The "Your Dating Standards Are Too High" Myth We Are Telling Women, and Why It's Hurting Everyone (Yes, Even the Men)
To be fair, the call is often coming from inside the house, with many women that are ‘trapped’ in the relationships they’re not happy about making it their mission to force others to commit to relationships that don’t serve them, for example, by dating below their standards.
This is deeply problematic for many reasons, and today we’re going to explore the topic of dating standards and reflect on why there’s so much pressure on women in the dating world, and what we should do about it.
What are dating standards?
Dating standards are a set of values and expectations that a man or a woman sets for their potential partners. These standards, or criteria, are used as a guiding reference that we cross-check potential lovers against.
Everyone’s dating standards are different, and they’re heavily influenced by the environment and the culture we grew up in, but also by our friends and what we see in the pop culture around us.
You can have a dating standard for anything – a personality trait, like ambition; an emotional quality, such as the ability to discuss one’s feelings openly; physical things, such as compatibility in the bedroom; and more.
Where is this pressure to lower dating standards coming from?
We are still far from complete equality of sexes, but it’s fair to say that women in the US feel pretty comfortable. We’ll not go into the rights over bodily autonomy, although it is all linked with dating standards and how more women are choosing to be single and child-free.
In general, a woman in the States doesn’t need a man to survive. Women can work, open bank accounts and invest, purchase property, take care of the kids, and get medical help, all without needing assistance or guidance from their male partners.
At the same time, countless studies and questionnaires have identified that single childless women are the happiest demographic.
Additionally, women tend to have stronger bonds with more friends, and their sense of community is often stronger than that of their male counterparts. This means that if a woman gets sick, laid off, or is simply stressed over something in her life, she’s much more likely to get mental support than a man.
On the other side, we have men, who have fewer friends and weaker bonds, who often suffer from loneliness, many of whom do not have hobbies outside of work, and they also can’t perform basic house chores, such as vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, or cooking for themselves. Surely, not all men are like that, but there are enough of them.
Naturally, as getting into a relationship and marrying a man is no longer required for female survival, more women start to wonder whether they should date or not. With romantic relationships being no longer a necessity but a treat, women start to look closer at the prospects they’re dealing with and say No to dating unless they find a perfect match. Also, women who choose to continue dating aren’t in a rush to lock the partnership with a ring, especially women with strong careers and enough assets of their own. That’s why slow dating is on the rise, as many women aren’t eager to take their relationships to the next stage.
As you can imagine, men find this trend problematic. Someone who can’t rely on a strong network of friends, and was raised with a mentality that women will be fighting for them, and take care of all the mental load and the majority of household chores, would obviously not be happy that they’re no longer a hot commodity.
With the whole new genre on the internet of men going on interviews and talking to each other about women forgetting their place and needing to submit, and all that, the male population is slowly persuaded that it’s women who are the problem. Women don’t want to date them because of some silly ideas they have in their heads. And no, the real reason is not that men have little to offer.
As a result, we have these endless calls for women to lower their standards, so more men can find comfort and have their partner improve their quality of life.
I am the table: why women should have high dating standards
Since the beginning of time, women are expected to be humble and humbled by force. Thanks to feminism and the natural evolution of society, there’s been a lot of progress in that area over the past decades. Still, there is a long way to go, and keeping your dating standards high is a less obvious way for women to fight for their rights, equality, and fair treatment.
As more women are freed from societal expectations and choose their happiness instead, this continues to trigger men who believe it’s their God-given right to have a loving girlfriend or wife with a traditional outlook on dating.
And while there are ladies out there who happily accept the lives of tradwifes, and there is nothing wrong with that, we need to continue to push for high dating standards for women.
There are several reasons why it’s important:
- Women deserve to be with someone who is just as good as them, if not better. Full stop.
- High standards push women to choose safety, whether emotional or physical. Women with low self-esteem and those who don’t believe they deserve the best often end up in abusive relationships that hurt them long term.
- Higher standards translate into more successful relationships. If you choose your partner carefully, you have a better chance of building a strong bond and emotional intimacy which, in turn, makes you better partners for each other and helps you navigate difficult life periods more gracefully.
- Growing together. Having high standards for each other motivates partners to improve themselves, learn new things, and become better versions of themselves. That’s a great win-win if you ask the Once team!
- No regrets. If you lower your standards and start dating someone who’s not really your number one choice, this makes you regretful and resentful. You risk hating your partner and the life you’ve built together. This often leads to more stress, anxiety, and even depression.
Every relationship is different, but if we’re being completely honest, women tend to bring much more to the table than men on average. While men are expected to work and generate income, and maybe repair the car or a sink once every few years, women are often given the responsibility of a large list of daily tasks that they take care of, such as helping everyone pack and get ready to work, clean, cook, watch the kids, and work outside of home too.
On top of that, many women provide far more emotional support than they receive, and they’re expected to make compromises and sacrifices, while men aren’t.
The disparity is rather clear, and what we can all do, as a society, is get off the women’s backs, and start focusing on men. Not all men, but many of them could use some healthy reality check and tough love. Coming into the relationship with only mediocre sex skills and emotional unavailability is no longer cutting it. Women have a taste of that sweet single life or a life with a truly great partner, and we should not ask them to go back.
Men aren’t just competing with other men anymore. They are competing with the inner peace, comfort, and happy life that women manage to build for themselves.
Instead of asking someone to lower their standards, men should be eager to step up and be a better version of themselves.
How do you know if your dating standards are really too high?
With all the external pressure and the inner critic, you might ask yourself – are my dating standards too high? And honestly, sometimes the answer is yes. If you’re worried that delulu is no longer the solulu for you, here is how to spot the discrepancy in your dating standards versus what you have to offer on the dating market.
- You’re expecting perfection on all fronts.
- You’re focused on superficial or unrealistic traits (such as them having the looks of a supermodel or being a billionaire).
- First impressions, no matter how brief, are enough for you to dismiss someone.
- You want them to compromise, but you are never doing that yourself.
Having high dating standards is healthy and good, but if you’re ruthlessly blocking every dating chat over any little thing, and there is a clear pattern of your dating online, such as rejecting multiple candidates over the same things, it could mean that your dating standards are just a bit too high.
What men can do to meet the new dating standards
We could give endless recommendations here, but the main thing we can say to any man looking to better themselves is to focus on their life and self-improvement. Taking care of mental health, breaking toxic habits, learning new skills, being a functioning adult who’s able to do things without being reminded to do so, picking up hobbies, – all these basic things are absolutely critical to keeping up with the new standards for dating.
Women aren’t really interested in superficial things, such as height and looks. Yes, they matter somewhat, but you’ll attract women with much more ease if you show your emotional intelligence and self-sufficiency, and demonstrate that you’re looking for an equal partner who you can share everything with.
Lastly, men can lean into the approach to dating that is often considered to be women’s preference – mindful dating. Know why you’re dating, treat your partners with respect, and be a decent human being. Just as we’ve mentioned earlier – lots of women would rather be single today than date someone who breaks their heart, sucks them into a situationship, and shows no loyalty.
Treating others how you want to be treated is something we all know, but do not always use in our lives. And it is, in fact, a shortcut to many women’s hearts that men are so actively looking for.
