How to Choose Between Two Guys – Making the Right Decision

Having feelings for two guys and trying to make the final choice may seem romantic, exciting, and perhaps even desirable. The one-woman-two-guys trope is constantly used in movies and TV shows, and it’s very glamorized. 

The reality is often less charming. You’re spending hours, days, and weeks trying to understand who you like more and who would be a better partner for you. It’s exhausting and emotionally draining, as you don’t want to hurt anyone, and you want to make the right choice. 

Liking multiple people and having strong feelings for them are not crimes, but those are rather unfortunate situations. 

If you don’t know how to pick between two guys, then you’re in luck! Today we’re going to explore what it’s like to be in love with 2 guys, and the ways to navigate this situation with the least damage to anyone in the love triangle. 

Why Choosing Between Two Men Can Be So Hard

You’d think that choosing between two men would be easy but it’s really not.

First of all, feelings are confusing, and it’s not that easy to understand who you like more when you’re right in the middle. At the same time, the men you like probably both possess a number of great and not-so-much characteristics, so it’s not obvious which one of them is good on paper either. 

When you’re all emotions, and feelings are running high, understanding which of the boys better aligns with your long-term happiness becomes a mission impossible. 

Also, when you have several options for anything, making the decision comes with an opportunity cost. If you choose boy A, your relationship with him may be great, but you’ll never know what it would be with boy B. What if the second guy would make you ten times happier than the first one? You’ll never know! 

That’s the scary part about choosing a partner in dating in general, especially with the rise of social media and dating apps. There are so many potential boyfriends out there, that you get decision fatigue just from thinking about this dating pool. 

Another issue with having two guys in love with you is societal pressure. There are certain expectations and blueprints instilled in our brains from an early age. So when you have two eligible bachelors in front of you, how do you know if you like them for them or for what they represent and how well they’ll fit into the perfect picture?

Those are all very valid concerns and put together they’re making the decision-making process really hard. 

Understanding Your Own Feelings

When you’re making a decision between two people, try to block out all the external voices and listen to yourself. Understand what your heart says, and not society, parents, friends, or social media.  

Also, as you’re trying to make up your mind, try your best to look beyond surface-level attraction. You know how many girls fall for really tall guys, and it takes them months if not years to realize that they were, in fact, mostly attracted to the height, and the gentleman in question had no other redeeming qualities. 

It sounds funny and ridiculous, but it happens to the best of us. Attraction works in mysterious ways and our minds can be clouded with emotions so we ignore the real picture. 

Key Questions to Ask Yourself Before Making a Decision

How to choose between two guys the right way? By taking your time and making sure you’re clear with your intentions, know what you want, and understand the situation fully. 

If you don’t know how to get to that point, start by asking yourself those three questions.

#1 How Do They Make You Feel?

Don’t overthink it, and don’t try to analyze and use a scientific approach, just capture the first thought and emotion that comes up when you think about them or get their text. 

#2 Are You More Attracted to One Than the Other?

Which guy makes your heart race and causes you to lose your mind? Which one are you more compatible with sexually? Which of them do you find more handsome? It’s fine to use the looks as one of the criteria selection, so don’t disregard it for being a shallow point to focus on. As for sexual attraction, this is super important and it often serves as the indicator of how compatible couples really are. 

#3 What Are Their Long-Term Relationship Goals?

The right-person-wrong-time situation is super real. If you’re young and wild, want to travel the world, party, and experiment with lifestyle and career, but your man is wishing for nothing more than to settle down, have kids, and go to bed at 9 pm every day, you will clash. 

Being aligned with what you want from a relationship is more important than we’d like to believe. People who don’t want kids aren’t likely to change, those who don’t see themselves happily married aren’t likely to suddenly wake up with a change of heart. This happens on Netflix a lot, but life is not the same as TV shows. 

More Questions to Ask Yourself

Once you’re done with the three questions above, you should already have a good idea of the direction you’ll probably take. If you’re still confused or want to be on the safer side, go through the questions below as well.

• What do you really want from a relationship? 
• Do the men you like align with your long-term relationship goals?
• Are you attracted to them because of excitement/emotions or stability?
• Are your lifestyles similar?
• Do these men encourage your growth or make you feel smaller?
• Are you trying to change yourself for any of them?
• Do they have to change to fit your criteria? 

Finally, think about the future. Ten years from now, which one of the guys do you think will fit better in your life? Why?

Comparing the Two Men – A Practical Guide

Here is a quick and practical guide on how to choose between two guys and compare them best. 

1. Look at each guy’s personality. What good and bad traits do they each possess, and where do they stand on self-improvement? Compare green and red flags.
2. How compatible are you with each of their personalities, emotionally and physically? 
3. Evaluate the chemistry in the bedroom. 
4. What does your emotional connection to them look like?
5. Are they emotionally available and mature?
6. Their lifestyle right now: habits, financial spending patterns, expectations. 
7. Future plans of each guy in terms of career, family, hobbies, and health. 
8. How supportive are they of your life choices, friends, career, or anything else? Do they have your back no matter what?
9. Look back at how they handle conflicts. Are they trying to hurt you, gaslight you, or manipulate you? Are they being considerate and trying to de-escalate the fight? 
10. How do your friends and family react to your BF candidates and vice versa? 

