What Is a Player? Real Player Dating Meaning & How to Spot One

What Is a Player in Dating? Signs, Meaning & How to Handle One

Remember the phrase “don’t hate the player, hate the game”? Well, we’re not totally in agreement with this logic.

Dealing with a player in dating is tiring and bad for your mental health. But how do you identify them early enough before they manage to cause substantial damage? There are ways and tricks to spotting and handling them, and today we’re going to share all of that with you.

What Does "Player" Mean in a Relationship?

What is a player in dating, exactly? It’s someone, usually a guy, who is not serious or clear about their romantic intentions, and a person who manipulates, gaslights, deceives, and lets down their partners.

Sometimes they do it with no particular goal in mind, and sometimes they seek personal gain that can come from being someone’s lover. For example, this can be financial allowance that a deceived partner is giving them monthly, prestige from being associated with a certain person, or simple convenience, such as having your sexual needs met and having someone to take care of you, cook your meals, clean your place and wash your clothes.

Whatever the reason for them to be in a relationship, they always prioritize their feelings, desires, and interests. As for their partner – a player doesn’t really care about their well-being, as long as this person continues to act the way the player wants them to.

Players aren’t shy of any shady methods to get what they want. They will use flattering, love bombing, sending mixed signals, manipulation, and anything else it takes to keep their lovers interested while not doing anything for them and avoiding any sort of commitment.

How to Spot a Player – Warning Signs to Watch For

A player is a very dangerous beast. They’re predators who thrive on innocent and kind-hearted people who fall for their manipulative ways. The best way of dealing with them is to spot them early on and run in the opposite direction.

General Signs That Someone Is a Player

Here are the most common signs that the person you’re dealing with is a player.

They’re allergic to commitment. Any slight hint of commitment scares them and makes them run for their lives. They’re unwilling to define the relationship they’re in and they’re doing their best to stay clear of labels or any shared goals and plans.
They’re a chronic flirt. Players often get away with what they’re doing because they’re naturally good at flirting. Any time they get a chance to be playful with someone, they’re taking it. The worst part is that they see no issue with doing it in front of you.
They’re sporadic. Your relationship, overall, is not consistent. The way they call and text you, how often it happens, the tone, and the overall impression from seeing them are mixed. You’re always low-key walking on eggshells as you never know what their next move will be.
They’re the definition of the low-effort guy. A player is not going to spend their precious time on making you feel loved and cared for unless they’re employing love bombing. In all other cases, they’re the guys who ask you out and then suggest you choose the place and things you’ll be doing. They’re also going to suggest meeting in areas close to their home so they don’t have to commute, ever.
They’re keeping secrets like 007. Hiding the phone, freaking out if you look at their screen, walking far away to pick up the phone when someone calls so you don’t hear the conversation, keeping their socials private, and barely letting you in their social circle, – all those are signs that you’re dealing with a player.
Only ever has short romances and flings. There are different reasons why someone may only date for short periods of time or focus on flings, but a player is always the one to be notorious for it.

Signs the Guy You Met Online Is a Player

The signs above are inclusive and gender-neutral. Now let’s go over some player signs specific for men.

He’s excessive with flattery. Guys who compliment you too intensely too early on are usually players as they’re trying to get to you before you can see them for who they truly are.
He’s not into long chats or proper conversations. Male players are super dodgy, and they’ll try and keep the communication to the minimum unless they want something.
He’s the last-minute guy. Making plans in advance? Oh no! These types are going to send you a text asking if you’re free and want to come over or meet them for a drink right now.
He’s still active on dating apps. If he’s with you but still up on multiple dating apps, you’re totally dealing with a player. And please don’t believe any of the BS that he’s there to meet new friends or network.
You’re constantly getting texts from him late at night. Players are known for sending late-night texts or reaching out at odd hours and usually, it’s when they want something, be it sex or a favor.
He’s trying to get you to sleep with him asap. If you’re wondering how to spot a player, watch out for his sexual patterns. If he’s prioritizing sex early in the relationship and keeps pushing you for intimacy despite you wanting to wait, then bingo! You’ve got a player at your hands.

Red Flags When Dating a Player

Dating a player is bad in and of itself, but it gets worse! They can also possess a number of red flags. Some of those red flags are specific to internet dating, others are applicable both in real life and online. Some of those red flags are natural to a player, and some come as an unpleasant bonus.

In any case, the last thing you need is to be with a walking red flag who’s also a player, so here are the examples of those red flags. Watch out for them, don’t ignore them, and don’t be afraid to challenge them.

Inconsistency in communication and actions
Fear of commitment
They’re trying to be super charming all the time
They’re always on their phone
They hide their phone from you
The stories they tell don’t add up
They’re actively rushing sexual intimacy

How to Handle Dating a Player

If you’re seeing a guy and suddenly realize that he is the definition of a player in a relationship, you don’t necessarily have to call it quits right away. Instead, you can try to tame the beast or learn his ways and outplay him.

