Introduction to Emotional Intimacy

So today, the Once team is going to explore the term emotional intimacy, in hopes of helping all of us fully comprehend its definition, what it entails, and how to build and grow it in your romantic relationship. 

What is emotional intimacy?

Emotional intimacy is something that’s hard to qualify and quantify, but you’ll probably know it when you see it. Couples with developed emotional intimacy feel loved and secure in their relationships. They’re able to share their most intimate ideas, thoughts, and fears, and they trust that the other person will (try to) understand them and not ridicule their views, beliefs, and values. 

Emotional intimacy is profound, it’s not something you can build over a dating chat, but rather it slowly grows over time as the partners experience life together. It is also something that a lot more men seem to struggle with compared to women. Yet, anyone can be good and bad with expressing their emotions and building a meaningful connection.

This is not an exhaustive list, but the key aspects of emotional intimacy include:

• Vulnerability – both partners need to be willing to be vulnerable in front of one another, and they have to be authentic and supportive. 
• Trust – pretty self-explanatory, you can’t possibly be spiritually and emotionally intimate with someone if you don’t trust each other. 
• Empathy – it’s almost like the glue for the entire concept of emotional intimacy. Showing empathy to your lover, especially when it’s hard, is paramount to mindful dating. 
• Communication – there’s no way around it kids! Establishing and supporting healthy communication will foster a deep sense of closeness between the two (or more) partners. 

Emotional intimacy takes time to form, but it’s really worth it. You probably have more chances of building it if you follow the slow dating principles where you take the time to know the partner and teach them about yourself. However, any couple can (and, we’re hoping, will) develop a strong emotional intimacy that will enrich their romance. 

Examples of emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy comes in many shapes and forms. We’ve compiled a list of signs and examples of what emotional intimacy looks like for your reference, but don’t feel bad if you don’t experience all of them in a relationship. 

1. Making the time to hang out, have meaningful conversations, and pay full attention to one another, even if you both live super busy lives. 
2. Expressing affection through one or several of the love languages – touch, acts of kindness, affirmations, etc. Even simple things, like saying “I love you” or “I worry about you” paired with a hug will signal emotional intimacy. 
3. Sharing each other’s life experiences (grand but also daily and mundane) and validating each other’s feelings. 
4. Talking about the bad stuff instead of sweeping it under the rug. Traumas and unpleasant experiences are not fun to discuss, but a couple with strong emotional intimacy should be able to do that. 
5. Supporting each other through tough times. Unfortunately, there’s a big chance of you going through something rough together. Sickness, death, layoffs, or something else might come around. And if it does, an emotionally intimate partner will stay there to offer help and whatever else is required to go through it. They don’t distance themselves or ghost you until things are back to normal. 
6. Being curious about what’s on your partner’s mind and what’s going on in their lives. 
7. Wanting to try and experience new things together, even if it’s not something you’d typically be interested in.
8. Having a fun time together. Laughing on inside jokes, doing goofy things, playing around – all those things will show you that your relationship includes emotional intimacy, among other things. 

Overall, emotional intimacy is all about feeling heard and seen in a relationship or in marriage, validating one another’s feelings, and providing emotional support when one of you needs it. 

How the lack of emotional intimacy affects your relationships

Lack of emotional intimacy in relationships is bad. Granted, if you’re not casually dating online and meeting people for hookups, but even then having some sort of intimacy besides the physical intimacy would be great.

But why exactly having no emotional intimacy is so bad? Well, for starters, here is what it will do to the couple over time: 

• Loneliness and disconnection from the partner 
• Dissatisfaction with the relationship
• Breakdown in communication where it becomes strained and superficial 
• Unfulfillment of emotional needs
• Loss of physical intimacy and sexual attraction to each other 
• Overall stress and pressure on mental health

That’s quite a list, huh? Unfortunately, relationships without emotional intimacy tend to break up. And those that survive without emotional intimacy are rarely a joy to be a part of. 

How to build emotional intimacy in relationships

So, if you found your perfect match and want to make sure you guys grow old together? Perfect! Our tips will help you create a trustful and strong relationship. 

Emotional intimacy can be cultivated through different formats and interactions, behaviors, and expressions of love. Here is what you can do to cultivate it:

1. Go offline when you’re together. Even if you’re doing a casual Netflix-and-chill, try to put your phones away and enjoy the silly show together. If it gets boring or you just feel the urge to scroll – kiss and hug your lover instead. 
2. Exercise emotional availability. Don’t be hostile to your partner when they open up and also try to open up yourself more. Even if it’s uncomfortable. 
3. Come up with cute rituals, like morning coffees before you both go to work or a long walk in the park every Saturday. This can be something you both will be looking forward to. 
4. Come up with a list of things to do together and make it a challenge to cross them all off. 
5. Try couples therapy if you feel like you guys struggle with developing emotional intimacy. 

Final tip: take it slow. You can’t rush through the process, and there are no shortcuts to the finish line either. Emotional intimacy is important, and you will get there if both of you are willing to take the steps, and you’ll do it at your own speed.