The last two points in the guide are very important. 

The way people engage in conflicts tells us a lot about them, much more than they’d like to share. Every couple fights and everyone has conflicts in the relationship, it’s pretty much inevitable. If one of your partners exhibits uncontrolled aggression, starts fights left and right for no particular reason, calls you names, blames everything on you, and gaslights you – they’re not the one. 

No matter how kind and understanding they are 90% of the time, if they can’t control themselves when they’re arguing, this is a major red flag. Many men start with verbal abuse and aggression (which is already terrible) and eventually move on to physical abuse which nobody should suffer through. 

As for the vibes you get from their friends and family and vice versa – some people downplay it when inner circles don’t agree with their romantic interests, but it often makes sense to look into it. Given that your friends and family are on your side and you have healthy relationships, worrying about who you’re dating usually comes from a genuine place of concern and care for you. 

It’s possible that they see something you don’t because you’re too infatuated with those men at the moment. 

How to Choose Between Two Guys – Final Steps to Take

After all that thinking, analyzing, and listening to your gut, you’re probably tired and would like to finally be done with it. We get it. It’s emotionally draining. However, don’t rush it just yet, we’re nearing the final stages of our “how to choose between two guys” journey. 

Remember the Priorities

Before you make the final choice, reflect on your priorities once again. Perhaps something you deemed important is no longer so? Or maybe you’re now more confident than ever that the things you want are actually your top priorities. Your Prince Charming needs to fully align with those priorities. 

Visualize it 

Next, sit back, close your eyes, relax, and visualize your future. How do you imagine your life with both of the guys next month, year, or in 5 years? Which of the images in your head looks more appealing? It’s not the most rational approach, but the importance of gut feeling shouldn’t be downplayed. Intuition is a powerful instrument. 

Seek Objective Advice

If you haven’t already, talk to your friends, family, or therapist. Ask them for guidance but don’t insist on them making the decision for you. The choice must be yours, and it’s unfair to shift responsibility onto someone else. 

Take a Break

Distance yourself from both men for a short while to help yourself think clearly. Without seeing them, you won’t have the emotional pressure and will be able to think more objectively. Plus, who knows, maybe the out-of-sight-out-of-mind method will help you make the decision if you find that you don’t really miss either of them. 

Commit to the Decision

A very crucial part of the “how to choose between two guys” process is sticking to your decision. Don’t second-guess yourself and own up to your decision. If you keep looking back at the other person even after the final decision is made, you’ll only hurt the other guy and ruin your chances with him. 

What If You’re in Love with Two Guys?

Choosing between two guys is emotionally hard. But how to choose between two guys if you love them both? Uff, that’s a tough question. There is a way out though, so don’t stress too much about it. You will find a way to make the best decision for yourself with our final tips. 

Why You Shouldn’t Lead Both Men On

If you’re in love with two men, you may be tempted to give them both hope, go out with them, and delay the decision-making. It’s a bad strategy because it will be harder for everyone to process and get over the situation. You may be hurting, but don’t forget that you are (will be) hurting them too. It’s important to be mindful and respectful of their emotions, especially if you love them.

Can You Be in Love with Two People at the Same Time?

Yes, you can have deep feelings for several people at once as love is uncontrollable and is not solely reserved for one other person you’re seeing.

There is a whole type of polyamorous relationship where there are three people or more and they’re cross-dating and loving each other. It’s not for everyone, though, and it often leads to confusion, frustration, and emotional pain. If you’d like to explore polyamory, you should sign up on a mindful dating app to make sure you find like-minded people there with the same goals and values.

If polyamory is not the right way for your love triangle, a tough choice will have to be made. 

FAQs – Common Questions on How to Choose Between Two Guys

How do you decide between two great guys?

If you’re wondering how to choose between two guys, focus on the following criteria: how they align with your core values and long-term goals, how you feel around them, and what your gut feeling is telling you. Make a list of green and red flags and compare which guy looks more appealing. Also, you can recruit friends and family and ask them for opinions, but make sure they don’t influence you too much, and also pick just a couple of people who you trust with your life to make sure they have your best interests in mind. 

What if I regret my choice?

It’s possible that you will regret your final choice, but you’re more likely to go through a what-if period. You’ll be remembering the other guy and think what your life would look like if you stayed with him. That’s absolutely okay, but try not to hyperfocus on that too much because it can negatively affect your real relationship. The truth is, you’ll never know what life will be like if you make a different choice. 

Also, if you decide to go with one man over the other, and the romance doesn’t work out, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you made the wrong choice. It’s possible that none of the men were good for you. 

Should I take a break to clear my mind?

If you’re stuck and don’t know how to choose between two guys, take a pause. Taking a break can be an amazing idea, just don’t overstretch it. Take a couple of weeks for yourself where you won’t see either of them or go on dates with others. It’s better to skip the big chunk of socializing as well, so you’re not distracted and have time for self-reflection. Make sure you don’t extend your break again and again out of fear of having to make a decision. Take a pause, set up a deadline, and once it arrives – take action.