Needs in a Relationship – Emotional, Physical & Basic Needs

Needs in a Relationship – Emotional, Physical & Essential Aspects

Romantic relationships are not just cuddling, having sex, and asking each other what you want for dinner. On-going relationships require a bit of effort to flourish.

Both partners’ wants and needs in a relationship have to be accounted for and met in order for them to feel safe and happy in the romance. Recognizing and addressing basic needs in a relationship is the key to long-term compatibility and a balanced and healthy dynamic.

If you’re not sure what yours or your partners’ needs can be or simply want to learn more about the topic, then keep on reading our guide on needs in a relationship.

Relationship Needs – Why They Matter

Every person has certain needs in life, and once they get with someone and start dating, they also have relationship needs.

Catering to those needs (unless they’re toxic and obnoxious) is a way to shape emotional connection, and the sense of security, and deepen your bond. Understanding what’s important to your partner and making sure they get that is the shortcut to building trust and happiness.

Doing the opposite, i.e., ignoring someone’s basic relationship needs or ridiculing them for having those needs will result in dissatisfaction, feelings of loneliness in the relationship, and resentment. It will also possibly lead to cheating and a breakup.

What Are Needs in a Relationship?

We could make a long list of relationship needs that different people have, but basically, there are two key categories that all relationship needs fall under:

Emotional needs in a relationship include feeling loved and cared for, getting honesty from the partner, being supported during tough times, sharing key values and life goals, and respecting each other no matter what, even when you’re fighting.
Physical needs. What are physical needs in a romance? The core ones are affection, such as being hugged and kissed, sexual intimacy, being physically close to someone (that’s why so many long-distance love stories end), feeling good physically with the partner, and spending quality time with them.

Emotional Needs in a Relationship – Key Factors for Stability

Let’s look a bit closer at the emotional needs in a relationship.

What Are Emotional Needs in a Relationship?

Those would be slightly different for every person, but overall emotional needs are any psychological requirements that people may have in order to feel secure, valued, and fulfilled with their partner. Those are the needs that make you feel good on your own and be more confident in your relationship.

The list of emotional needs includes:

Feeling loved and appreciated
Being able to rely on your partner
Trusting your lover
Having open and honest conversations
Being able to vent to someone
Feeling respected at all times
Feeling valued just for who you are

Also, sharing goals, interests, values, and plans is very important in terms of emotional needs. When your ideal future clashes with things your partner has planned out for themselves, fights, misunderstandings, and conflicts are inevitable.

It is also super stressful to be with someone when you know they’re looking for completely different things than you are. It makes you stressed, anxious, resentful, and simply unhappy, and it’s tiring for the soul.

How to Communicate Your Emotional Needs

Talking about your needs can be uncomfortable, especially if you’re naturally shy or come from an upbringing where feelings, emotions, and needs weren’t given the spotlight they deserve.

Here are a few tips for talking about the things you need in a relationship.

Start by understanding your needs. Take the time to think about them, make a list, wait a bit to see if you maybe forgot something that should be added.
Find the right time to have this conversation, ideally when you’re both relaxed, have a lot of time on your hands, and there’s a private space you can talk in without being overheard.
Lead with your feelings and emotions. Start with “I”, for example, “I want to spend quality time with you every day, even for a little bit”.
Be direct and polite, don’t start with riddles or being vague, and also pace yourself, so the partner doesn’t feel overwhelmed or attacked.
Ask your partner to share their needs as well. The more you know about them, the better you can cater to their needs.
Encourage open dialogue between both parties and balance out listening and talking.
Be patient, the other person might not react as you’ve expected or they might need more time to process everything you’re saying.

As you approach the end of the discussion, come up with conclusions and next steps. Okay, you’ve uncovered each other’s needs, but now what? Don’t waste all this talk and put it to good use.

Think of activities you can add or change, words and phrases you can start using or refrain from. Agree on making small but consistent steps to improve your relationship.

Physical & Basic Needs in a Relationship

Emotional needs are absolutely crucial for sustainable, healthy, and long-term relationships. However, we shouldn’t forget about physical needs too.

What Are Physical Needs?

When we’re talking about physical needs in a relationship we don’t just mean sex and intimacy, but also the physical well-being and feeling safe, protected, and respected with your partner.

