You Might Be in a Delusionship. Here's How to Tell

Whether you’re on TikTok or not, you’ve probably heard about this new dating trend called delusionship. It’s not an entirely new concept, but rather something familiar that’s acquired this fancy new name lately. 

What is a delusionship?

The meaning of a delusionship is pretty simple – it’s having feelings for and acting as if you’re already in a relationship with someone you barely know or do not know at all. 

For example, you can be in a delusionship with a cute barista in a coffee shop next to your office. You come there every morning, you have a cute chat, and you walk away. For the barista, it was one of the many small talks during the day, but for you, it feels like a date and a sign they like you. If you’re dating online, the delusionship can happen with someone you’ve matched but haven’t spoken with or chatted with yet. You see their profile picture, and their bio, and imagine how well you guys fit together.

Signs you are in a delusionship

If you’re not sure where you stand on the delulu spectrum, here are the signs to help you understand your situation. 

1. You fantasize about a life with someone even though you’ve not been out yet one time. 
2. You say No to other dates because you feel like you’re reserved for this perfect match, even though you guys never dated or talked about exclusivity. 
3. You convince yourself they’re secretly in love with you, but there are no objective signs of it.
4. You don’t know this person but you start to feel like you do.
5. Their past and present are pretty much a mystery to you, but you don’t care because you’re so focused on your future together. 
6. You’re disproportionately more interested and active in seeking contact than them. For example, you’re always the first to start a conversation in a dating chat. They respond when you text, but not too eagerly, and don’t seek to continue talking. 
7. They’re either actively dating others or they’re displaying interest in other people. 
8. You know they don’t want a relationship because they voiced it either to you or in conversations you’ve overheard. 

Delusionship vs situationship

Delusionship and situationship are inherently different. With a delusionship, there is really no romance yet. You’re not going out, you’re not doing slow dating, and you’ve likely never even talked yet. In a situationship, the couple is in an actual relationship which is toxic, but real nonetheless. In situationships, people go on dates, talk, have sex, and spend time together. With a delusionship this all happens too – but in your mind. 

Delusionship vs crushing 

Delusionship is basically having a crush on steroids. When you have a crush on someone, you fancy them and you think about what happens if and when you start dating. With a delusionship, it’s no longer a simple daydreaming, but a more obsessive thought process where you live through many scenarios in your head, you start to bestow certain qualities upon them and idealize this person you don’t really know. 

Both are okay, but with delusionship, there is a fine line, upon crossing which you risk developing a full-on obsession or failing to see the real person behind the fantasy that you’ve created. 

Is a delusionship bad? 

In theory, there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of fantasizing here and there. Daydreaming about someone you like is not a crime, and it can be innocent and fun. The major downside of this is that you can grow too attached to a fictional scenario and end up having your heart broken. It’s also possible that you’ll create an entire fan-fiction novel in your head about this person, and reality will hit you like a brick once you actually get to know them. 

How to get out of a delusionship

If you think that delulu is not the solulu, check out our tips below that’ll help you dodge the delusionship bullet. 

• Make a conscious decision to move on. If you’re in a delusionship big time, and there’s a risk it will affect your life negatively, you need to agree with yourself that it has to stop. It’s important to come to this conclusion and decide that it is what you’ll be doing because delusionships can be indulging and nice, so you’ll need all your willpower to let it go. 
• Make two lists. One list with all the things you fantasize about, and the other one is only for facts. It will be extra helpful if you write it out on a piece of paper for extra visualization. You’ll see how much of your “relationship” is made out of sand, and how much of it is real. This can be a very tough but eye-opening experience. 
• Remember your value. Part of the reason the Once team is such a pioneer of mindful dating is because it prioritizes a healthy approach to romance and respectful treatment of you as a person. You are worthy and deserving of a loving partner and a healthy relationship. Delusionships can, in theory, turn into something big and real, but often they don’t. And if you stick with it for way too long, you have all the chances of ruining your self-esteem and forgetting that you are your main priority. 
• Go out on real dates. We don’t suggest you start using other people as your therapy, but if you like someone besides your crush, it can be helpful to meet them for coffee or drinks. You’ll have a (hopefully) good time and see that there are real people out there, which can divert you from the fantasy world.