What is Ghosting and How to Deal with It

What is ghosting?

The meaning of the term ghosting can vary slightly, but the definition that’s universally accepted is that ghosting is abruptly cutting off all communication with someone you’ve been romantically involved with. For example, if you’ve sent a message to your crush in the dating chat, and they leave you on read for weeks. If this happens, you’ve probably been ghosted by them. And they’re not likely to ever reply or be back in your life, except by accident. 

Ghosting is a relatively new term that’s been out there for only a couple of decades but has become very popular in pop culture and modern dating. Being ghosted is usually painful and embarrassing, and leads to the ghosted person questioning whether they’ve done something wrong or are not good enough.  

Signs you’re being ghosted with examples

Let’s go through the main signs of being ghosted by someone. 

1. You can’t get a response out of them. Pretty obvious, we know. The very first sign of being ghosted is when you’re calling, sending texts, and even stepping by their apartment, but they’re on complete radio silent. 
2. You can see that the person is regularly online, like on WhatsApp or Facebook, so they’re fully capable of responding, they just choose not to. 
3. If they do respond, their texts are brief and you can tell they’re trying to have you off their back. For example, you ask them how their week went and suggest you could catch up sometime, and they simply respond with “Yeah, it’s been pretty hectic”. 
4. They’ve removed you from friends or unfollowed you on social media without any explanation or you doing something to piss them off. 

Another sign is your gut feeling. Yes, it’s not very scientific, but a lot of the time our intuition is perfectly capable of telling us when something is wrong. If you feel that this person is being vague and strange, and your relationship is taking a wrong turn, it’s all probably true. 

When can no contact be considered ghosting?

In the busy world of today, how long is considered ghosting? Is it days? Is it weeks? 

A lot depends on the type or the relationship you’re in. If you both are into mindful dating where you’re doing it to find a long-term partner, then not getting a response for a day or two can already be considered ghosting. But if you’re casually hooking up and seeing each other every once in a while, then not getting a response to a text for a week or longer might be normal, especially if you’re doing the same. Also, a lot depends on the standard communication style. A guy who usually responds within a few minutes going silent for days might be up to something.

Lastly, look at what texts you’ve sent or how many times you called. If your texts were random and more FYI than expecting an answer, or if you’ve been sharing memes and TikTok videos, then not getting a response is kind of anticipated. Yet, if you’ve been asking real questions and asking them to get back to you but with no luck, then they’re probably ghosting you, no matter if it’s been a day or a week. 

Why are people ghosting each other?

Uff, isn’t that a million-dollar question! There are so many reasons why a person would ghost someone:

1. Conflict avoidance: they don’t like you that much and are afraid to say it openly.
2. Dating is not a priority right now, so they don’t bother with responses. 
3. They treat their romances like hookups and don’t feel like they have to explain anything or respond to people because that’s how they see casual dating due to their values or taught behavior from previous experiences. 
4. They’re afraid of commitment and would rather ghost than have to face making a decision. 
5. Something major happened in their life, maybe a sick relative, a death, or another kind of crisis situation.
6. They’re getting serious with someone else and start ignoring other relationship candidates. 
7. They can also be in a relationship with someone else and use you to cheat for a while (we know, it’s horrible, but it happens). 
8. Low self-esteem and insecurities make them ghost you before you can ghost them or tell them you’re not interested. They’d rather sabotage the relationship than risk hearing that they’re not enough. 

When you are ghosting someone

If you’re thinking of ghosting someone or are already doing it right now, consider that ghosting is very confusing and hurtful to the other person. Unless you have a good reason to give them this kind of treatment, try reaching out and telling them it’s over. 

Why choosing against ghosting is a good idea:

• It’s better for karma. You’ll eventually get the same treatment that you’ve exercised on other people. 
• You avoid their follow-ups and unnecessary drama. If the other person really likes you, chances are they might call and text repeatedly to find out what’s up, forcing you to decline or pretend you didn’t see them. It all takes a toll on your mental state and it’s just a lot of work for nothing. 
• There’s no need to avoid places you both like. Say you two have a coffee shop you both enjoy and go to every week. If you start ghosting the person then this coffee shop is off limits. That just adds unnecessary inconvenience to your life. 

Overall, ghosting is super disrespectful. It can be hard to call it quits with someone, so we understand why you would resort to ghosting. Still, it’s much better to just be honest, and end things decently. 

If you choose to ghost despite all the points we’ve just listed, know that it’s not ideal but understandable. Is ghosting bad? Yep, but it’s not the most vile thing you could ever do. Sometimes life isn’t perfect and we do things we’re not particularly proud of. As long as we learn from our mistakes, it’ll be okay, 

And if you’ve ghosted someone by accident, don’t be afraid to reach out, apologize, and take it from there. The person will probably be very relieved and happy to hear from you. Just don’t break their trust by ghosting them over and over again. 

You’ve been ghosted. What’s next?

Being ghosted is not the best feeling in the world, but maybe it’s not as bad as we think it is. Hear us out on this one. The person who’s ghosted you is actually doing you a favor. They’ve shown you that they’re not really interested, and although it’s unfortunate, they saved a lot of your time. 

Imagine if they dragged your romance for weeks and months, knowing deep down that they’re not really into you. By the time they finally make up their mind and decide to call it quits, you’ll probably be fully in love. So instead of feeling sad or worrying about what made them ghost you, – move on with your life. 

We know it’s easier said than done, but the truth is your perfect match is out there, waiting for you to put yourself out there again. Try dating online, or go out with friends and meet people in person, so your match can find you. 

We hope you know you’re worth all the best things in the world! Here are a few final tips on how to respond to ghosting in dating: 

• Think of your boundaries and expectations for the future. Next time you’re diving into online dating and log on to dating websites or apps, add info in your bio or mention it in chats. Think of how often you expect to meet up, how long is it acceptable for the person to not respond, etc. This might come across as a little intense, but if communicated gently and not as an ultimatum, you’ll most probably be heard and your wishes respected. 
• Speaking of coming across as intense – if you’re up for one final reach-out, you can send an ultimatum via text where you’d say that if they don’t respond or show up until a certain day, they don’t need to bother and you’ll assume it’s over. The Once team would probably prefer to just leave it and not drag the situation anymore, but if you’re really into them – shoot your shot! Some people are worth fighting for, even if they’re being jerks right now. And who knows, maybe they’re not ghosting just busy right now with something spectacular? Like a new music album or something else that consumes them completely.
• Do NOT blame yourself. God knows why the person ghosted you. There are literally thousands of reasons out there, and none of them is about you. Ghosting is not only immature but also rude. How long does it take to send a message or give a call and say you’re not interested? Exactly, only a few minutes. They could have easily done it if they weren’t selfish and lowkey narcissists.
• Skip the self-destructive tools to numb the pain and embarrassment. Skip drinking, smoking, binge eating, and other toxic ways to get over something negative in your life. We know, we know, it’s easy to say but much harder to implement. However, you’ll already make progress if you acknowledge that what you’re about to do is perhaps not the best idea. Instead, hang out with friends, visit family if you’re close, sign up for a fitness challenge or a language course, or something along those lines. 
• Get back out there. Don’t start dating right away if your heart is broken, but go out with a slow dating mindset to meet other crushes and find someone to have fun with. There are so many people who are worth our time and attention, don’t waste your days worrying about someone undeserving of you.