Dating a Coworker: Is It Worth It?

Dating a Coworker: Is It Worth It?

Dating someone at work can be fun, and can make coming to the office an actually enjoyable experience, at least for some time. But should you really go for it? Considering how many couples break up, dating a colleague may not be it, especially if you’re not ready to leave the job if things turn ugly. 

Let’s explore the world of dating a coworker together and identify if it’s really worth it in the end. 

What does dating a coworker mean?

Dating a coworker is pretty much the same as dating anyone else. Going on dates, dating online, flirting in the dating chat, or the corporate messenger in this case, having sex, moving in together – all those typical romantic steps and milestones, but also while you’re sharing an employer. 

How to start dating a coworker

If there is this person you really fancy, but your relationship so far is strictly professional, there are ways to change that. Here’s what you can do.

1. Read the company's policy. Before you do anything, make sure you won’t be putting your employment in jeopardy. 
2. Evaluate the situation. Do they really like you, or are they simply being polite and neutral? Watch out for body language and how often they initiate conversations with you. 
3. Suggest a casual outing. Really listen to what they’re talking about, see what activities they’re interested in, and suggest doing that outside of the office. For instance, if they’re a huge coffee snob, offer them a coffee date in this new trendy third-wave coffee place that you can go to and choose whether it’s worth the hype or not. 
4. Share your feelings. If they agree to see you outside of the office, and you seem to get along, tell them how you feel. 
5. Reassure them about your maturity. Mention how an office romance can understandably be an issue, and help them see the emotional intelligence that will prevent you from making a scene should things go wrong. You’d probably not want to talk about negative scenarios right away, but it’s a huge stopper for many people. Work is important, and not many will want to risk it for a fling.

At that point, you’ll either be successful and have a new partner, or your coworker will back out. If the result is not to your satisfaction, make sure not to be bitter and refrain from passive aggression in work-related communication and collaboration. It will look bad, you’ll embarrass yourself, and you will regret it later. 

If your love interest agrees to start seeing you – great. Everyone on the Once team wishes your couple the best!  

Typical implications of dating a coworker

You probably know these already, but let’s go through all the potential implications of mixing business with pleasure.

1. You’ll be gossiped about, vigorously. 
2. Your performance may worsen as you struggle to focus on work. 
3. You can get demoted, transferred to a different department, or fired. 
4. You’ll feel more stressed from having to navigate your professional and love lives. 
5. Your work friends will fade away, as you’ll have no time or energy for them.
6. There might be jealousy, provoked or not. 
7. Your romance can take a toll as you’ll spend too little time apart, especially if you start living together.
8. Management might pass you on promotion out of potential risks associated with your couple breaking up. 

The do's and don’ts of dating a coworker

Here are the do’s of dating a coworker:

1. Really think about it and don’t jump the gun. You can’t ghost them and never see them again if you work for the same company.
2. Establish strict relationship boundaries to help you deal with difficult work situations and avoid scandals and tears at work, but also to help you both look professional and not risk your reputation. For instance, PDA is a no-no, even if your company is super laid-back. 
3. Go for slow dating, even if you seem to really like each other. You might change your mind in a month or two, and you’ll be thanking yourself later for not jumping the relationship milestones.  
4. Make sure there’s no reason to hate you at work. It’s not always fair, but people will assume all sorts of things once they learn that you’re dating a coworker. One of them is thinking that your work ethic will go down the drain. Don’t give them the satisfaction. 

And here are the don’ts of dating a coworker:

1. Don’t let the work and love life duo take over your life. Make sure you have friends that you neither work with, nor that are also friends of your partner. Spend some alone time regularly, and don’t give up on your hobbies. 
2. Don’t make your team uncomfortable. Spicy remarks, long sensual stares, sitting too close, etc – all that is weird to people around you. This isn’t high school. 
3. Don’t date your boss or subordinate. It’s weird, it’s messy, and it’s unethical. 
4. Don’t allow work to take over your relationship. Yes, you work together. Yes, you want to discuss it. But no, it’s not okay to only talk about projects and colleagues with your romantic partner. Leave some room for work-related chatter, but limit it to keep your relationship balanced and fresh. 
5. Don’t stick to this person just because you work together and it’ll be awkward if you separate. It’s more common than you think for colleagues to keep dating even when deal-breaking red flags come up or when their feelings have died down. It’s difficult to go through a breakup when you see this person every day, so many simply choose to stay together. Needless to say, such decisions tend to backfire in a major way.

