So You Want to Feel Confident in a Relationship?

Romantic relationships are a source of great pleasure, comfort, and security. Sometimes though, we don’t feel our most confident self with our partner. And if that’s the case for you too – the Once team suggests it's time to get to the root of this and turn things around. 

Why is confidence important in a relationship?

For starters, insecurity is not fun, regardless of whether it’s relationship-related or not. When we’re not confident, our brains start to divert into thoughts and perceptions that might have little to do with reality but have a very negative effect on our well-being. 

When we’re confident, we live a better life. There is no crippling anxiety or overthinking. All this time that could have been wasted on worrying about imaginary scenarios is instead dedicated to something more pleasant or productive. When you’re confident in a relationship, you feel like you both are equally important, and you can work on making things better, having fun together, and making your dream life a reality. 

Something many people don’t realize about confidence in a relationship too is how taxing it is for the other person. Imagine having to reassure someone daily that they’re the one. Also, people with insecurities get jealous more which can turn toxic for their romance if they can’t control their emotions. So if you’re thinking that your lack of confidence is only a you-problem, that’s not true actually. Sadly, many couples break up because one of the partners struggles with their demons so much that they make it impossible to build a healthy relationship. 

What does it look like to be confident in a relationship?

There are many definitions of confidence in a relationship, but the one that’s more universal is when you consider your own needs, feelings, and wants just as much as you do with the needs, feelings, and wants of your partner. You feel like you are equals in this relationship, and you’re ready to speak up when something isn’t working for you, plus you are ready to hear out similar concerns from your lover and change it up to make things work for you two in a sustainable, long-term fashion. 

A lot about being confident in the partnership correlates with mindful dating. You’re interested in creating and maintaining a respectful and loving dynamic with your perfect match, but you won’t let them walk all over you, no matter how much you fancy this man or woman that you’re dating. 

Signs you are not confident in your relationship 

Before we give you any advice about building confidence in a romantic relationship, let’s go over some of the signs that can hint you have low confidence when it comes to dating in general or your partnership in particular. 

• They’re the ones making all the decisions because you don’t trust yourself to make the right choice or worry that your decision will somehow let them down or not match their expectations. 
• You lie about your feelings out of fear that they won’t like you anymore if you share your raw emotions and feelings. 
• Obsessing over the relationship, for example, overthinking everything they say or do, or even the things they didn’t say or do. 
• You initiate a lot of the fights that you guys have. 
• You switch your preferences to match with those of your partner. For instance, you can change the meals you make, start watching different movies, and even take a different stance on social or political matters. 

How to be more confident in a relationship

So you want to be more confident in your relationship? Here’s what you can do to boost your confidence and strengthen the bond with your partner as a result.

1. Take the time to figure out what you want from this relationship. How do you expect them to behave? What are your plans and dreams for this relationship? What are the little bits that are important to you, like them helping you do house chores? Once you know more about yourself and what you expect from the romance, you’ll be able to navigate it better. Just trust us. 
2. Learn to have fun and turn off the noise in your head. It might be hard but eventually, you’ll be able to shut everything off and simply enjoy each other’s company doing something silly and nice. 
3. Practice sharing how you really feel with them. If you’re upset, afraid, or uncomfortable – be sure to speak up! Also, if you’re feeling happy – tell them about it too!
4. Do more of what you like to do. Let’s say you’re an avid movie watcher but your partner has no interest in that. You don’t have to push them to watch a movie a day with you but nudge them lightly to have movie nights with you every once in a while. 
5. Get busy. This tip is golden and works best if you combine it with everything else. If you want to be confident in a relationship – get a life, do more, try new things and experiences, start a side hustle, learn something, or go to study the course you’ve always dreamed about. Having an exciting life with a lot going on is not a miracle cure, but it will definitely boost your self-esteem and take your mind off endless spiraling and creating fake scenarios in your head. 
6. Establish boundaries. It might be that your lack of confidence in the relationship is the direct result of your couple’s dynamic. Think of the relationship boundaries that will help you feel more secure, and don’t forget to ask your partner to share theirs. It will be good for your relationship long-term if you both know what triggers you and what the expectations are. 

Bottom line

Whether you’re dating casually, taking the slow dating approach, or committing to one another and planning to build a future together, confidence is a key ingredient of your happiness together. And confidence doesn’t mean bravely sending nudes to the dating chat or flirting aggressively left and right. You need to build that inner confidence that will give you peace of mind and will allow you to make rational decisions, instead of jumping to conclusions and potentially damaging what you two have going on. 

Confidence in a relationship is something we can all build with time. It’s also something that you’ll be working on your entire life because our self-assurance changes with circumstances. It’s a beautiful life-long journey that we’re encouraging you to start today so that you can be a bit closer to your goal tomorrow. If you ever struggle to find motivation, think of this as a way to love yourself and build a life that you deserve.