Healing From a Relationship For Beginners
Why would you need healing from a relationship?
If you broke up due to betrayal or infidelity, or your relationship was abusive and toxic, then you’ll most likely need to heal, even if you don’t realize it at first. There is a lot of emotional pain that we feel after a nasty separation. Some even compare it to the feeling of grief which is kind of fair because you’ve lost something important in your life. By letting yourself heal and process everything that went down, you’re not only helping yourself feel much better and build healthy relationships moving forward, but you’re also allowing yourself to grow and become more resilient.
Signs you need healing from a relationship
There are signs to tell you that you might need healing from a previous relationship. Watch out for them so you can take the necessary action and go on with mindful dating that makes you happy.
- You’re drowning in negative emotions.
- You’re having constant obsessive thoughts about your past relationship.
- It’s hard for you to trust people.
- You find yourself avoiding new relationships.
- Your self-esteem is rather low, and there’s a lot of self-doubt.
- It seems like you’re stuck in a cycle of unhealthy relationships.
- Your negative emotions start to manifest in physical discomfort.
How to heal from a relationship
The Once team searched far and wide, and we’ve found several great tips that will help you heal from a relationship in the most effective and sustainable way.
Give yourself a license to feel your emotions
Breaking up is tough, even if your perfect match turns into a narcissistic nightmare halfway through and you can’t remember why you fell for them in the first place. All that creates a myriad of feelings and emotions. Too often what we’ll try to do is to suppress them, pretend that it’s all fine, and go on with our days. Obviously, that’s not the healthiest way to move forward. Instead, allow yourself to be angry, sad, frustrated, and anything else that you feel like. This is the first step of healing, and it can be painful, but you need to fight through it.
Don’t wait for the perfect closure
Because you probably won’t have it, and that’s okay too. If you’ve gone through a toxic and traumatic relationship, there’s little chance for your ex to be understanding and wanting to do things “the right way” and apologize for how they’ve treated you. If they were capable of this, you probably would still be together. So forget about it and move on.
Go no-contact
Follow the no-contact rule religiously. Seriously. There is no reason why you’d want to stay in touch with someone toxic unless you have a kid together of course. Also, if you co-own property or a business, there might still be a need to keep in touch, but then you’d need to establish solid boundaries. Despite what you might think or they might say at the moment, you really don’t need to stay friends and all that. They weren’t able to treat you decently when you were dating, so what makes you think they’ll be a good candidate for a friend? This is a trick that many use to manipulate their vulnerable ex-partner to have sex with them or ask for favors. Staying in touch is a very slippery slope, and it’s not worth it.
Surround yourself with loving and supportive people
Post-breakup is the time when you should be around your friends and family, and anyone who makes you feel safe and secure. It’s possible that you’ve dropped the ball with your friendships lately, which is very typical for abusive and toxic relationships. Work on reconnecting with your inner circle and make it up to them. You’ll feel much better in the process too.
Focus on real self-care
On social media, you can find tons of images, videos, and tutorials for the best self-care routines. Definitely draw inspiration from them, but just remember that taking a bath and buying yourself a smoothie is not the only self-care that’s out there. The real self-care routine might be rather ugly and not aesthetic at all, but it’s the one you really need. For example, going to therapy and working through the tough issues, saying no to spending, and starting to budget to get yourself out of financial trouble (which could have kept you in the relationship to begin with, as you were financially unstable and unable to leave), or cleaning up the kitchen that’s been a mess for weeks.
Be kind to yourself
While we recommend you to be tough on yourself sometimes when it comes to self-care, it’s also equally important to stay kind to your soul that’s just gone through a rough period. After all, forgiving yourself and praising yourself for everything you’ve been through is vital to moving on and healing inside and out.
What comes next after healing from a toxic relationship?
If you’re ready to get out there again, consider dating online first and starting a few dating chats with potential candidates to feel the waters. By all means, go on dates and start new relationships soon after your healing journey if you’re ready.
However, you might benefit from adopting the slow dating approach and not rushing things with your new crushes. You might be strong and feel like you’ve healed completely, but there is a chance that you’re still a little vulnerable. Taking things slow will help you avoid falling into another codependent relationship or getting hurt in some other ways.
There is a lot of power in staying single for a while, even if you’re no longer hurt by the past relationship. You get to rediscover yourself once again and learn new things through hobbies, catching up with friends, or simply having a bit more tranquillity in your life.
In any case, the choice is yours. You got this!