Signs it's time to stop dating your coworker

What is your sign to stop dating a coworker? Things will come up that will hint it’s time to call things off. Some of them will be ignored because you don’t want to miss out on the work being exciting for once, whether the excitement is actually good or not. But there will always be signs. 

The biggest red flag is when you can’t focus on work at all. We’re not talking about the excitement and fun that you feel when you just start seeing someone, but rather an obsessive need to know what they’re doing and where they are every second. This can easily happen if you’re in a situationship or a similar unfortunate romantic arrangement. When you guys aren’t really committed to one another, every water cooler chat they have with a beautiful team member will feel threatening to your relationship. That’s not what you want or need at all, trust us. 

Another solid reason to stop dating is if one of you gets promoted to a management position and the other person becomes a subordinate. Not only is it illegal in many states, but unethical and unhealthy as well. This is the sort of power dynamic that can lead to many unfortunate results, especially if you end up separating.  

Can you get fired for dating a coworker? 

Yes, you can absolutely get fired for dating someone in your company. This can be stipulated by the state’s law or explicitly written in your company policy that you sign when you’re first hired. Even if you’re not legally prohibited from dating a coworker, it can still look bad if one of you reports to the other, and disciplinary action can be taken. 

Maintaining professionalism while dating a coworker 

Keeping things professional is a big part of mindful dating. Not only is it important for the two of you, but for the entire team. Your personal ups and downs can and will affect the workflow, and the last thing you need is to let the company and your team members down because you can’t contain your feelings. 

Here is what you can do to maintain professionalism while dating a coworker. 

1. Prioritize work during working hours. Whatever you two need to resolve can wait for when you’re off the clock. 
2. Have a chat with your partner about dealing with difficult situations. We’re all adults here, and it’s an adult thing to discuss the algorithm for when things go wrong. This will help avoid awkwardness and disagreements while you’re in the office. 
3. Beware of favoritism. Don’t let your personal feelings influence the feedback you give to your partner or the tasks you assign to them. Whenever possible, keep your two workflows separate. 
4. Be prepared to disclose your relationship if a conflict of interest or other ambiguous situation comes up. 

How to tell your boss you're dating a coworker?

If you’ve been dating your coworker secretly, then we have two major pieces of news for you. 

First –  there is a very good chance that everyone knows you’re dating. You may think you’re subtle and slick, but people around you can pick the change in energy between their coworkers very easily. This is especially true if you work from the office full time. You’re not fooling anyone, sorry. 

The second piece of news – you’ll need to tell your boss about this relationship at some point. Sure, if you’re only starting to see each other, and everything is super casual, you may choose to hold off the big conversation. However, it will need to happen at some point. 

And when the time comes, you should be prepared. Here is what we recommend. 

1. Refresh your memory about the company’s dating policy. It’s good to know whether there is a strict rule or a simple guideline with an emphasis on transparency. Knowledge is power, and it will make you more confident as you navigate the conversation. 
2. Find the right time in your boss’s calendar and book a meeting. Make sure you don’t squeeze it in between important calls or tasks, so the boss can focus on your situation without having to rush somewhere. 
3. Come to this meeting together. There are two of you in this relationship, so it’s worth bringing your partner along so you can ask and answer the questions together. 
4. Keep it professional and to the point. Your manager really doesn’t need the entire love story and how this person is your perfect match. Spare the details, and keep the conversation as work-focused as possible. 
5. Reassure your boss about your joint professionalism. You’d think this goes without saying, but it’s actually very important to voice your commitment to keeping this situation professional and minimizing the impact of your romance on the workplace.
6. Offer a solution. While you may not consider your relationship a problem, it is definitely a situation that requires a solution. Depending on your roles and the organization type, draft a plan for dealing with conflicts of interest and working on sensitive projects together. 

The most important thing is for you to go into this relationship soft launch prepared. Show your boss that you thought this over, and that you’re aware of potential implications and how your dating life can influence the workplace. Be calm, confident, and avoid making a big deal out of it.