Here’s a quick list of physical needs in a relationship:

Being hugged, touched, kissed, cuddled, i.e., getting physical affection from your partner.
Fulfilling your sexual needs, and ideally having them aligned with your partner, so there’s no misunderstanding or unhappiness.
Spending quality time together, such as doing things with just the two of you, with no smartphones, friends, or family members by your side.
Having your own personal space to relax, decompress, and just unwind.
Experiencing acts of service where your partner takes on part of the tasks and chores, and helps you by providing care and reducing your stress.

Sadly, we don’t always get all those physical needs met in a relationship, but it’s definitely possible and there are loving partners out there who will take good care of you. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking you can’t have it all!

Basic Relationship Needs – The Foundation of a Strong Bond

Before all relationship needs come the absolute basics. Those basics are unconditional and must be present in any relationship.

Tip: If you want to find a partner who will prioritize and cherish your needs, look for them in places where singles with certain relationship goals are. For instance, choose a mindful dating site instead of an app that’s all about one-night stands.

So what are those basic needs that everyone needs to put on their must-have relationship list?

Trusting you and you having trust in them
Being open and honest about whatever that is going on
Having unconditional respect towards each other and acting decent even when you’re upset
Being there when your partner is struggling and thriving, and supporting them sincerely through any life situation
Spending quality time together where you don’t just stare at your phones while in the same space
Sharing major goals and values so your relationship has a future
Being physically intimate whether it’s sex or simple cuddling

How to Identify & Address Needs in a Relationship

Sometimes we have unmet needs that neither us or our partner even knows about. It doesn’t happen because either of us is bad, but rather because we just can’t articulate things or were conditioned differently by previous experiences.

If you’d like to identify your needs, start by:

Doing a little self-reflection session where you take time to think through what makes you feel valued and secure and what’s causing your anxiety and stress in a relationship.
Try to remember the common triggers and the moments where you would get upset or feel disconnected from your partner.

Once you know what your main relationship needs are, it’s time to address them! Here’s how to do it:

Talk to your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns in a calm manner without blaming them.
Look for compromises together. How can your needs be met without negatively affecting your partner?
Agree on regular check-ins and other next steps. Just talking through those topics is already productive and helpful, but those kinds of things need to be tracked and monitored, otherwise, it’s easy to slip back into the old ways.

Wants vs. Needs in a Relationship – Understanding the Difference

When it comes to needs and wants in a relationship, they’re sometimes intertwined, but usually are different.

Needs are foundational, and they’re covering the core elements of a healthy relationship, such as being respected and cared for, and having a partner who is able to process their feelings and communicate them effectively.

Wants are also important but they’re personal preferences and not the foundational stuff that is essential for the relationship’s survival. Those include having shared hobbies, financial habit expectations, or love languages that the partner expresses their feelings with.

Having your wants met in a romantic relationship is something that definitely makes the dating experience better, keeps you happier, and enhances your partnership. However, those are nice-to-haves, not an absolute must.

A great way to separate a want from a need is to look at it and decide whether or not the lack of it is a deal breaker for you.

Answering Common Questions About Relationship Needs

What are the most important needs in a relationship?

The most common relationship needs are physical and emotional. Emotional needs include things, such as feeling heard by the partner and them supporting you during the tough time and having your values and relationship goals aligned. Physical needs include the need for affection, sexual intimacy, and feeling safe and relaxed by your partner’s side.

Can a relationship survive if emotional needs aren’t met?

The relationship can go on for as long as the partner is willing to tolerate the lack of care and the disrespect. Unfortunately, sometimes we get stuck in bad romantic situations and getting out is hard. That’s why relationships with no emotional support can go on for months and years, but it’s not going to be a happy and sustainable relationship. The person who’s not getting their emotional needs met will likely be left with trauma or severe damage to their self-esteem and confidence.

How do I talk to my partner about my needs?

Talking about feelings should be easy with your partner. In theory. Yet, it can be weird and awkward sometimes, but you can do it, trust us! Think about what bothers you before you start the talk, then approach them when you have enough time to thoroughly discuss everything. Try not to be accusative or make them feel attacked. At the same time, don’t downplay your feelings. Also, be direct and try to get to the point sooner, or else you risk having your partner all confused, and that conversation won’t be productive.