How To Turn Dating After Divorce From Nightmares to Best Romances You’ve Ever Had
But no need to panic – dating after divorce can be fun too, and with our mindful dating tips, you’ll be able to find your perfect match in no time.
When to start dating after divorce
Making the decision on when to start dating is deeply personal, and only you know the right answer to that. A lot depends on how long your marriage was and how it ended. Some start dating while getting divorced and feel fine, others need to grieve and can’t even imagine doing on dating websites right after separating from their partner.
Below are some points that you can consider when estimating how soon you should get back in the field.
Are you healed emotionally?
Divorcing is hard, and it takes time to properly heal from the breakup and to get back on your feet. Listen to yourself and try to understand if seeing someone new, or even starting a dating chat with a stranger online is something you can handle. If not sure, better wait until you’re confident you’re really up for it.
The self-reflection journey
Looking back at and analyzing your failed relationship is probably not something you want to do fresh out of a divorce, but it will help you immensely with future romances to understand what went wrong and what could have been done differently. Perhaps you’ve missed the red flags early on? Or maybe you had your own red flags that your partner ignored? It’s not a pleasant exercise, but the Once team has done it before and we can vouch that it’s life-changing.
Children
Dating with kids is like an extra level of difficulty in a computer game. If you’re a parent, it’s best to consider how they might feel if you sign up on a dating app and start going out. It can seem unfair because it’s your romantic life after all, but ensuring kids feel safe and protected is an absolute priority.
Understanding your goals and intentions
Divorced dating often comes with challenges, so it’s best if you make your life easier and take the time to figure out your intentions and expectations from dating. Are you up for slow dating to ensure you’re a good match before jumping to the next steps? Or are you after casual fun and one-night stands? Practicing intentional dating will help you not get hurt and have a great time with your crushes. But to do that, you need to first figure out what it is that you want from dating.
Are you comfortable with the idea of dating someone new?
There’s absolutely no rush in getting back to the dating scene after you’ve divorced. So if the thought of going on dinners and meeting new people gives you anxiety rather than excitement, maybe hold off for now. If you’re not ready, you risk feeling miserable, even if your friends set you up with a hot date or you sign up on the best dating site with endless perfect matches.
So, how long should you wait to date after a divorce? There’s no timeline or a deadline, only you decide when is the right time to get back out there.
Challenges of dating after divorce
Dating after divorce comes with its challenges and disadvantages. Now, we don’t want to discourage you from trying to meet someone again, but it’s important that you get a full picture.
Here are the most common challenges that people face when dating divorced partners or being divorced themselves:
- Trust issues. Even if your marriage didn’t end because of cheating, many divorcees feel that trusting someone again is a challenge, especially if they’ve left the divorce with serious emotional baggage.
- Comparison. It’s hard not to compare your new lovers to your ex-husbands and wives. Some level of comparison is normal, but it can turn into an issue if it goes too far, regardless of whether the comparison is in your favor or not.
- Fear of rejection. Although it’s not fair, some people will end up with low self-esteem and fear that they will inevitably be rejected again. That’s why many of them choose not to date at all or start to date but have this issue loom over relationships, adding pressure for the new partner to always assure you they’re not leaving.
- Compatibility. After marriage, people end up with a much clearer understanding of what they want from a partner, especially if differences in views, lifestyle, or something else contributed to their divorce. Ultimately, knowing what you want is great, but it can make it harder to find someone who meets the criteria.
Tips for dating after divorce
If you’re wondering how to date after divorce to build healthy relationships and have fun, then our tips below are just for you.
Listen to yourself
The gut feeling, instinct, or intuition – call it however you like, but there is something in our bodies and minds that helps us navigate life in general, and dating specifically. If you’re not feeling it – don’t do it. And watch out for yourself extra carefully. Dating after a divorce is tricky, especially if you’re in your 40s or older, and haven’t been out there in a while. Don’t let the post-breakup vulnerability push you to do something you’re not up for deep inside.
Understand what you want and communicate it openly
We’ve already touched on the importance of knowing what you’re looking for from dating and being honest with yourself. We’d like to emphasize it again because you and your potential partner will benefit from knowing where you both stand and what you expect from this union. Basically, it will make your lives easier and help you fight less and have a better time together.
Set boundaries
You should be aware of your boundaries in any relationship, but they’re even more crucial when dating after a divorce. Whether you’re dating online or in person, make sure to talk about your boundaries and also listen to the other person’s boundaries. It’s important that you both feel safe and comfortable and what better way to achieve that than to share your own preferences and limits?
Take it slow
Don’t rush the post-divorce dating game. You’ve just lived through separation, and you might not be thinking clearly 100%. When something dramatic happens to us, it’s tempting to jump into a new relationship and melt away in our feelings. It can be beautiful, but it’s also risky because you might miss the red flags or simply end up with someone you’re not really compatible with. Plus, you might feel the feelings and have the emotions that you didn’t expect to have when starting to go out with someone. If you’re taking things slow, you’ll have the space and the time to process those feelings and emotions and to deal with them in a healthy way.
Be honest about your past
Whether you’re newly divorced or have been single for a while now, make an effort to be honest about your past with new lovers, and don’t sugarcoat it too much. Of course, you don’t owe it to tell your life story to every hookup, but if you see yourself dating them for longer, even if it’s only casual, your relationship will benefit greatly from them knowing what you went through. Your new partner will be able to empathize with your experience and understand your motivation or behavior better.
Tell them about your kids if you have them
If you’re not only divorced and dating, but also a mom or a dad, you’ll need to tell new partners about it. Kids are a deal breaker for so many people, and it’s a critical part of your life too, so choosing to avoid the subject will eventually result in a difficult conversation, and even a new breakup. So, better cut the cord from the start, and don’t waste time on people who are 100% against kids.
