takes two to maintain a strong monogamous relationship, so make sure both you and your partner are interested in keeping your union strong.
Here are the key pillars of success:
- Instill open communication principles and have regular discussions of your feelings, concerns, and expectations.
- Show emotional support and be present when your partner is going through something, good or bad.
- Nurture trust and honesty in your couple. Be reliable, practice what you preach, and try to keep everything transparent.
- Spend quality time together, don’t just hang out in the same room. Shallow engagements are okay and needed sometimes, but you should also work on strengthening your bond.
- Don’t take things for granted. Show appreciation and thank your partner for taking care of you. Such things can be easily forgotten, but they make a huge difference.
- Keep the spark alive and schedule romantic dates, especially if you’ve been together for several years. Keep things hot and spicy.
Lastly, make sure you have a talk about boundaries and expectations every once in a while. It’s healthy to do those check-ins to see if you guys are still on the same page about life and love.
Everything You Need to Know About Monogamy
Is monogamy natural or a social construct?
That is an excellent question! There is a bit of both, to be honest. Surely, society has long promoted monogamy, and sometimes it hurts the other dating formats and people who prefer them. Biologically speaking, monogamy is not absolutely natural to mammals. Historically, humanity has gone through many different formats of dating. Society definitely benefits from monogamy as it creates clear structures, lines of inheritance, and economic partnerships. Ultimately, the perception of monogamy is influenced by everything around us.
Can a monogamous relationship work long-term?
Absolutely, many believe that this is the best relationship format for the long term because it’s what it’s designed for. You choose a partner, you invest in them and your relationship, and you grow closer over time.
What are the signs of a strong monogamous relationship?
Strong monogamous relationships are the ones where couples can discuss anything, trust each other, and show support. Those are the couples who respect one another even when they’re fighting, and are actively interested in keeping the relationship strong and support this interest with action.
