How To Know If You Are In Love For Sure

If you’ve ever watched any romantic movies then you’ve probably seen those “aha” moments on screen when a person looks at their partner and realizes they love them. It looks cute, but that’s not always what happens in real life. 

Today we’ll explore the signs that indicate both being in love and not, and talk about following in love in a more general sense. 

Not all relationships require you to be in love

For starters, let’s establish that not every romance requires two people to be in love. And no, we’re not a relationship Grinch who stole love. Think about it – we meet all sorts of people in our lifetime, and we can’t possibly fall for each and every one of them. 

Say, you’re in the new city for a few weeks and you’re dating online there to pass the time and have a buddy to hang out with. Yes, you can absolutely fall in love with this random guy from Boston while you’re there, but you don’t have to. You can spend a few great weeks of passionate dates and sex, and then both get back to your own lives. People do this all the time when they’re on holiday. A short-term romance is in no way inferior to other forms of relationships. It’s simply different, and it serves a different purpose. 

There are also relationships where it takes partners a while to understand if they’re compatible or not. In that case, falling in love before you know if the person is good for you would actually be terrible. Loving someone we’re not compatible with is a painful experience. So if you don’t fall in love with them for a while, and they turn out to be a bad match, it’s only going to make breaking up with them easier for everyone. 

Then there are couples who experiment with the friends-with-benefits (FWB) model. Here, the number one rule is to not fall in love, otherwise you ruin the fun. 

Signs you are in love with someone 

Now that we’ve talked about all the reasons why you don’t need to be in love with your partner, let’s look at some signs that indicate that you are, indeed, falling for them. 

#1 Being with them brings you joy

Younger generations successfully highlighted how many boomers really hate their spouses and families. How did they know? Well, many boomers tell on themselves by joking how they’re happy to be in the office and not at home, how they’re dreading the weekend with their wife alone, and all sorts of things of a similar kind. 

So when you think about whether or not you’re in love, look back at how being around this person makes you feel. Are you happy, delighted, and forget about everything else, or are you on edge and easily annoyed? We all have bad days and grumpy moods, but in general loving someone would entail you being joyful and happy around them. 

#2 You feel emotional security and support

Sex and physical contact are all fun and games, but you can’t go on without emotional intimacy when building a strong relationship that involves love. Lovebirds are generally open to each other's thoughts, worries, hopes, and dreams. They feel perfectly comfortable with sharing what’s on their mind, and they gladly support their partner through any emotional turmoil. Trust and feeling emotionally safe are big telltales of love. 

#3 You talk about things that matter 

There’s nothing wrong with light-hearted conversations, but in mindful dating, and in relationships that involve love, you must have a deep talk every once in a while. 

What we mean by a deep conversation is basically anything that’s important for either of you. For example, this can be your political views and thoughts on where the country is going, plans for your lives, such as kids and purchasing a house, where you stand on ethical matters, etc. The mere act of conversing with them should be something you’re happy to do and look forward to, and your disagreement on certain subjects, in turn, shouldn’t result in constant fights and arguments. Part of being in a loving relationship is respecting each other's views and talking about them in a healthy manner.

#4 You prioritize your partner 

Making time for them and prioritizing their needs is a clear sign of being in love. If you really care about someone, you’ll make an effort to spend time with them, respond to their texts, and do things they asked you to do. No matter how busy you are. 

Granted, it’s not always possible, and we at Once don’t want to promote people-pleasing or any other similar behaviors. But if you truly love someone, you’re naturally prone to keeping them on your mind and prioritizing them over some (or many) things. 

#5 Doing things together

Watching a movie, going on a walk, grocery shopping, traveling somewhere – all those things are something we like doing more with people we love. Obviously, trying new things and hobbies is generally fun, so having a good time is not 100% proof you’re in love, but it’s definitely a sign. If, on top of that, you also like running errands and doing mundane things with your lover, then you most probably have genuine feelings toward each other.

#6 Physical attraction 

Some couples are more sexually active and enjoy physical touch more than others, but overall, if two people are in love, they’re longing for a hug, a kiss, and other things. Some couples feel love for each other but aren’t really compatible in the bedroom which can work in some cases but can cause a breakup too. Whether or not you can truly be soulmates with someone you’re not sexually compatible with, we’ll leave it to you to decide.

#7 You’re doing little things to make them happy 

Small acts of kindness are often associated with loving a person. Surprising them with little treats, taking some weight off their shoulders, being considerate of their feelings, – those are examples of something we do for people we love or at least deeply care for. 

#8 They’re on your mind 

You can be working, jogging, cleaning, hanging out with friends, and still have the person on your mind, remembering something they did or the experience you shared, or wanting to tell them about what you’re experiencing right now. Missing them and looking forward to seeing them again is another clear sign that you’re in love. 

Signs you are NOT in love

We mentioned that confirming that you’re in love can be tricky. But what about the opposite situation? It’s arguably even harder to tell when you’re not in love, especially when you’re together with someone for a while and they check out all the boxes on the surface. 

• Spending time with them drains your energy 
• Thinking about them isn’t fun, exciting, or joyful 
• You don’t feel safe emotionally in your relationship 
• Trust is limited or non-existent in your union 
• You’re not willing to support them, emotionally or in other ways
• Your conversations are mostly meaningless and lack depth
• There’s little respect for what your partner thinks or wants 
• You’re making excuses to avoid spending time together or doing things they like
• Creating new memories or moving through relationship stages is not something you entertain
• Shared future together is also not on your mind, at least not with enthusiasm
• You’re not considerate of the partner’s feelings, and you can’t be bothered about making them feel special 

Frankly, if you agree with many of the points above, it may very well be that you don’t just love your partner, but you also don’t really like them at all. It’s possible that you’re staying in this relationship out of boredom or habit, and it could be a good idea to rethink whether you want to go on like that. It’s not only unfair to your partner but is also harmful to you too. Being with a person you’re not crazy about is not good for you in the long term. 

How to know if you are in love or just attached

You can be in love, or not in love, but also you can be attached or infatuated with someone, while not having the strongest feelings that would deserve to be called “love”. It’s a tough call to say where you really stand, and you might want to reach out to a therapist to help you navigate your feelings. 

If you’re not ready or willing to discuss it with anyone, think about these points below:

1. Your motivation to be in a relationship
2. How the person makes you feel on a daily basis 
3. What role do you have for them in your life now 
4. How you see your future together 

Think through those, and it will give you a better idea of where you stand feelings-wise. 

Why you should know if you are in love or not

You might ask: Why bother finding out if I’m in love or not? And it’s true that you can simply go with the flow and see where it takes you. This works for many people. However, if you’re interested in conscious dating, being aware of your feelings and emotions is a must. 

Knowing if you love someone or not will help you plan your relationship and take the next steps, especially if you’re not in love, but your partner is. Everything we say or do as a couple has consequences, so the more you understand yourself, the better future you can build for the two of you. And sometimes this includes breaking up and letting the other person live their life if you’re not that into them.