Here are a few tips to help you handle players should you come across some of them:

Watch out for signs of players in a man or a woman. People with commitment issues, inconsistent communication, overly flirty ways, and just those who give you a weird feeling are all suspects.
Set clear boundaries, communicate your expectations, and outline the consequences of disrespecting you. Important: follow through with the consequences, don’t make them slide!
Protect your peace and don’t invest emotionally too soon. Pace yourself, don’t let yourself fall in love easily, hang out with friends, chat with other people, have your own thing going on, and you’ll be more protected against getting hooked on the wrong person too soon.
Focus on open communication. You won’t gain anything by beating around the bush and playing along with them conveniently avoiding some topics. Ask direct questions, hear what they have to say, and see if their words align with their actions.
Know what you want from dating. If you’re looking for a future spouse, dump that player immediately and move on. If you’re genuinely interested in casual dating and nothing more for now, great, have fun, and don’t expect the person to change who they are for you.

Should You Continue Dating a Player?

Dating a player is a slippery slope. Many thought they could handle it but later turned into their victims and suffered for long periods of time.

If you choose to continue dating a player make sure you can deal with it like a pro. It is incredibly hard to self-diagnose and decide if you’re strong enough or not, but your past love life can give you a hint. Have you fallen in love with every single person you dated? Have you broken up with people or were broken up with? How long did it take you, on average, to bounce back from a failed relationship?

Also, not every player is worth playing with. If you already know that the person is messy and will likely cause at least a little bit of drama, then they need to compensate for it in other areas. Think back, are they good in bed? At least have good sex if you’re dealing with a player! Also, are they generous? Do they cook well? Are they good with your friends, pets, kids, or family? Make sure you’re not just putting yourself at risk over nothing.

Tip: Once you’re free from players and ready to find someone cute, loyal, and lovely, sign up on a mindful dating app and browse the profiles of people with similar values and dating focus.

How to Get a Player to Fall for You

If you’re determined to find out how to get the player to fall for you and try those methods on your lover, just know that it might not work. Players are super sleek and sleazy, they can get out of almost any situation if they’re experienced and skilled.

Also, at some point, it makes no sense to try and catch them if they’re so against it. Instead, it’s better to leave them and go find someone amazing.

Don’t give them what they want immediately
Match their unpredictable energy
Be confident and proud of it
Make them invest time, money, and effort in you
Don’t be too attached, act nonchalant

How to Protect Yourself from Players in Dating

If you’re not too excited about the possibility of dating a player, then here are a couple of ways to protect yourself.

Always trust your gut. Unless you have a known trauma that’s causing you to be overly suspicious and expect the worst in everyone you meet, trust your instincts.
Boundaries. Set strict boundaries, tell them what is a deal breaker for you, and don't kid around. If they disrespect the boundary, let it pass just one time. They do it again – they have to go.
Don’t lower your standards. They’re there for a reason! No matter how hot your new date is, they’re not worth going below the standards you’ve set up for yourself for a good reason.
Pace the romance. No need to rush to get physically or emotionally intimate.
Learn about their past. If you’re with someone who claims all their exes are crazy, someone who’s only been dating people for a couple of months, and someone who is known to be a player in the past, then there is almost zero chance they’re any different now.
Have your own thing going on. Live an independent life, go out with your friends, work out, and invest time in hobbies. Don’t let your life revolve around a person, and you’ll have far less risk of getting attached to a player.

Walk Away from Players with no Guilt or Regret

Players don’t deserve any special treatment, and they don’t deserve your time at all if we’re being honest.

If you’re emotionally strong, independent, and only want to have some fun – go for it. In other cases, feel free to walk away from a player. You can do it whenever. Even in the middle of the date and conversation.

The fewer people tolerate their player ways, the higher the chances of them actually becoming decent people one day. But guess what, this shouldn’t be your problem or concern. Walk away and live your life happily.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

How Can You Tell if Someone is a Real Player in Dating?

They’ll be avoidant or serious topics, act hot and cold, and push for sexual intimacy early on.

Can a Player Ever Fall in Love for Real?

There are exceptions to the rule, but those scenarios are usually reserved for Hollywood romcoms.

What should you do if you’re Falling for a Player?

Distance yourself. See other people, hang out with friends and have a heart-to-heart with them, and switch focus to career, health, or hobbies.

How Do You Define a Player in a Relationship?

The player in dating is someone ingenuine who wants to use people without giving anything back.

What is the Real Player Dating Meaning?

A real player is someone who will get what they want from you and move on to the next person without any consideration for how that makes you feel. Or they won’t move on and keep playing multiple people at a time.