Dating Advice That Actually Makes Sense
Dating is, indeed, trickly. It’s just as stressful as applying for a job and going through interviews, but on top of that, you’re also supposed to flirt and bond with your boss!
But worry not! The Once team hand-picked and curated a selection of the best dating tips to help you navigate online and offline dating. Our advice is applicable to men, women, trans, straight, lesbian, gay, and anyone in between, so don’t hesitate to check it out and apply it in real life.
Understand what you’re looking for
Here is the thing. People date for all sorts of reasons. Some want to get married and start a family, others chase a casual hookup, and some are just looking for a one-night stand after a brutal divorce. A single mom or dad might want to do slow dating and see where things are going before introducing the kids. And a college student is probably jumping into it blindly and choosing to go with the flow.
It’s totally normal for people to have different plans and expectations from dating and relationships. No one is a villain, you just have different priorities. Understanding what it is that YOU want from dating will help you sort through the endless inflow of romantic candidates.
Communicate boundaries
When dating, you need to establish your boundaries early on, so the partner will know what kind of treatment you expect and what direction you are willing to take with dating. This will help you be on the same page and decide if you’re compatible or not.
The thing with boundaries is many people see them as almost passive-aggressive and limiting, but they’re great for relationships. We are all raised differently and grow up in different circumstances and with a unique set of values. This is what makes meeting new people fun and exciting, but it can also cause misunderstandings.
If your love language is giving gifts and acts of service, but you’re terrible at giving compliments and verbal communication overall, your partner may think you don’t care about them if they’re used to heaving words of affirmation and view it as the demonstration of affection. By talking about those things, lovers can learn to cater to each other's needs better.
In another example, if you’re really not interested in a committed relationship right now, but your partner is and wants exclusivity, you’ll be in a whole lot of trouble if you start sleeping around and the other person finds out. Discussing those boundaries from the start can help avoid conflict. And yes, sometimes you’ll break up after the boundaries talk when you realize that you are not, in fact, compatible. And sometimes, you’ll simply be more mindful and will save the romance by respecting each others’ preferences.
Watch out for both green and red flags
There is so much talk about red flags lately! It’s all over TikTok, dating website blogs, and our private conversations. And there’s a good reason for it! When you only start dating, your adrenaline is high and you may choose to ignore the bad signs if you’ve already decided that you found your perfect match. It’s really dangerous because you can fall in love and end up hurt when it could have easily been avoided, should you have listened to your gut and watched out for those red flags.
At the same time, we feel like the discourse around red flags is subconsciously pushing many of us to look out for negative traits and fixate on them too much. The so-called green flags are also very important and should be considered. Whether you’re dating just one person or going out with multiple people, acknowledging someone’s green flags will not only help you appreciate them more but will also allow you to decide if you’re ready to take the next step with them.
Flirt
We mentioned earlier that dating can feel like applying for jobs on steroids, but you don’t have to treat it like that. Add some spice with flirting. Start with the dating chat and move on with flirting in person. It’s hot, it’s exciting, and it will help break the ice between you two. Another thing that flirting is super helpful with is demonstrating if you match on an energetic level. Compatibility is not limited by your values and future plans, a lot of it is about how you match when you’re being goofy, silly, and playful.
Compliment them sincerely
Complimenting is an important part of dating. We show our interest with compliments, and they light up the mood of the other person, helping our date go smoother. But please, for the love of God, be sincere when you’re doing it. There’s nothing worse than guys (or girls) saying things they clearly don’t mean. It kills the vibe, makes the other person feel bad, and it’s just rude. Don’t go for banalities and don’t be in a rush to give a compliment. Better to wait to say something truly meaningful than spit out a clearly insincere praise.
Be a good listener
First of all, you’d want to be a good listener for your own sake. Unless you’re dating for sex only, learning about the other person is something you’d naturally want to do. How else would you know if they’re the right fit for you?
You can demonstrate that you’re a good listener by referencing something they mentioned in an earlier conversation, but also simply maintaining eye contact and not being distracted by the phone or something in your surroundings. You can also ask your date for advice on something that’s going on in your life right now. Wanting to know their thoughts and ideas will signal to them that you value what they have to say.
Embrace the differences, don’t run away from them
It’s good to know what (and who) you want, but don’t let that stop you from finding a true gem in your dating apps. Being aligned with values and lifestyle is important, but only being willing to go out with a partner who matches 100% of your requirements is kind of unrealistic, and borderline toxic.
Not all differences are bad, and by opening your mind to new thoughts and experiences, you can learn to see and enjoy life from a different perspective. The partnership that you can build with another person will only be stronger if you learn to accept each other and be educated by one another.
Let them go if they want to go
If someone doesn’t treat you well, ghosts you, has different values, etc – it’s probably a sign that you should let them go. Yes, even if you really like them. And even if they’re so super cute. Practicing mindful dating is what will keep you from heartbreak. Situationships and dating someone who’s not that into you are not fun. It’s traumatizing and detrimental to your mental health. Don’t try to make them choose you if they don’t want to. It’s a waste of time and needless pain. Instead, handle rejection with grace and move on with your life.
Remember: Rejection is normal, and it’s good. We’re all just really trying to find the people we vibe with, right? You can be attractive, smart, intelligent, and all those good things, but you still won’t be a perfect fit for everyone. Likewise, not everyone will be a fit for you. Don’t worry too much about being rejected or ghosted. The person who’s truly meant for you won't do it, so just continue searching.
