How to Pick Up a Girl in 2024: the Best Tips
We at Once see it as a good trend, because the more knowledgeable we all are about romance, and the better we see through toxic behaviors and communicate our boundaries, the better it is for our society. Yet, it comes with (sometimes uncomfortable) change that’s required in terms of how we engage with each other romantically, including the picking-up game.
In today’s article, we’ll tell you all about how to rizz up a girl without her choosing the bear. Buckle up!
Think through your motivation first
The “strategies” you choose when picking up a girl should correlate with your motivation. Are you looking for a one-night stand at a club? A long-term partner? A casual fling? The way you talk, and act, and the pickup lines you use need to differ for all those scenarios.
For example, with the club situation – you can be a bit more racy and risque with the things you say, indicating your intention. But if you’d like to meet the future mother of your kids, flirting aggressively right off the bat will make a wrong impression.
Don't be a creep
Before you approach a woman, and during your first conversation, please don’t be that guy who a woman wouldn’t feel safe being alone in a room with. What does it mean? For starters, don’t stare at her without blinking for an extended period of time. Some guys think they’re being super discreet and nonchalant, but it comes across as weird most of the time. Instead, glance at her a few times, and then look away or approach her right away. Also, If you’re at a party or a public space, don’t follow her around without saying anything. Again, you can assume she doesn’t notice, but women are super aware of such behaviors and get weirded out (and rightfully so!).
In terms of dating online, don’t scare off your perfect match by sending nudes and outright weird messages to the dating chat. Keep the conversation polite and friendly, and joke around, but not at anyone’s expense. Also, don’t stalk her online. We’re all guilty of a little cyberstalking here and there, but fight the urge to follow her on all social media platforms and monitor her every move or like the photos from 2012. It’s a good idea to ask if it’s okay for you to follow them on Instagram, for example. This way the woman won’t feel like you’re suffocating her or trying to control her this early on.
Avoid the dated pick-up lines
Forget about this “Did it hurt to fall from the sky?” nonsense. Use it strictly ironically and make sure the woman you’re interested in knows you’re not actually asking this seriously. Delete those Amazon books with a selection of best pick-up lines from your online shopping cart, and erase them from your mind too. Mindful dating or a casual fling, you’re not going to get any great women with those embarrassing phrases. Instead, check the surroundings and start a conversation by mentioning something you see. Perhaps you’re at a bar that has a funky design, and you can approach a woman with a comment about that. Or you notice something peculiar about her dress or her hair being done in an original way – ask about that instead (but don’t make fun of it).
Don't be desperate
Nobody likes desperation. It isn’t hot, sexy, or attractive. And while many women were given a hard time about being desperate and wanting a man, it’s the guys who often don’t know when to stop.
The easiest example here is to let go if she’s not interested. Technically you can bully her into dating you by insisting non-stop and borderline harassing her about it, but it’s obviously unhealthy and a major red flag. Also, asking repeatedly about what is wrong with you that she doesn’t want you can be okay sometimes, but it can also come across as try-hard. A woman will likely think that you’ll work on hiding the undesirable aspect of your personality to win her over and show true colors when it’s going to be “too late” to back out.
Find a common ground
Bring the slow-dating attitude to the pick-up game. As you approach girls, look for things that you guys can share. Superficial small-talk chats are fun and all that, but if you want to connect with the person you’re picking up, you need to look for ideas, views, lifestyle, or anything else that you either share or have similar thoughts on.
How does one do it? It’s pretty easy with online dating, you simply ask them about random things in the chat. Also, look for cues in their profile on the dating app. In real life, you can feel more awkward about bringing up certain things, so start with your surroundings. For example, if you’re both on the street and witnessed something, good or bad, comment on it and take it from there.
Give genuine compliments
Fake or basic compliments are sad and embarrassing. Don’t do that. Instead, look for something unique to the person and something that you genuinely love about them. This can be, for instance, the way they carry themselves, how they handle tricky situations, a subtle detail about their style, or things they say. Trust us, unless you have something original to say, it’s better not to say anything at all.
Work on your profile bio
In online dating, the first thing people see and judge you by are your profile photos and your dating profile bio. The mistake that many guys (and some women) make when filling in the bio is writing down a list of requirements for their potential matches. Instead, write about yourself! Mention a few things you enjoy and some character traits that you have. Also, don’t take yourself too seriously with these bios.
What makes you successful with women?
As you’re working through our pick-up tips and your own tricks that you’ve gathered from experience, it’s a good idea to do some inner work and reflect on how good of a potential boyfriend and husband you are. Even if you’re not exactly looking to get serious with someone yet, being someone who many women see as their potential lifelong partner will boost your chances of picking up girls more successfully.
So what are those criteria that make you a hot commodity on the dating market?
Emotional availability
Something that the majority of women want and will name as their top priority is having a partner that they can have emotional intimacy with. And that requires you to be able to process, accept, and live with your emotions. Running away from your feelings should be a national sport in the USA at this point, but just because it’s so common doesn’t mean it’s good. Sit back and have an honest conversation with yourself about the uncomfortable things you don’t want to dive into and get to the root cause of why that is. We know it’s not a fun activity, but if you work out your major emotional blocks, you’ll not only be a much better romantic partner, but a happier and more balanced person in general.
Taking responsibility
This includes taking responsibility for others, for your own life, and, most importantly, for the decisions you make. We see this a lot with the modern plague of the century – situationships. A lot of men will want to have everything good that is included in a traditional relationship, such as exclusivity on the woman’s end, care and attention from the partner, sex, naturally, and the overall experience of a relationship. What they don’t want is to call it like it is – a relationship. And why? Because they don’t want the responsibility that comes with it. But there’s hardly anything sexier than a man who owns up to what he says and does.
Being an interesting and decent person
Sabrina Carpenter has brought up an interesting topic in her recent “Please, Please, Please” song. Dating for many women becomes a liability and a risk to their reputation.
Historically, women were held to higher standards. They weren’t supposed to sleep around, they needed to be fit, beautiful, smart, and have hobbies that make them a more desirable match. Men, on the other side, were expected to be rich and/or handsome. But that was pretty much it. With the bloom of feminism and women being able to own their own property, have bank accounts, and make their own money, the situation is starting to change.
A hot, but cheating man with nothing going on outside of work is no longer cutting it. Ladies want someone who will not embarrass them in front of their girlfriends. For men, this means developing an interesting personality, learning about empathy and compassion, being someone they can talk to about many difficult topics, someone who is curious about the world and is not spending every waking hour outside of work doing nothing.
We know it sounds kind of harsh and we’re by no means assuming that all men are shallow and have nothing of substance to offer. There are millions of great men on our planet, but there needs to be many more of them.
