You’re Falling Out of Love: the Signs and Your Next Steps
You’re not sure what it is, but there’s less spark, more nagging, and you’re definitely more excited about things that used to be than looking forward to the future. Perhaps, it’s simply a matter of you adjusting to the new relationship stage, now that the honeymoon phase is over. Or you’re simply falling out of love.
What does falling out of love feel like?
Bear in mind that falling in love and falling out of love is uniquely subjective to every individual. What feels like falling out of love for us will be inapplicable to your experience. Some really take the time, and fall out of love during months, while others realize it quickly within days with no turning back. Most of the people, however, report growing tiredness from their partner, and the feeling that interacting with them becomes a chore or a mundane task.
Signs you are falling out of love
If you catch yourself wondering “Am I falling out of love?”, the signs below will help clear your suspicions. And for the record, if any of these signs match how you feel – there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty. Take this as an opportunity to reflect on your partnership, figure out why you’re feeling a certain way, and think of your next steps.
#1 You’re fixating on the negative sides and flaws of your partner
None of us is perfect, and even the best lovers will have something about them that drives us nuts. That’s normal. What’s less normal and more like a sign of upcoming trouble, is when you can’t let go of the differences and flaws of your partner to a point where it affects your relationship.
And if you’re not only thinking about the flaws, but also keep on actively criticizing them, expressing your disappointment, or saying insulting things about their character, then it’s not only cruel, but also a sign that you’re no longer in love with them, or at least not like you used to be.
#2 Spending time together feels like a chore
When you have strong feelings for someone, all you want to do is be with them, talk to them, share moments with them. If it’s been a while since you felt like it, and especially if the thought of hanging out with them irritates you, then you might not have the same feelings for them you once did.
Tip: It’s perfectly healthy to want to spend time alone, with friends or family, and not with your partner. We all need space sometimes. But if you find yourself constantly wanting to be anywhere with anyone but your partner, then that’s a whole different story.
#3 You see no point in arguing anymore
One of the biggest signs that the person are losing their feelings for someone is when they don’t bother about fighting anymore. Working through anger, disappointment, and any issues you might have is a part of being in a relationship. Nobody likes to fight, but sometimes it’s inevitable if you want to sort something out.
When someone is losing interest, especially women, they often grow indifferent and uninterested in working through the problems. A lot of the time it’s the direct result of trying to work something out one too many times, but it can also be purely because they’re no longer in love.
#4 You don’t feel like sharing with them
Emotional intimacy is a big part of a loving relationship. Our boyfriends, girlfriends, and spouses are the people we usually open up to when something good or bad happens, when we have nagging thoughts, ideas, and dreams. If you notice that your desire to share with them is growing smaller and smaller, this can mean that you’re no longer feeling safe with them, or they’re just no longer a big enough part of your life to make you want to share something with them.
#5 Your thoughts about the future don’t involve “we” anymore
Being fully immersed in each others’ lives and having no personal goals or aspirations going on is not good. But the direct opposite is not good either. There needs to be a healthy balance where you two are in each others’ future plans and general life picture. A clear sign that you’re falling out of love would be if you stop considering your partner when dreaming and imagining what your life will be like in 1-5-10 years.
How to stop falling out of love
If the other person is too dear to your heart, and you’re not ready to let them go, there are tricks you can attempt to bring back the fireworks. There’s no guarantee that it will work, but it’s worth trying.
- Prepare for it to be a lengthy process. Falling in love may be instant, but falling back in love after a bit of turmoil is a complex process that will take time.
- Do some deep inner work. If you have a therapist – ask them to help you navigate this situation. If you don’t have a licensed professional at your disposal, try looking back at your relationship objectively and spot what factors contributed to the change of heart. Don’t forget to include the factors that you’ve created or affected. For example, if you’ve been ignoring your partner and experimenting with dating others and having a dating chat with a hottie going at all times, then you’re definitely part of the reason your love is declining. Our actions, words, and thoughts have just as much impact on how we feel about others, as the behavior of others.
- Change things up. Once you know what dynamics are harming your partnership and your role in it, it’s time to break old habits. Aim to give up the unhealthy patterns that you’re exhibiting, and don’t worry if it doesn’t go perfectly from the start, just keep trying.
- Look at all the things your partner does that annoy you or things that they don’t do but you wish they were. Then, look in the mirror and analyze if you’re doing the same or delivering the good parts that you expect from others. For example, if your love language is an act of service, but your partner rarely does anything for you, see if you’re doing it or not. For example, you can help them out with this work task they’ve been struggling with. Or perhaps you can fix their car that they’re meaning to do but can’t find the time. Do more of what you expect others to do for you.
- Make your relationship a priority. No, you can’t come home and work on this report for 3 hours before going to bed. You need to spend this time with your partner instead. Take them on a walk after dinner, watch a movie together, go out to a random master class of pottery or painting, or anything else that’s available in your area. Plan things ahead for the two of you and really make those plans come to life. Oh, and put your phones down (ideally far away) when you’re having a conversation.
- Don’t force the process. Bringing your love from the dead is tough but possible, but there is a fine line between trying authentically and forcing it to a point where it feels manufactured.
Can you rekindle the feeling of love?
There are many real-life examples where couples were able to reignite the spark and fall back in love with each other again. Some took it to couples therapy, others tried slow dating to change things up. Whatever method you’re going to use, know that anything is possible, but you’d need to be patient and be prepared to fight for the relationship.
And if you realize that this love you have now is really fading away, and there is not much hope to bring it back to life, then maybe it’s meant to be this way. Don’t beat yourself up too much about it. After all, there’s only so much we can control about our feelings. Give yourself the time to process what just happened, take care of yourself, and spend some alone time. Then, once you’re ready to go out there again, download the Once app for dating online and find a perfect match for casual fun, mindful dating, or whatever it is that you’re looking for at the moment.
Don’t stay in the relationship out of guilt
If you know you no longer love the person you’re with, don’t push yourself to save the relationship. You might think it’s a good idea and that you’ll save them from heartbreak, and, maybe, you’ll change your mind if you just stick with them. We’re not saying it’s impossible, but 9 times out of 10 that only makes you both miserable. Eventually, you start to resent the person you’re with for making the sacrifice that you’ve made, and this will turn into passive aggression, fights, and a lot of negativity. Plus, you might fall in love with someone else one day, and it will be very difficult to cut the knot then.
Listen to what your heart tells you. If you’re not in love, find a way to gently let your partner know and move on, so you both can be happy with someone else.
